Why Allen hates Christmas day
by Dgm-yoai-lover
Summary: Laven oneshots. Chapter 32: Song fic to fill time. Teenage dirt bag by wheatus. "I'm just a teenage bookman baby..."
1. Christmas

**Well, I decided to make a string-of-one shots thread cos I have lots of one-shot story ideas, and cos it would be silly to have lots of one shots lying around by themselves.**

**Anyway, these one-shots I'm writing need word pompts, so any ideas you have, or any word prompts you want me to center a story around, just say it and I'll do it. Probably.**

**Word for this chapter: Lonely**

**I don't own dgm.**

**--**

_It's Christmas today. The order is throwing a party down in the cafeteria, with lots of good food and stuff. They didn't bother getting each other presents though, cos they don't have the time for shopping for gifts. So, they throw a feast on Christmas, some of them attend a mass, and that's it. I was never much of a church-goer. I believe in god and all that, but I don't see the point of going to a public event just to pray when I could pray alone in my room. _

_I don't celebrate Christmas._

_Why?_

_Because I hate it._

_For most people, Christmas is a day of happiness, but for me it's the most depressing day of the year._

_Mana found me on Christmas day. He found me, adopted me, brought me to his home and let me stay. The next morning, he came into my new room and handed me several presents, saying they were late birthday/Christmas gifts. I'd never gotten a gift before, and although I was happy, I cried._

_Then, after that, Christmas was the best day of the year, like it was with most children. Before, I had hated it, because I saw families together, and I had felt deep loneliness because I knew I was missing something. But Mana changed that._

_He changed it again when he died._

_Then, I knew I had lost my family. I would never celebrate another Christmas or birthday with anyone._

_Yes, I know, right now I'm at a Christmas feast, but for all the food and trees and decorations in the world, Christmases and birthdays aren't Christmases and birthdays without family._

_There are families within the order._

_The Lee's and the science team, the finders, Kanda and Tiedoll and Marie, they're all sitting together, laughing and eating. Though Kanda was skipping out on the laughing and looking just plain annoyed, he still has someone to share Christmas with. I don't think anyone noticed I was sitting by myself._

_I couldn't take it anymore. I finished the food and got up to leave. I was going to my room._

_However, as I was walking out of the dining hall, I heard someone call out my name. I plastered on a fake smile and turned to see Lavi running towards me._

'_Hi Allen,' He grinned happily at me, 'Where're you going?'_

'_To my room,' I explained, 'I'm tired so I thought I'd get an early night.'_

'_Hm...' Lavi made a thoughtful sound and stared into the cafeteria next to us. Lavi wasn't often thoughtful unless the situation calls for it._

'_It's kind of painful, isn't it?'_

'_What is?' I blinked in surprise._

'_Looking at everyone in there. Don't tell bookman, but I feel really lonely on days like Christmas. It makes me miss my family.'_

'_Your... Family?' My eyes were wide. I knew Lavi didn't spontaneously pop out f the ground, but I never imagined him having a family._

'_Yeah, my mum and dad and my brothers and sister... Heh, they probably think I'm dead by now, I ran away when I was eight and if haven't seen them since.'_

_I wasn't quite sure how to respond to this, so i kept quiet. _

_I had no idea Lavi felt the same. _

_He felt sad and missed his family too. They weren't dead, but it still rounded up to the same thing; He felt alone._

_Just then, Lavi looked back at me and continued. He looked kind of embarrassed._

'_Anyway, Allen... Um, it's your birthday today isn't it?'_

'_Officially, yes.' I nodded._

'_Well,' Lavi reached into the jacket he was wearing and pulled out a box, 'We weren't supposed to get presents on Christmas, but they never said anything 'bout birthdays. Sorry if you don't like them, I wasn't sure what to get you, and I was short on money.'_

_He handed me the box. I stared at it in surprise, and then opened the lid._

_There wasn't really anything of real value in there, just some new shirts, a jumper, and a new book by my favourite author, but still... He'd gone to the trouble of getting it for me. I hadn't received a gift in over four years. To my shock, my throat burned and tears welled in my eyes without my permission, and I hastily tried to wipe them away._

'_Oh god what did I do?!' Lavi sounded distressed, 'Why are you crying?! If the gifts are that bad then-'_

'_No, no, they're fine,' I shook my head, smiling even though my cheeks were still wet, 'Um... Thank you Lavi... Listen, since we're both kind of alone today, how about we be each other's family? We won't feel so sad then.'_

'_That sounds fun.' Lavi grinned happily. He seemed to guess why I was crying, and I was glad he didn't press the subject. He knew we were the same._

_Then, he gave me a tight hug. It was warm and comforting. After a moment of surprise, I hugged back. Maybe Christmas wasn't that bad._

_--_

**Oh my god this was bad. I'm so sorry for the crappiness!**

**Anyway, review.**


	2. Home visit

**Ok, I don't usually need to do this, but I gotta set up a warning.**

**WARNING: under aged binge-drinking, implied child abuse, slight violence.**

**But don't worry, it's not _that_ bad...**

**I don't own dgm.**

**--**

'Hey, aren't you Allen Walker?'

Lavi, who had been looking for Allen, peered around the corner, peered around the corner of the stone wall. Allen stood on the foot path, and three tall boys around his age were blocking his way. Allen looked kind of nervous.

'You ARE Allen!' One of them cried as he grabbed Allen's arm and yanked the glove off his hand, 'Sheesh, you little freak you look even weirder then you did four years ago!'

'I-I... give that back!' Allen stuttered angrily, reaching for the glove.

'Why?' Another boy sneered, 'Even if you cover up that deformity of yours it won't change the fact it's there. And what's with the hair and that scar? How's that writing on your back going?'

'No, I just... Please give it back, I have to be somewhere.'

'Nice coat,' the third boy drawled as tapped Allen's sleeve, 'Looks valuable. Doesn't belong on a freak like you. We'll give back the glove if you give me that coat-'

Allen suddenly made a lunge for the glove. The boy holding it backed away, and his two friends grabbed Allen's arms, yanked him back, and kneed him in the stomach. Allen cried out in pain.

'Oi!' Lavi yelled angrily as he ran forward, 'That's enough! Let him go!'

The three boys glared at Lavi. After a moment, the ones holding Allen pushed him away, and the one holding the glove threw it on the ground. Allen stumbled, clutching his sore abdomen, and Lavi caught his hand so he wouldn't trip.

'You want the little freak?' One of the guys snarled, 'Fine, he's worthless anyway. Let's go...'

With a final glare, the three bullies left. Lavi stared after them for a minute, then looked at Allen. The boy's eyes were downcast.

'God, Allen, you can take down an army of Akuma but you can't tell three bullies to piss off? What's wrong with you?'

'N-nothing,' Allen looked up at him, smiling, 'I just... Well I'm just a little tired. Did you get what you needed?'

'Uh, yeah...'

'Ok, let's go back to the motel.'

Without waiting for a response, Allen picked up his glove and pulled it back on, then brushed past Lavi to head towards their motel. Lavi shrugged and followed.

--

'_Ok...' _Lavi sighed as he turned over in his bed._ 'Maybe Allen coming on a mission to his home town wasn't a good idea.'_

Allen had been acting quiet and weird ever since he'd encountered those bullies.

'_Assholes...'_ Lavi thought.

Yes, Allen looked kind of... Unusual, but that was no reason to call him names and treat him like crap!

Lavi turned over again and opened his eye to look at Allen. He blinked. Allen wasn't in his bed. Thinking maybe the younger exorcist was in the bathroom, the redhead sat up and switched o n the lamp on the bedside table next to him. The bathroom door was wide open and dark, and completely empty. He did see, however, that the door to their room was open a slight crack, when Lavi was certain he had closed it fully and locked it upon return.

This made him concerned. After a moment of consideration, Lavi swung his legs over the side of the bed and reached for his strap-up shoes. Allen could just be going for a walk, but if so, why had he not told Lavi in case there was an Akuma attack or something? Allen being secretive was not a good sign, particularly after today's seemingly harmless events.

'Really,' Lavi shook himself mentally as he zipped up his coat, 'This isn't any of my business as a bookman, but still... I'm dead worried about him.'

He closed the door behind him, crossed the lobby floor and stepped out into the cold night. Lavi knew finding him wouldn't be easy; this was Allen's town. He probably knew of places to hide even the clan of Bookmen didn't know about. But still, he was going to try. He wouldn't be a very good friend if he didn't.

'I wonder when I started to call him my friend...' Lavi thought. Deciding to deal with the question later, he shrugged it off and went to ask a nearby group if they'd seen a boy with white hair.

--

Half an hour later, Lavi walked through a dark park, one good eye straining to see through the darkness, hoping for a flash of white. All the leads he'd picked up pointed to the fact Allen was around here somewhere.

After a few minutes, he came out of the park, and onto a road. On the other side of the road was a graveyard. Lavi shivered. He hated graveyards, even thinking about them made him chilled to the bone. He was about to turn back, when suddenly, he heard a sobbing sound. It was kind of muffled and far-off, but it was there.

'Probably just some mourners. I mean, it _IS _a graveyard...'

But, still, he couldn't shake the feeling that he should go see. He took a deep breath, ran across the road and entered the graveyard. He kept his gaze firmly on the path in front of him.

'_It's only bones... Only bones... And decaying corpses and organs being slowly eaten away by bacteria and oh god what if they're zombies in here?! Eek...'_

Then, he heard a noise. It wasn't a sob, more like glass bottles clinking together. He looked around for the source of the sound, and walked off the path towards it.

Then, he came to an almost empty spot. Beneath a dead tree was a tombstone that read "Mana Walker." And sitting next to the grave was Allen, knees drawn up and face hidden. Lavi hurried forward, concerned, and realised that he was grasping a half-empty beer bottle in his hand. There were several already-empty bottles lying near his feet. Why was he getting drunk over his foster-father's grave?

'Allen!'

Allen looked up. His face was slack, and dry tears shone in the moonlight. His grey eyes were slightly out of focus. He grinned stupidly.

'L'vi!' he slurred enthusiastically, ' H-how 're ya?'

'Allen, you're drunk.'

'Yeah? So?'

'So first of all you're under-aged how you even got that stuff is a mystery, and second of all didn't you swear you'd never drink after the cross incident?'

'Maybe... But thas in tha past!' Allen insisted drunkenly and took a swig from the bottle, emptying in one go. He looked at in disappointment and got on his hands and knees to look for a full one. Lavi ran his hands through his hair stressfully and grabbed the back of Allen's shirt, pulling him to his feet.

'Aw c'me on...' Allen swayed and gripped Lavi's arm for support, 'You... You aint no f'n...'

Lavi ignored him and picked up the bottles. He was shocked Allen had drunk so much. Why had he even done this? He decided to ask questions later, and aim to get Allen back to the motel.

--

Lavi dragged Allen over to the bed and sat him down. He stepped back and put his hands on his hips. Allen looked back at him in confusion.

'Alright, out with it. What's been going on? You were weird when you heard we were coming here, and you got even weirder after meeting those boys, and now... You're drunk off your arse!'

'I'm fine...' Allen chuckled, waving the questions away, 'And I'm not tha' drunk... Jus' a lil... a lil... Oh god.'

Allen suddenly clapped his hand to his mouth and made a break for the bathroom. Lavi followed t find him on his knees, gripping the toilet seat hard each time he retched into the bowel. Lavi kneeled behind him and held his hair back. Thirty seconds passed, and with one last heave, Allen emptied his stomach and sat back, shaking slightly. Lavi held his shoulders from behind, supporting the exhausted teen.

'You done?'

'Yeah...' Allen nodded slowly.

'Good. Come, up you get...'

Lavi helped the shorter stand. The boy was slightly weak in the knees, as were everyone after they threw up like that, but he seemed to have sobered up a great deal. He helped the boy back out and let him collapse on his bed. He then went back to the bathroom, and returned with a damp washcloth so Allen could wash his face.

'Thanks,' Allen said gratefully and took it. Lavi then, reached into the luggage by the bed and handed Allen a water bottle. He waited until Allen had finished drinking it before he spoke.

'So wanna tell me what's going on?'

'Not really...'

'Hm, 'fraid there's no getting out of it.'

Allen sighed heavily. He turned onto his side and pressed his cheek into the pillow. He looked pale.

'I just don't like this town. I really don't like it. Brings back bad mem'ries, ya know?'

'No I don't but I'd like to know, Allen. What happened here when you were little... Must have been pretty bad for you to act like this.'

'Mn...' Allen shifted uncomfortably. Lavi sat on the edge of the mattress and put a hand on his shoulder.

'Come on, you can tell me.'

'Seeing those guys today...' Allen pressed more of his face into the pillow, hiding his eyes, 'They... They used to really... Well, they used to beat me up and steal from me. A lot.'

'What? That's horrible!'

'Hm... And they weren't the only ones either. I had adults, kids, teenagers, pretty much half the town hating me. They called me ugly and devil and stuff like that, and those were just the nice ones.'

'Wow...' Lavi stared, his eye wide. 'Allen... I had no idea...'

'Even my own parents hated me...'

'What? Your own parents? Come on Allen, you were just a baby weren't you? You don't know for sure they abandoned you.'

Allen chuckled sadistically and sat up. He undid the tie around his neck and started to unbutton his shirt. Lavi blinked and went to ask what he was doing, but before he could speak, Allen slipped his shirt down his lower back and turned. Lavi gasped.

Diagonally pattered down from the left shoulder blade were straight, angry red scars, slightly jagged as a serrated edge was no doubt used. The scars spelt out the word "FREAK".

'See that?' Allen turned his head slightly so he could see Lavi's shocked expression, 'My mother gave me that. Lavi... I've sort of lied to everyone. My parents didn't abandon me; they sort of just kept me around to do housework while they went out to parties. And when they came home drunk, they... They, um... Well, lets just say they weren't very good parents. I ran away when I was six or seven.'

Lavi couldn't speak. He just stared at the badly scarred skin, and watched blankly as Allen slipped his shirt back up and buttoned it again.

'_Holy shit... I knew Allen hadn't had an easy life, but... Abusive parents and a whole town hating him? Why didn't he say anything when he was assigned the mission? But then, I suppose that isn't exactly easy to talk about.'_

The redhead inched closer and pulled Allen into a warm embrace from behind, holding him firmly but gently. He could feel the younger boy tense in surprise.

'Lavi... It's not that big a deal-'

'Well it must be if it led you to getting smashed.'

'It all...' Allen yawned sleepily, 'It happened so long ago...'

'But it still hurts like yesterday, right?'

'Hm... Yeah, lil bit...'

Lavi realised the boy in his arms was falling asleep. He went to lower him on to the pillow, but as he did made to straighten up, a still slightly drunk Allen flung his arms around the redhead's neck and kissed him. Lavi's eyes widened in surprise. Allen grinned tiredly at him, then flopped back on the pillow and closed his eyes.

--

**And thats the end of the oneshot. I apologise for my eternal crappiness and the lameness of the plot.**

**Also, I don't know what its like to be drunk, and I don't know if throwing up would sober you up, and it probably doesn't but lets just say it does for the sake of Allen and Lavi's conversation.**

**If i get enough good reveiws for this, i might do a sequel and make it a two shot. might.**

**REVEIW!**


	3. Kiss

**I got bored so I wrote this oneshot about ep 89 and onward. What happened when Allen protected Lavi from the fire seal with the crowned clown?**

**Don't own it.**

**--**

_Amidst the flames and through the red gloom, Allen could see Lavi in the centre of the column of fire, hammer dug into the ground, hands tightly grasping the handle, face hidden in shadow._

'_LAVI!' Allen tried to make himself heard over the roar of the flames, but the redhead made no indication of hearing him. He looked around, searching for a way to save his friend, and spotted his sword. He extended his right hand and called for it, and to his relief, it became unstuck from the stone and flung itself towards him. He grasped it, and in a green flash, the cloak spread itself protectively over himself, the mask falling into place on his face. He yelled and cut through the flames that held him, and landed on the die that held Lenalee and Chouji. He eyed the fire seal that held Lavi, searching for even a small opening, and then, he jumped towards it, propelled by his innocence, vaguely aware of Lenalee calling out to him._

'_AAARRRGGGH!' The exorcist screamed angrily as he ploughed the edge of the sword into the wall of fire, 'LAAAVIIIII!'_

_The firewall would not yield, and Allen pushed harder, desperate to save the redhead. An image of the smiling Bookman crossed his mind, and he called out, hoping to be heard through the roaring flames._

'_LAVI! I WIONT LET YOU DIE!'_

_Then, with one final push, he reached his hand through the powerful field, and edged forward, and finally, stepped through, calling his friends name in a desperate bid. He could see Lavi's form on his knees, his eyes not visible, but Allen could see tears pouring down his cheeks._

'_Lavi!' Allen screamed one last time as he jumped forward and grasped Lavi's hand over the handle. He landed on his knees and spread the innocence cloak over the two of them protectively. Time slowed as Lavi looked up._

'_A-Allen...'_

'_You idiot!' Allen growled angrily as he turned his sword back into an arm, reached forward and pulled Lavi closer by his collar, 'Did you really think I was going to let you kill yourself?! You're so... Ugh!'_

_Allen yanked him forward, and pulled him into a sweet kiss. Slowly, Lavi let go of the hammer, and cupped Allen's cheeks in his hands, deepening the act. Then, there was a burst of white light, and the air cooled around them as all was turned to stone._

--

'Knock knock, anyone home?'

Allen looked up to see Lavi smiling concernedly from the door of the fourteenth's room.

'Thought you might be here...' Lavi said, putting his hands behind his head as he entered. Allen sat up straight and hastily wiped the tears off his face. He'd been thinking about Mana.

'Is... Is the Matron looking for me?'

'Not yet...Hey Allen,' Lavi looked serious, 'about that kiss in the ark...'

He took a seat beside his white-haired friend. Allen swallowed nervously, and felt a blush creep across his cheeks. It had been several days since he and Lavi had kissed, and they still hadn't discussed it. Allen had liked the redhead for ages, but he wasn't so sure Lavi felt the same.

'I-I'm sorry I did it!' Allen stuttered, 'But, well, everything was so crazy and you were about to die and... It was a heat of the moment type thing!'

'Oh.' Lavi blinked, 'Ok. Yeah, that's what I thought it was. Just making sure, you know?'

The redhead chuckled nervously. Allen sighed and tightened his grip on his knees. He already felt sick from eating too much, and this was making his stomach ache worse. The wound he had received on his neck throbbed painfully, and he raised his hand to rub.

'That cut on your neck is hurting, huh?' Lavi leaned forward. Allen blushed and nodded. In the fight with Tykki, the Noah had slammed one of those tentacle-things into him, and it had cut his neck as well as damaged part of the muscle. The nurse said he should make a full recovery, but it still hurt like hell.

'Lemme see...' Lavi edged his chair right up close, and undid the bandage. Allen felt the redhead's hot breath on his cheek, and he shuddered when he felt his finger caress the sensitive healing skin around his cut.

'Looks fine. You pretty lucky with that injury, I'll give you that.'

'Hm...' Allen felt his face heat up. Lavi was really close...

'Allen. When you kissed me... Do you remember what happened?'

'Not really...' Allen smiled nervously as Lavi re-did the bandages, 'Um, there was a lot of stone...'

'No, I mean... Do you remember what I did?'

'Um...' Allen sweatdropped, unsure what Lavi meant, 'No...'

'When you kissed me I kissed back.'

Allen's eyes widened in surprise. He could sort of remember something like that, but it was all sort of blurry. Lavi sat back, a red flush lighting up his grinning face.

'And you know what the funny thing is? I have no idea why I did it. I could just go ahead and say it was heat of the moment too, but... I'm not so sure it was'

'I-it must have been...' Allen stuttered, gripping the edges of his seat nervously, not meeting Lavi's eye, 'I... You're a Bookman, so... You can't have that kind of thing.'

'True...' Lavi sounded thoughtful, 'But... While I was in the dream world some really weird things happened Allen, and you know what I realised? I've changed since I met you and the others. I used to think all humans were stupid and not worth my time, and that I was different from them, but... I really don't want to be myself. And some humans I've met... Well they're just too great for words... Like you for example.'

Allen gasped in surprise and looked up. Lavi caught his face in his hands, and they froze, staring into each other's eyes. Lavi's was so close Allen could feel heat radiating from him and onto his own skin, as if his face wasn't hot enough already.

'U-uh, L-Lavi... Um...' Allen's stuttering was uncontrollable. He really didn't know what to do, and from the expression on Lavi's face, neither did he, despite having made the first move, or rather second, since technically made the first move in the ark. Seconds ticked by, but they felt like years. Finally, Lavi let go and sat back, scratching his head and chuckling.

'Sorry, I'm a real idiot. Oh man...'

Lavi hid his face in his hands, slouching forward so his elbows rested on his knees, and giving off an air of defeat. Allen could only stare in utter bewilderment.

Unless he was mistaken, then Lavi had just admitted to liking him. Taking a chance, the boy reached forward, and carded his fingers through Lavi's crimson hair. Lavi tensed and looked up in shock, and the fifteen year old leaned towards him and placed a quick kiss on his lips.

'You're not as big an idiot as I am...' Allen murmured as he moved to rest his head on the older boy's shoulder. Allen couldn't see his face, but after a moment, he felt Lavi wrap his arms around his shoulders and waist. Lavi shifted in his seat, and pulled the shorter onto his lap, and then, they were kissing again, deeply, curiously exploring the other's mouth, their breaths becoming ragged.

Then, they heard someone outside.

'Lavi! Allen!' Komui's voice outside caused them to pull away, 'Are you guys in here?'

There was the sound of approaching footsteps.

Allen glanced at the empty doorway, then jumped off Lavi's lap and went over to the white piano. He pressed one of the keys, and the doorway closed in a small flash of light. Lavi stood up and hugged the white haired boy from behind, arching his neck forward and kissing his ear. Allen turned, and their lips locked again. The scientists were going to be suspicious when thy find the entrance to the fourteenth's room had disappeared along with two exorcists, but at the moment, neither of them cared.

--

**Well, there you have it, what the boys were doing off screen.**

**REVEIW!**


	4. maturity and missing someone

**Yet another oneshot. I like these things.**

**I don't own dgm. If I did Kanda, Lavi and Allen would all have a phobia for shirts.**

**SORRY FOR THE SHORTNESS! And the way the POV changes!**

**--**

_I __watched from the edge of the arch under the bridge as Allen enthusiastically greeted the others and laid the unconscious Lenalee on the ground. I had only exchanged a quick conversation with the white-haired boy since he'd appeared to us after supposedly being dead, and I wanted to talk to him more, to express how much I missed him and how glad he was back, but Bookman already suspected something, and had already reminded him of his purpose. It was best to stay away._

The Bookman in training sighed sadly, stuck his hands in his pockets and went to take a walk.

'Lavi, wait!'

Lavi had only taken a few short steps before he heard Allen's voice call out to him. He stopped and turned to see Allen hurrying towards him. The Bookman in training smiled.

'Hey Allen, what's up?'

'Nothing really...' Allen returned the smile with a slight blush that Lavi didn't notice, 'Um, just wondering where you were going, that's all.'

'Just for a walk.'

'Oh... I'll come too, it's dangerous to go anywhere by yourself.'

Lavi blinked, but shrugged and continued his way along the river in a companionable silence.

_I couldn't help but stare out of the corner of my eye. Allen was taller and a little thinner, as was his face. His eyes held something I couldn't quite put his finger on._

'What is it?' Allen said, noticing Lavi's stare.

'Nothing...' Lavi grinned, hiding a blush, 'I just noticed... You look different.'

'Different? Different how?'

'I dunno...' The redhead shrugged, 'You look more... Mature.'

'I wasn't mature before?' Allen pouted in annoyance. Lavi chuckled and ruffled his snowy hair affectionately. Allen might look different, and his personality wasn't quite as naive, but it was obvious he was still the same underneath. He was still the Allen he'd fallen in love with.

_I could remember when I realised Allen was dead. I didn't cry, but it felt like my soul had been ripped in two. It was like my life had suddenly felt empty. _

After a while, they came to a large boulder blocking their path.

'Wanna head back?' Allen asked.

'No...' Lavi shook his head, 'Let's sit for a bit.'

_We stared up at the sky, our backs against the stone. The moonlight reflected in Allen's eyes, and made his hair shine. There was a serene smile on his face. Was it weird for a boy to look beautiful?_

Just then, there was a loud growling sound. Allen blushed a little and laughed.

'Heh, guess I didn't eat enough at the Asian branch... L-Lavi?!'

Allen blinked confusedly as Lavi buried his face in the crook of the shorter's neck, bringing his left arm around him in a one-armed hug.

'Don't look at me crying.' Lavi's voice cracked slightly, 'It aint good when a Bookman starts blubbering cos of how much he missed a certain idiot with white hair.'

Allen tensed, but after a second, he relaxed against the redhead and rubbed his back in comfort. He wasn't sure how long we sat there, but soon, Allen said he was losing circulation in his shoulder. Lavi chuckled and sat up and wiped his eyes. He sighed and stood up.

'Well, we better get back to the others before they send out a search party.'

Allen nodded and got up, and they started walking back.

'I missed you too, by the way.'

_I turned my head in surprise. Allen smiled brightly at me, then hurried on ahead of me. I'm pretty sure I saw his cheeks redden. I smiled to myself, and felt my heart warm a little._

--

**Man that was retarded. Sorry again for the shortness.**

**REVEIW!**


	5. Pillow talk

**YAYS! NEW ONESHOT!**

**Don't expect too much plot for this one. It's just Allen and Lavi talking in bed.**

**I don't own it.**

**--**

Lavi could feel the bed shift as Allen tossed and turned next to him. He wondered if the boy was having a nightmare, but was too sleepy to open his eye to check.

After another minute he heard Allen groan in exasperation and sigh heavily as the tossing stopped. The redhead rolled over and blindly felt for his lover, and wrapped his arm around the boy's waist once he found him.

'Mnnn... Allen, what's wrong? Bad dream?'

'No, just can't sleep...'

'Uh-huh...' Lavi opened, 'Any reason why?'

'Not really...' Allen murmured quietly, 'Just been having trouble sleeping this past week. Sorry if I woke you.'

'You could make up for it by telling me what's up.'

'But I just said-'

'Come on Allen,' Lavi opened his eye and grinned, 'I know when you're lying to me. And besides, a little pillow talk might help you sleep.'

Allen blinked at him, then smiled and sighed.

'Alright, I guess I've just been feeling a little stressed lately.'

Lavi nodded and shifted closer, laying a kiss on the shorter's head. Allen snuggled up against the older teen.

'Of course you're feeling stressed,' Lavi said calmly, resting his chin on Allen's head, 'I mean... The crap everyone's putting you through is really unfair.'

'Hm...' Allen nodded slightly. Lavi sighed and stroked the boy's hair absentmindedly. In a little more then a month, Allen had died, come back to life, fought a level three, fought a Noah, had most of his friends die then come back to life, and then be put under suspicion for being a traitor, then fight off another Noah, about a thousand level threes and a level four. Then, Cross went and told him he was becoming the fourteenth Noah whilst his true self died. And then, of course, there was that other thing...

'Lavi...' Allen murmured as though reading his mind, 'I wish we didn't have to keep our relationship a secret.'

'I do too... But we don't have to if you don't want to, Allen.'

'No, it's fine...' Allen shook his head, 'But... Well, with the things our going we might never find the right time to tell everyone... And when I become the fourteenth-'

'Hey.' Lavi hit the boy on the shoulder, 'None of then "When" stuff. It's an "If", got it? I know you well enough that you won't just give in and let some creepy guy hiding in your mind take over.'

'Ok...' Allen smiled slightly, '_If _I become the fourteenth, then, well... What happens to us then?'

'Dunno...' Lavi shrugged, 'I'll still love you if that's what you mean.'

'I know, and I love you too, but the fourteenth doesn't, so I think we'd have to... You know... Break u-'

Suddenly, Lavi smacked Allen hard on the head. The boy cried out and sat up, rubbing the sore spot.

'Ow! Lavi, what the hell did you do that for?!'

'For doubting us.' Lavi huffed in annoyance as he sat up also, 'Do it again and you'll get more then just a thump on the head.'

'I'm just trying to think ahead, Lavi. When... If this happens and we haven't sorted out what we would do then you might get hurt!'

'I know...' Lavi sighed sadly. He inched closer and took Allen in his arms. Allen pressed his face against the older's chest and breathed in his scent.

'I just don't like the idea of losing you...' Lavi continued.

'Neither do I... But... I can feel it start to happen. I'm fighting it, I really am... But... Listen Lavi, when I turn you have to promise me you won't come anywhere near me.

'Why, cos Cross said you'd kill someone you'd love? You're not capable of that.'

'I know I'm not. But I won't be me, will I? So... Just stay away... Please.'

Lavi didn't answer. Allen looked past him and saw his reflection in the window. He sighed heavily and looked away.

'God that's annoying...'

'What is?'

'The fourteenth... I can see him standing behind me when I see my reflection in mirrors and stuff. It's really annoying...' The white-haired boy paused and chuckled weakly, 'And it's made it really difficult to undress to take a bath.'

'The fourteenth gets to see you undressing every day?' Lavi pulled away and grinned, 'I'm jealous.'

'Pervert.' Allen playfully punched his shoulder. Just then, he raised his hand to cover a wide and sleepy yawn. Lavi laughed and ruffled his hair.

'See, what'd I tell ya? Talking to me always puts people to sleep... Wait, that came out wrong-'

Just then, Allen fell forward and landed on Lavi's shoulder, asleep. Lavi blinked stupidly for a second, then smiled and gently laid the boy back onto his pillow. He pulled the covers up to his shoulders and gave him a loving kiss on the lips.

'Sleep well, Allen.'

--

**Like I said, totally plotless... And I don't even know what I was writing! I just came up with the conversation as I went! Anyway, please review!**


	6. Bathroom

**A random fic I came up with at Animania whist talking to tinytruefan. We hung out for like half an hour but we forgot to ask eachother our names XD.**

**Heh, at some point we were talking about d.gray-man, and then started punching the air and screaming "YAOI THREESOME!" over and over… **

**Animania was quite good, but I think I mentally scarred a Tykki Cosplayer with my over zealous fangasm-ing.**

**I don't own dgm.**

**--**

'Lavi?' Allen blinked, 'Why are you trying to break into Kanda's room?'

Lavi looked up from the lock he had been trying to pick with what looked to be one of Miranda's hair pins and grinned brightly.

'For research!' The redhead punched the air enthusiastically. He suddenly reached forward, grabbed Allen's arm and pulled him over to the door.

'Invoke please,' he smiled happily.

'What? Why?'

'Cos I need those giant freaky claws on your left hand! This lock won't budge with something like a hair pin.'

'But-'

'Do it or I'll tell Kanda you broke into his room.'

'BUT I HAVEN'T! You're the one making me!'

'He doesn't know that….'

Allen sighed and activated the crowned clown. He poked one of the claws on his left hand into the narrow crack between the door and wall, and a second later there was a crack, followed by the door swinging open. Lavi gave a cry of triumph and pulled Allen into the room. They both stared.

'Woah...' Lavi blinked, looking around at the dark space, 'You'd think he'd have dusted this place... Oh well! Start looking in his bedside draws! I'll check his desk!'

The bookman grinned, then went over the desk in the corner and pulled out the draws and tipped the contents onto the ground. Allen sweatdropped in confusion as he started shuffling through them.

'Lavi, I'll probably regret asking this, but why the hell are you in here?'

'Because!' Lavi stood up and faced him, 'I'm trying to figure out if Kanda is really a boy or not!'

'What?! Of course he's a boy!'

'But don't you agree he looks really feminine? I mean, just look at his face and the hair!'

'I suppose...' Allen nodded slowly, 'But we've seen him with his shirt off!'

'So? He could just be incredibly flat chested! Anyway, the only way we'll know for sure without dropping his pants is to look through his stuff! Now do it or I'll tell him you were in here.'

Allen stared for a second, then sighed and went over to the bedside table. He started to look through the contents, knowing full well Lavi would keep to his word, even if it meant bringing himself down with him. After he was finished, he stood up.

'Right, no girly things in here.'

'Not here either...' Lavi sighed, looking disappointed for a second, and then suddenly his face split into a creepy smile as his eye fell on the bathroom door. He grabbed Allen's hand again, threw open the door and pulled him into the white tiled room.

'Well at least he keeps this place clean,' He sighed in relief.

'Lavi, can't we leave? Kanda could be back soon...'

'Wrong! He left for training a few minutes ago, wont be back for hours. Now get into that sink cabinet while I check the bath.'

Allen sighed and obeyed. He bent down and opened the doors, but suddenly, Lavi spoke again.

'You know, you sort of look like a girl too!'

'WHAT?!' Allen stood up and glared angrily, 'NO I DON'T!'

'But you do!' Lavi insisted, stepping forward, 'I mean... Your face is strangely cute for a boy's, your waist sort of dips in at the middle... and you kind of do that hip thing girls do when they walk too... And your arse looks like it's a girls too!'

'THE HELL WERE YOU STARING AT MY ARSE FOR?! And it does not, you pervert!'

'Drop your pants.'

Allen blinked, unsure if he'd heard right.

'P-Pardon?'

'Drop your pants,' Lavi repeated casually. 'That way I'll know if you're a boy or a girl.'

'NO!' Allen went bright red and gripped his belt protectively, as though afraid Lavi would do it himself.

Lavi grinned cheekily at Allen's blushing face, shrugged and turned back to the bath/ shower. The younger exorcist glared angrily at his back for a second, then rolled his eyes and went back to looking. There was nothing suspicious, just some bathroom scrub, a few face cloths, and some bars of soap. He stood up, closed the cabinet and reported his findings.

'Nothing, huh? Me too... This guy doesn't even own shampoo! Just soap and face wash... Oh my god...' Lavi suddenly looked shocked, 'You don't think Kanda's actually bald, do you?!'

'WHAT?!'

'I mean, if he was bald he wouldn't need shampoo and conditioner, so maybe his hair is actually a wig to cover up the fact he's gone bald prematurely! That's a very interesting turn of events...'

Lavi was lost in his conspiracy theories, a serious look on his face as he gazed into space. Allen sweatdropped, then went to the door.

'Well I'll see you later Lavi,' The boy sighed as he placed his hand on the door knob, 'Just remember not to tell-'

Suddenly, through the wood they could hear a lock click and the door to the samurai's room creak open, followed by footsteps.

Instantly, the two exorcists exchanged looks of terror, and pressed their ears to the door.

'I thought you said he'd be hours!' Allen hissed as quietly as he could.

'I did!' Lavi hissed back, 'I don't know why he's back!'

Just then, they heard Kanda walking towards the door.

'He's coming in!' Allen mouthed, eyes wide in terror. Lavi quickly looked around, then grabbed Allen's wrist, pulled him into the bath and jumped in after him, dragging the curtain shut us he did.

Allen felt his cheeks heat up. Lavi was lying right on top of him. He tried to shift a bit so they weren't in such a compromising position, but he had no room to move thanks to Lavi's knees on either side of his legs.

'What's wrong?' Lavi whispered under his breath, seeing the strange look on his face.

'N-nothing... Y-you're just heavy, could you move a bit?'

Lavi nodded and squirmed a bit so he wasn't so... On him, but as he did, his hands slipped on the porcelain, and he fell back down, and his lips connected with Allen's. They both went red and stared at eachother in shock.

Just then, the bathroom door opened and they heard steel-toed boots clink on the tiles. Lavi hastliy pulled away and they both listened intently, the kiss forgotten for the moment.

_'Just go to the toilet and leave...' _Allen silenty prayed, _'Just go to the toilet and leave..!'_

There was a rustling sound, and the soft thud of clothes dropping to the floor, however, there was no sound of a toilet lid opening...Which only meant one thing;

Kanda was getting undressed to take a shower.

_'We're going to die!'_ Allen thought in terror. The shower curtain was torn back, and the two exorcists in the bath looked up to se a shocked Kanda, in all his naked glory.

For a second, the three boys stared at eachother. Then-

'OOYZUCHI KOYUCHI!'

Lavi's hammer head shot into Kanda's chest, suddenly gigantic, and slammed him against the hall so hard there was a loud cracking sound. The samurai slid to the ground, unconcious, and Allen pushed Lavi off so he could get out to check the older man's pulse.

'Did i kill him?' Lavi asked as he climbed out of the tub.

'No, just knocked him out. Was that neccasary?'

'It was if we were gonna survive this. With any luck he'll forget we were in here, or at least think seeing us was a hallucination. Come on, lets get outta here before his healing power kicks in and he wakes up.'

Allen nodded, and the two ran from Kanda's room to thesafe confines of the cafeteria and library.

But not before Lavi took one quick glance in between the samurai's legs to confirm his gender.

'Damn, he's male. I was so sure...'

--

**Well that was fun. Not alot of Laven in there but it was still good. I just felt like writing something funny, all the fluff and angst was giving me a headache XD**

**Kind of perverted though...**

**REVEIW!**


	7. Help in getting ove a phobia

**Ok, not sure where this idea came from, but hey, a plot's a plot.**

**And yes, I am quite fond of the Lavi-falling-on-Allen scenario. I know I've used it a few times but hey, it makes good plot.**

**I don't own dgm.**

**--**

The day had started out normally for Allen.

He'd got up, did his morning exorcises, got dressed and went down to eat breakfast. He and Kanda gave each other the cold shoulder, and he chatted to Lavi while he ate. Then, the Bookman excused himself, saying he needed to go do some work in his room, and Allen was left to finish his mountain of food. After he was done, he decided to go to the training floor, as he had nothing better to do that day. To get to the floor in the new order, he had to go past the rooms again. As he was passing through there, however...

'GGYYYYAAAAAA!'

Allen heard the terrified scream and hurriedly looked around, searching for the source. Soon enough however, a door to his right was thrown open and Lavi rushed out, slammed the door behind him and leant against it, panting and clutching his heart. A look of utter terror was pasted across his face.

'Lavi?' Allen blinked and walked over to him, 'What's wrong?'

'Th-there's a monster in my room!' The Bookman's apprentice cried. He launched forward and hugged his face to Allen's tummy like a scared child. Allen sweatdropped and patted his back nervously.

'Uh, there there...? Lavi I don't sense any Akuma...'

'This is no Akuma!' Lavi stood up and pointed at the door dramatically, 'This... Is much worse! It came in through my window! It's enormous and brown and hairy and... Ugh...'

The older teen shuddered and rubbed his arms as though cold. Allen raised his eyebrow. He'd never figured Lavi to be the type that was afraid of spiders, seeing as he fought Akuma and Noah, but then he supposed everyone had an irrational fear. He himself was afraid of seaweed. The thought of touching that weird stuff made him feel queasy.

'Ok Lavi...' The fifteen year old sighed and smiled, 'Would you like me to go in and kill it for you?'

'Would you really?!' Lavi went doe-eyed, sparkles erupting around his head.

Allen chuckled and went to Lavi's door. He grasped the handle, turned it and went inside. Lavi followed, hiding behind his back. The white-haired exorcist cast a quick glance around the room, but he saw no spider.

'Where is it?' Allen enquired. Lavi pointed at the shelf above his bed. Sitting on the shelf was a small tawny owl, sleepily cleaning its feathers. Allen looked at the redhead strangely.

'THAT'S what you're so afraid of? A tawny owl? It's not even that big!'

'It's the biggest one I've ever seen! And of course I'm afraid of it! Why aren't you?!'

'... Because it's just a cute little owl!'

'Cute?' Lavi's eyes widened, 'CUTE?! You call that cute?! I-it's weird! I mean, look at its eyes! They're so big! And it feels like you're being watched! And what if I just left it in my room, huh? It could try to kill me while I worked! And the way it stays up during the night is definitely suspicious...'

He stared accusingly at the owl, narrowing his eye as though the bird had attacked him. The owl made a soft hooting sound and closed its eyes.

'See?!' Lavi hissed excitedly, 'It knows we're talking about it!'

'Actually, Lavi, I think it only came in here cos it's a safe place to sleep, not so it could murder you.'

'Yeah, that's what it would like you to think... I'm on to you!' He shouted, making the bird stir and stare at him. Allen sweatdropped again. He walked up to it and held out a hand. The owl stared at his hand, then got up and settled into the palm. The white haired exorcist smiled and held it, gently stroking the feathers on its head.

'See?' Allen held it out so Lavi could look, 'It's friendly.'

The owl hooted and tilted its head, considering Lavi curiously. Lavi blinked.

'Ok, I guess it's not that bad... But I still want him out of my room!'

'Aw, you're so mean Lavi! Isn't he, mister Owl?'

The owl looked at Allen and hooted as though in agreement. It was Lavi's turn to sweat drop.

'Ok, seriously, get him out.'

The bookman strode forward and activated his hammer. Allen back against the wall, and hid the owl behind his back protectively. Lavi grabbed his shoulder and tried to turn him around. Allen yelped and tried to push him away. He tried to leap over the bed, but the bookman caught his foot, and he landed with a thump onto the mattress.

'Gotcha!' Lavi leapt on top of him and tried to reach the owl.

'No!' Allen shook his head, 'Don't kill it!'

He held it out of the redhead's reach. Lavi crawled forward, and Allen grabbed the back of his collar with his free hand, halting him and pulling/pushing him down against him so he couldn't move. The tawny 

owl, seeing the danger it was in, took off from Allen's hand and out of the redhead's line of sight. Lavi sighed and looked down at Allen.

Allen stared back. Seconds passed awkwardly as they took into account the position they were in.

'Uh...' Allen blushed. He let go of the older teen and made to slide out from under him, but Lavi suddenly grabbed him, held him in place and kissed him. Allen made a surprised noise in the back of his throat, but after the shock cleared out of his system, he slowly reached up and gripped the back of the taller's shirt. Lavi deepened the kiss, and gently brushed his hand down Allen's side, making the boy shiver and move slightly more onto the bed. The eighteen year old followed his movement, and the kiss became faster, more deep and desperate. The temperature in the room had risen quite significantly, and Lavi found himself almost unconsciously unbuttoning the smaller's shirt. His brain told him to stop, but his heart told him other wise. His heart won out, but as he fumbled with the last button, he felt Allen grab his hands and stop him. Lavi pulled away, blushing, looking apologetic.

'I'm sorry! Do you not want-?'

'I-It's not that...' Allen panted as he sat up, 'I.. I just don't think I can do this while that owl is watching us.'

Lavi blinked, and looked to see the nocturnal bird was seemingly watching them from the headboard, its yellow eyes wide. Lavi narrowed his eye, and he went to grab his hammer.

'No, don't kill it!'

'I was never going to! I'm just gonna shove it...'

He made the handle extend. He poked the Owl in the side, and the owl, taking the hint, flew off the headboard and out the window. Lavi jumped up and shut the glass, then turned back. Allen was sitting sprawled on the bed, shirt undone to reveal his slim, pale chest, his eyes sparkling, and his cheeks a lovely shade of pink. He was smiling shyly. Lavi grinned back.

'Ok...' Lavi said slowly as he hopped back on the bed, 'Now where were we?'

--

**-Blink-**

**Oh my god that was horrible.**

**(Bangs head onto desk a million times)**

**REVIEW! **


	8. Memories

**Ok, I was thinking of trying a new style for the oneshot series, and this is what I came up with. Hope it's to your liking.**

**I don't own this.**

**--**

Lavi burst in through the doors of the infirmary, spotted Komui and a nurse at one of the beds in the corner and rushed over. Hearing his approach they turned to face him, and the Bookman saw an unconscious Allen lying in the bed.

'Wh-what happened to him?!' His voice cracked slightly, 'Yu-Chan said Road captured him and then gave him back but he couldn't wake him up...'

'That's pretty much the sum of it.' Komui sighed heavily, 'Allen doesn't appear to have any physical injuries that could cause this, but it seems he's in a coma. Timcanpy has been taken to the science lab in order for us to view the recording and figure out what happened, but for now we're at a loss-'

'Supervisor!' a scientist called from the door, 'You're needed!'

Komui nodded, gave his farewells and left. Lavi stared at the figure lying in the bed, then reached for a chair and sat down in it. Allen looked pale and unwell.

The boy had left with Kanda for a mission a week ago, and Lavi had gone on a separate mission. He'd gotten back today, and when he'd asked where Allen was, he'd been told of the events that led to his hospitalisation. The redhead sighed and reached forward to tuck a stray bang on the boy's hair behind his ear. He looked smaller and more fragile like this.

_That bitch Road better not have hurt him irreversibly, or so help me..._

He clenched his hands into fists. He knew first hand what the Noah girl could do to a persons mind. His last encounter with her had left him about to murder the very boy in front of him, the very boy he'd fallen in love with but had not realised until that moment when he'd managed to take control of himself and turn the fire seal on himself.

He sighed. Bookman had guessed of his feelings for Allen, but after assuring the old man he would never act on them and assuring him it was a mere crush that would fade away, he'd been allowed to stay at the order. The Panda was on a mission, but when he returned he wasn't going to be happy when he found out Lavi was skipping bookman duties in order to spend time with a coma patient.

--

Visitors for Allen soon came from all areas of the order bearing flowers and balloons and stuffed animals. They'd stay sitting and talking with Lavi, then leave. The most frequent visitors were Lenalee, Miranda, and the science department, though while they only stayed for an hour or so, Lavi found himself staying until late at night, and getting up early in the morning and repeating the cycle. Throughout the day he'd think "I'll just stay for another half hour in case he wakes up" but he never found the urge to leave. After three days of this, Komui came in looking tired.

'Any idea what happened to him?' Lavi turned to look at the older man.

'Not completely...' Komui sighed and sat next to him, 'But... From the footage we saw in Timcanpy's mind it seems that Road has trapped Allen in his own memories.'

'What...?'

'Yes, it shows her standing above Allen, and she says that since she can't have him to herself she wont let anyone else have him, and Allen asks what she means by that, and she explains she's going to seal him inside his own thoughts where his mind will be destroyed and where he can't get out. We've went over the footage countless times to examine it in case we missed something, but all that happens is she places her hand on his head, there's a flash of light, and that's it.'

'Hm... Why didn't she destroy his innocence?'

'She says in the video that it would a shame to ruin his body.'

Lavi chuckled dryly and leant back in his chair, staring up at the blank ceiling. He breathed deeply before continuing.

'So... How do we get Allen back?'

'We're working on that right now, but it's going to be difficult as we don't actually know what's wrong with him... But don't worry!' Komui smiled cheerfully and stood up, 'I'm sure he'll be alright!'

'Yeah...' Lavi nodded and attempted a smile, 'He definitely will be. Allen's too strong to let this keep him down for long.

Komui said goodbye and left out the door. The teen stared after him for a moment, then back at Allen. He smiled, leaned forward and stroked the side of his face with his palm.

'Hear that Allen? You're going to up and about in no time. I'll tell you what, if you wake up soon, I'll take you to the best All-you-can-eat restaurant in the universe, and you can eat all you want on my shout. I know heaps of good places too, even better then Jerry's food! Uh, but don't tell him that, he might try to poison me...'

For the next half hour, Lavi talked to Allen's still form, about his day, about what the others were doing, and about what they could do once he woke up. He wanted to go on, but to his surprise, he found tears running down his cheeks.

_What the... When did I start crying? Why am I crying?_

He asked himself those questions, but he already knew the answer. He was crying because for all his talk he didn't believe Allen was going to wake up.

Upon this thought, Lavi felt all the more compelled to stay with Allen. He supposed it was some kind of denial even though it was acceptance at the same time. He kept talking, encouraging him to wake up, gossiping about the goings on of the order, anything that came into his mind. Then, when he was so tired he couldn't keep his eye open, he leant his head and torso on the mattress, clasped Allen's hand in his own and went to sleep.

--

The redhead stood in darkness, confused about where he was. He looked down, and to his shock he couldn't see what he was standing on. He bent down and felt the surface of the ground. It felt smooth and cool, like marble. He wondered if he'd gone blind, but he could see his hand when he waved it in front of his face.

Just then, up ahead, a small light flickered on.

'Hello?' Lavi called, 'Anyone there?'

No answer. Curious, he started to walk closer. As he got nearer, he saw the source of a light was an oil-lit street lamp standing a few meters above the ground, piercing the darkness around it, revealing the ground to be a black, shiny stone.

Lavi walked nearer still, instinctively drawn to the light, but when he was only a few meters away, he noticed a person lying beneath it. The redhead stopped and his hand flew to his hammer, but to his shock and discomfort his innocence weapon was gone. He eyed the person cautiously, and gasped. It was Allen.

'Allen!' Lavi called and ran the rest of the distance. He fell to his knees and turned the exorcist on his back. He tried to wake him, shaking him and calling his name, but the boy lay there, not making a move. His skin felt like ice.

'Allen, come on buddy!' Lavi gently patted the boy's cheek, 'Snap outta it, we gotta go found a way outta here!'

'Suddenly, Allen's eyes snapped open, causing Lavi to jump back in shock, but at the same time a wave of relief washed over him.

'God Allen...' Lavi sighed and smiled nervously as the younger boy sat up, 'You scared the shit outta me... Allen?'

Allen had stood up and started walking away from the lamp post. Lavi jumped up and called out to him, jogging to catch up with him.

'Hold on, Allen! We gotta stay together, don't-'

He reached out to grab his shoulder. At his touch, the boy froze, and suddenly faded away. Lavi gasped in shock and stumbled back, but hit a wall. Surprised, Lavi turned to find a large stone wall had risen behind him. When he turned back, the black landscape had changed to a wide snow field. It was a valley, with the white stone surrounding the field in high, jagged, daunting cliffs similar in appearance to solid ice. The sky above them was a deep indigo colour, lit up by a pale blue moon. It was beautiful and unnerving at the same time, for although it appeared to be winter, Lavi wasn't cold.

'God, where the hell am I?! Allen!'

He called for the boy and started walking forward, his boots crunching in the snow beneath him. He could easily see the entire valley's corners just by turning around and looking in each direction and Allen obviously wasn't there, but... He couldn't help but shake the feeling he was.

--

Lavi collapsed against the stone, exhausted from searching. He was starting to feel the cold now, and shivered slightly, wishing he had his coat with him.

'Dammit Allen, why can't I find you?'

He drew his knees to his chest and rested his head on them. He was getting sleepy...

Just then, he heard a noise. He looked up, and found to his surprise his location had changed. He was now in some kind of cave, but not just a normal cave. As he stood up, images flashed all over the rock walls like a TV screen. There was a little kid with brown hair being beaten up by bullies, mocked for his arm, then on another wall he was trying to find food, and in another, he was sitting beside a grave crying, then an Akuma slashing his face...

Lavi gasped and looked around as he realised the boy was Allen. Were these his memories?

They must have been. As he walked, looking at the memories on the wall, Lavi realised that they were all bad memories, showing the death and sadness and destruction in the young boy's life... But Lavi was sure the boy had good memories too! Where were they?

He stopped. There was a young boy sitting in the corner, his back facing the redhead. He was sobbing.

He had white hair.

'Allen...?' Lavi took a step forward. Suddenly, there was a loud crack, and a wall of ice rose up in front of him, blocking his path.

'Allen!' Lavi knocked on the ice with his fists.

'Go away...' The little boy's voice sobbed, 'Leave me alone...'

'I can't do that; I have to bring you back home! Come on, I promised I'd take you to that restaurant. Please?'

The boy stopped crying. He slowly turned to look at Lavi though the ice, wiping the tears from his silver eyes.

'I-I know your v-voice...' He sniffed and hiccupped, 'you... You were saying all those nice things about food and those people... W-Who are you?'

'I... I'm Lavi. Don't you recognise me?'

'No... But I heard your voice a little while ago, you seem to know me.'

'Yeah, I do.' Lavi smiled and nodded, 'We're friends.'

'Fr-friends?' Allen choked as he shook his head, 'We can't be friends, No one loves me...'

'That's not true!'

'Yes it is...'

The boy turned back to face the wall. Lavi furrowed his brow. He backed up, and ran into the ice, shouldering it hard. He backed up again and repeated the motion, trying to make it break.

'Stop that...' Allen sobbed, 'I want to be alone...'

'No you don't! No one wants to be alone, Allen! Come on, come with me and we'll go home. I'll take you to that restaurant and you can eat ten times your weight in miterashi dango, then we can go tease Yu-Chan and pull a prank on him, and we'll go talk to the science department and try to fight off Komui's latest experiment! Don't you wanna go home?'

'I don't know what you're talking about...' Allen shook his head and clasped his knees to his chest, 'I don't... Remember...'

Lavi stood back, massing his sore shoulder and feeling desperate. He backed up a final time, and delivered a hard kick to the ice. A small crack appeared after coming in contact with his steel toed boots. He smiled, and tried another kick, and more cracks appeared. After one more, the ice shattered like glass, and Lavi stepped through.

He knelt beside the sobbing boy and took him in a warm embrace.

'There There...' Lavi smiled, rubbing the boy's back like a parent would to comfort a distressed child, 'No need to cry, is there? Friends hate to see each other cry, you know.'

'B-But... I can't... No one loves me, everyone's abandoned me...'

'Like I said Allen, that's not true. I love you. I love you very much, and there are more people at home who love too, and none of us would ever abandon you...'

'R-Really?'

'Really...'

Allen nodded slowly, and leant his head against Lavi's chest, falling asleep. All around them, the sound of glass cracking could be heard and pieces of the memories fell away from the wall, flying around the room in a frenzied whirlwind. Lavi leant over Allen to protect him from the flying glass, but suddenly the wind stopped, and when the bookman looked up again, there were memories on the wall again, but they were good ones. It showed a boy playing with his father, a teenager laughing with his friends, and the cave had the atmosphere of a happy place. Lavi looked down at the boy in his arms and discovered he had turned into his fifteen year old self again. Allen slowly opened his eyes, blinking confusedly. Lavi grinned.

'Ready to go home, Allen?'

Allen looked uncertain, but after a second, he smiled and nodded.

--

Lavi started and sat up, panting. He was back in the hospital ward, sitting next to Allen's bed. He looked at the exorcist's pale face, searching for signs of wakefulness, but he remained sill. The bookman chuckled harshly to himself and leant his head in his hands.

_Idiot, it was just a dream...'_

'Lavi?' A voice yawned as the figure in the bed shifted.

Lavi gasped and looked up. Allen was smiling sleepily at him.

'Allen!' Lavi cried cheerfully, leaping forward and catching the boy in a tight embrace, 'I'm so glad you woke up!'

'Argh! Lavi, you're crushing me!'

'Sorry...'

The redhead let go, smiling ear to ear. Allen propped himself up in his pillows and grinned back at him.

'Now what was that about taking me to the best all-you-can-eat restaurant in the universe?'

Lavi sweatdropped.

'Heh, you remember that, huh?'

--

**Wow that took ages to write! Almost an hour and a half! Well, i don't like it that much, but please review.**


	9. New Years Day

**I don't own dgm.**

**--**

Allen sidled his way through the laughing and happy crowd and arrived at the snack table where he proceeded to load up the food onto the biggest plate he could find.

'Hey Allen!' a cheerful voice cried as the younger boy felt a clap on his back, 'Happy New year!'

'Hi Lavi.' Allen turned to smile at the redhead. 'But it's not New Years just yet.'

'Details...' Lavi waved his hand boredly.

Lavi had put on a purple paper crown in place of his usual headband, the kind you'd get as a prize from Christmas crackers. Lavi reached into his pocket and tugged out a pink one and stuck it on Allen's head.

'Pink look's good on you.'

'Shut up.' Allen glared, a light blush spreading across his cheeks.

Lavi chuckled and slung his arm around the boy's shoulders in a friendly fashion. They chatted for a little while longer, eating and drinking, when suddenly there was a loud shout as Komui appeared, jumping onto one of the tables.

'Ok everyone! It's time for the count down! Ten-!

Nine!

Eight!

Seven!

Six!

Five!

Four!

THREE!

TWO!

ONE!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!'

As these words were said, Lavi suddenly grabbed either side of Allen's face and pulled him in for a kiss. Allen's eyes widened in shock and he froze. As everyone cheered and threw streamers around the room, Lavi stood back, red faced and grinning, the paper crown on his head somewhat crooked.

'Happy new year Allen!' Lavi laughed and slapped the smaller boy's back, bringing him out of his trance, 'Well, I'll see you in the morning; I'm too tired to stay up any later.'

Allen gave a short nod, still staring at the older boy, and Lavi turned around to make his way through the crowd. After a minute, he leant against the wall next to him, the stone cool against his heated cheek.

--

Allen didn't want to get out of bed, but he was also itching to go to the cafeteria. Lavi had kissed him last night, and he really wanted to know why, but at the same time he was afraid of the answer. It had all come as a total shock; no warning, no hint, not even an embrace or a sly grin that suggested something. He'd just been grabbed and kissed, seemingly at random.

At that moment his stomach gave a loud growl and he suddenly felt the sensation of being empty. He sighed heavily, threw back the covers and went to the dresser to put on his day clothes. He ran a comb through his hair, and when that was done he left through the door and began the automatic trudge to the cafeteria. Even though he felt hungry, it was merely a habit thing. In truth his stomach was churning uncomfortably, and his face was burning somewhat, making his skin sting when he touched his forehead with a cool hand to check for a fever. He wanted to believe he was just sick, but truthfully he'd always had a crush on Lavi, and now, it seemed to have gotten worse thanks to that sudden kiss.

He arrived at the cafeteria. He glanced around, and to his mixed relief and disappointment he found the older teen to be absent. He went over to the ordering window, stated the list of food, and then went to sit down, his head in his hands.

'Morning!'

Allen shot up, trying not to gasp as Lavi slid into the seat next to him.

'Hey, Allen, you don't look so good. Was there something in the drinks last night? Do you have a hangover? Jerry said they were non-alcoholic at that table but he could've had gotten them mixed up-'

'Um...' Allen swallowed nervously, staring at his hands in his lap 'Lavi? Last night... Why'd you kiss me?'

'Oh... Um, cos it was New years. You know, that funny tradition where you kiss someone at the end of the countdown? I normally do it to Yu-Chan but he was on a mission... On purpose I think... So it was good to have someone who didn't try to kill me, sorry I didn't warn you but your face was hilar... Are you ok?'

Allen was vaguely aware of the pained expression on his face. He tried to smile.

'Y-Yes, I'm ok... It's just that's the first time I've heard about such a tradition.'

'Oh!' Lavi blinked, 'Seriously? Ah Geez... Sorry if I confused you!

'S-S' ok...' To Allen's horror, he felt tears well in his eyes to accompany the deep sadness in his chest. He hastily got to his feet, covered his face with hands and ran from the cafeteria without even eating.

--

So it had all been a joke.

Allen sighed and slid down the wall in the narrow hall way, wiping the tears from his face. He knew it was childish to be reacting like this but he couldn't help it. It was quite a shock to like someone for ages then have them kiss you and say it was a joke, or tradition or whatever. After a moment of sooking, he took a deep breath and stood up. He didn't particularly feel like eating now, so he was going to work off his frustration in the training floor. A punch up with Kanda would help him forget about this.

He wasn't blaming Lavi for intentionally hurting him, but he couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit angry with him for doing something so stupid as to kiss an unsuspecting friend.

'You stupid idiot!' Allen growled angrily.

'Aw, that's a bit harsh, but I suppose I deserve it.'

Allen almost had a heart attack. He gasped and turned to see Lavi grinning apologetically at him.

'Hey Allen, if took from your sudden departure and the fact you were crying that you were upset with me.'

'Wh-WHAT?!' Allen shook his head, 'I wasn't... And I'm not... So...'

The younger exorcist blinked as he felt a fresh wave of tears coming. He swore under his breath and pressed his sleeve to his eyes, trying to get rid of them. Lavi, looking concerned, took a few steps forward. Allen backed away, suddenly afraid, but he hit the wall. With no where to go, Lavi closed the distance between them until they were only ten centimetres apart.

'Allen... Are you sad because the kiss I gave you wasn't real?'

'No...' Allen lied, his face reddening.

'Allen, I know when you're lying to me...' Lavi grinned as the boy looked up in shock. ' Anyway, no need to be sad... Because, you see, it was, in fact, real. I wanted to give you a real kiss without you knowing, so the New Year's countdown was the best excuse to kiss you.'

Allen stared up at him, unable to believe it. Lavi's smile softened as he leant down, and their lips connected.

--

**Aw, cute, no? REVEIW!**


	10. Cloud Gazing

**Hm, not exactly sure where this instead came from. Dedicated to Nella-from-the-batcave. Sorry it turned out differently from what you asked.**

**I don't own it.**

**--**

Lavi lay on the soft grass, hands behind his head, a warm breeze slowly blowing the clouds across the sky. He sighed and smiled. He hadn't simply relaxed like this in a long time, and now that he had, he realized how much fun goofing off was.

He hoped he'd be able to get up soon though, or he'd miss the train.

'Lavi,' Allen's face appeared above him, blocking the view of the clouds, 'The next train leaves in half an hour.'

Lavi nodded, pretending to listen. He stared up into Allen's eyes. He'd noticed recently that they weren't his. Yes, they were still the same shape and colour, and they were quite obviously on their intended body, but looking at them… You didn't feel like you were talking to Allen anymore.

His face was different too. He still looked like Allen… But what happened to that smile that could light up a room? What happened to the adorable pout, the annoyed-with-Kanda angry face, or the nervous uh-what face?

The only expression the boy seemed to carry these days was of blank seriousness. Hell, Kanda Yu had more expressions then that!

'Lemme ask you something,' Lavi yawned as he looked up seriously at the now-sixteen year old, 'Who am I talking to right now?'

'What kind of a question is that? You're talking to me.'

'No, I mean…. Am I talking to Allen, or am I talking to the fourteenth?'

Silence. Lavi sighed. He wasn't sure who this boy was anymore, but it wasn't Allen… At least not fully.

'I'm going to check around for information on the Earl-' Allen made to turn around and walk away, but Lavi reached up, gave a sharp tug to the hem or the exorcist's coat, and Allen landed with a soft thud on the grass next to him.

'Allen, you don't need to work all the time. The Earl has been pretty quiet lately since the attack on headquarters; I think we can afford to take half an hour while waiting for our train.'

'But-'

'Just be a good little Moyashi and lie there, ok?' Lavi turned his head to grin cheekily at him. Allen looked back at him, a slight pout crossing his features. The redhead's smile softened as he bent his elbow up to cup the boy's cheek in his hand. There was definitely some of the old Allen left in there, at least a little.

The Bookman let his hand fall back on the grass. The breeze was warm, so he took off his coat and folded it under his head as a pillow. He sighed contently and stared up at the whites and blues of the sky.

'See that cloud?' Lavi pointed up above them, 'It looks like a flower.'

'It does?' Allen's voice lacked interest.

'Yeah. See? There are the petals, those are the leaves... That's the stalk... What kind do you think it is?'

'Does it matter?'

'Yup,' Lavi nodded happily, 'For all we know we might have discovered a new kind of flower, and we have to name it before someone else finds it and steals our flower-shaped-cloud-finding glory.'

'Fine...' Allen sighed, lacking real interest, 'It's a cloud rose.'

'Pretty name, though lacking in creativity. You really think it looks like a rose? I thought it was a daisy or something.'

'No, it's definitely a rose. It was the way the petals sort of looked like they were swirling.'

'Hm, true... Though thanks to this breeze it kind of looks like a bunny now.'

'Well of course_ you_ would see a bunny, Usagi.'

Lavi chuckled and shifted a little on the grass. Allen sighed.

'Why does Kanda call you Usagi anyway?'

'Cos my favourite animal is a rabbit, and he thinks calling me that annoys me for some reason.'

Allen made an uncommitted noise and they lapsed into silence. Lavi sighed heavily and smiled a little. Allen's transformation into the fourteenth had not been like they had anticipated. It was a slow personality change, the boy eventually gaining more memories and desires of the fourteenth and forgetting what he used to be like... What he used to love. Lavi wondered if he could even remember when the two had been lovers. They hadn't broken up, but you couldn't really break up when you couldn't remember being together. It made him depressed, he felt empty inside that the boy he loved had practically forgotten the moments where they had been happiest.

'Allen...' Lavi sat up, 'Do you... Do you still love me? Or have the feelings faded away?'

'I.. I don't know, Lavi. I can't remember much about when I did...'

Lavi sighed. He still loved Allen, and he doubted he would ever stop. He hated the damned fourteenth and what he was doing to Allen. The boy deserved to be happy, not used as a puppet to finish the job. It just wasn't fair.

He wanted Allen back.

He turned to look down at the exorcist lying on the grass.

'I'm going to kiss you now.'

He placed his hands on the sides of Allen's face, leant down and placed his lips on his. Allen seemed neither pro nor con for this action, though as Lavi pulled away, he saw a small smile on the boy's face, and a familiar shine in his silver eyes. However, the moment was gone in a second, and it might have well been just a trick of the light. He sighed and stood up.

'Lets go, train must be here soon...'

Allen nodded, and Lavi started to walk up the hill towards the station, Allen following. He wasn't sure what he had wanted to achieve by kissing him. It could have been because he loved him, because he wanted a sense of normality, it could have been he was hoping that maybe he could remind Allen of who he was and what they were to each other once.

Or it could have been all of the above.

He just wanted Allen back, but he doubted he ever would.

--

**Aw, sad.**

**REVIEW!**


	11. Torture

**I don't own DGM.**

**WARNING: Torture, Kanda is kind of OOC.**

**--**

It had been five years.

Five years, since the order had tried Allen for heresy, which had apparently been code for: Torture him into insanity.

Five years since Bookman had forced Lavi to watch in order to record history, to hear every anguished scream for help, to see the way he gazed at him in pleading desperation seconds before the torturer cut him, beat him, poisoned him, electrocuted him, whatever method they had decided to try. They'd been just meters away in the same cold stone room, with the boy kept standing by chains and shackles wrapped around his bloody wrists.

The first time Lavi had seen it happen, he'd tried to stop them, but Bookman had beaten him and threatened him. He'd been forced to watch the boy he loved, his best friend, go through this, and all his instincts had told him to help, but he had not, because of his duty to the clan.

Afterwards he'd thrown up. Whether or not it was because of his disgust in himself or the horrible things done to the innocent boy, he'd never be sure.

Every day he'd begged Bookman to let him not watch, and every day Bookman had refused, saying it was good to make him watch, he'd been too attached to the boy and this was a good way of severing that attachment, training him not to care, to watch without fear.

Then, when they'd exhausted all their methods of torture, they wheeled in a large box with a latch. Lavi had never seen anything like it before, and wondered what on earth was inside it, but Bookman knew. The old man was staring at it in horror, and actually asked if it was really necessary. Leverrier, who was also present, merely smiled that sick smile of his and replied yes it was. Bookman had then told Lavi to get out immediately. Lavi protested, wanting to know what they were going to do to his friend, wanting to stop it, but Bookman threatened him and pushed out of the room and locked the door. Lavi yelled for it to be opened, but then, he heard the most terrified, painful, heartbreaking scream he'd ever hear in his life.

Then, Leverrier and the torturer came out saying Allen had proven innocent, and left. Bookman also came out, and passed the redhead wordlessly, leaving the door ajar. Terrified of what he would find, Lavi opened the door and looked in. Allen had been released from the shackles, and was now curled up in the corner, trembling and sobbing. The redhead took a few steps forward, and had called his name softly. Allen looked up, eyes wide and terrified, and as the redhead crouched and extended a hand to him, the boy had started screaming and thrashing and tried to throw his hand away like it was hot. He didn't recognise him. Lavi hurriedly withdrew it, staring in horror.

What they done to this once-pure soul?

Then, a few doctors came in, managed to get a hold of the terrified youth, and injected something into him through a needle, knocking him into unconsciousness. They loaded him onto a bed and wheeled him away, leaving Lavi in the cell, to wallow in the horror he'd let fall on his loved one because of his duty to the clan.

The doctors said he'd suffered extreme psychological and emotional damage, and would probably never fully recover.

Lavi couldn't forgive himself for what he'd let happen to his loved one. He let him become a broken shadow, a shell of a human being. He couldn't stand to look at himself in the mirror. He hated to look at Allen, scared and curled up in the corner of his private infirmary room, screaming and scratching and kicking at anyone who tried to touch him. It made him feel sick, like he wanted to throw up again. It was all his fault.

--

Lavi turned the page of the paper and sipped his coffee. It had been five years since he'd seen anyone from the order, besides the odd finder wandering around the various towns he'd visited. He was twenty-two years old, turning twenty-three in august, but ever since he'd taken over as Bookman such a thing was no longer important.

Still, he did miss, the giant birthday cake Jerry used to cook, and the party, and the hugs from his friends. But there was no way he could go back to the order. He'd left, as he'd been unable to face anyone after what he'd let happen to Allen. These days, he was just trying to keep busy, so as to push the horrors from his mind.

He put down the paper, stood up, exited his motel room and went down the stairs. He was going to look around town, as his train wasn't arriving until sometime tomorrow.

He stepped out into the cold February air and shivered, drawing his trench coat around him more firmly. He was in some coastal town in England, and he briefly stopped to sate out over the grey ocean. He sighed, then-

'Rabbit?'

Lavi blinked in surprise as he heard a familiar voice behind him. Before he could react, he felt a strong hand grip his shoulder and roughly turn him around. A Japanese exorcist with waist-length hair stood there, a look of mixed anger and shock on his face.

'Y-YU!' Lavi gasped, stumbling back in shock. The two stared at each other for a moment, and then Kanda reached forward, grabbed the former exorcist by the collar, and punched him in the jaw so hard Lavi saw stars. The samurai let go, and Lavi slid to his knees, clutching his face.

'YOU ASSHOLE!' Lavi looked up to see the other man holding the point of mugen to his head, 'HOW COULD YOU JUST LEAVE LIKE THAT AND NEVER EVEN SAY YOU WERE GOING?! Gimme one good reason why I shouldn't kill you right now!'

Lavi stared up at him, and he felt tears prick at his eye. He looked at the ground.

'I'm sorry...'

He could feel Kanda's angry glare on the back of his bowed head, and braced himself for the sensation of headlessness, but then he heard the sound of a sword being re-sheathed, and felt Kanda seize the back of his collar and pull him to his feet. He smiled weakly at his friend.

'It's... It's good to see you, Yu-Chan.'

'Che...'

Lavi chuckled, seeing the man hadn't changed at all. Suddenly, the exorcist grabbed his hand and started pulling him down the street.

'Wha- Yu?'

'Shut up. We're going to find a place to sit down then you're going to explain why the hell you left. And don't you even think about lying!'

--

The Japanese exorcist sat him at the table, and the two ordered coffee. Lavi had already had one this morning, but that had been decaf. He tapped his fingers nervously on the table as Kanda stared at him.

'So?' Kanda said.

Lavi swallowed. He couldn't say he'd let that happen to Allen.

'I-I left cos Bookman said I was getting too attached to you guys, it wasn't good for my work and stuff.'

He swallowed and waited for a reaction.

'I see,' He said coolly, 'But that's not all there is to it, is there? I will find out, Rabbit.'

'Heh...' Lavi chuckled dryly, 'No getting past you is there? Anyway, I'm surprised you care so much, I woulda thought you would be dancing the day I left for good.'

Kanda glared at him with icy eyes.

'Lavi, you left right after the Beansprout was tortured into insanity. Do you have any idea how hard that was on him?'

'Hard? Yu, he didn't even recognise me! He thought I was trying to hurt him!'

'So?! Lavi, you once told me that you loved him. If that was true you would've stayed anyway. Besides...He started to get better after a few months. And you know what the first thing he said was? He asked if you were coming to visit him later.'

Lavi looked up in shock. Kanda stared back intensely.

'No matter how many times we told him you weren't coming back,' the samurai continued, 'every day he'd ask that question. It was the only thing he said for a year.'

Lavi stared at the ground, unable to believe it. After what he'd let happened... Allen had still wanted to see him? Unless... Unless it was only to scream at him or punch him. He couldn't blame the boy. He felt like screaming and punching himself too. He sighed, and opened his mouth to speak, but then, the door of the cafe they were sitting in opened, and-

'BaKanda!' a white-haired exorcist in his late teens stalked angrily over to their table, 'You were supposed to meet me at the bridge! I've been standing there freezing my arse off and you're sitting having coffee?!'

Lavi stood up in shock, jaw dropping and chair being knocked backwards onto the floor. Here before him stood Allen, perfectly normal and apparently unhurt. It was then the younger exorcist noticed him. He looked him up and down in confusion, then, recognition crossed his face.

'L-Lavi!' he gasped.

Lavi bolted past him and ran out the door and down the street. He could hear the two exorcists calling out to him, and he honestly didn't know why he was running, but all he knew was that he was a coward, and there was no way he could face the one he loved. Not after what he'd let happen-

'LAVI!'

Suddenly, he felt something tackle him and pin him to the ground. He struggled, and tried to stand, but he was held firmly.

'Lavi, stop it! Why are you trying to run away?'

Lavi tensed at the sound of Allen's voice. He sounded older then he had five years ago, but not very.

'Lavi, answer me!'

'I-I...' Lavi struggled to find the words, 'I'm running cos I don't deserve to look at you.'

Allen was silent. Lavi waited, his heart racing, and finally the teen sighed.

'You've changed a lot in the last fives years Lavi. I'll let you up but you better not run away.'

'Ok...'

The Bookman felt Allen's grip loosen. He slowly got up and turned to face his friend, and tried to read his face. It was sad, angry, and confused.

'Allen...' The redhead swallowed back the urge to cry, 'I'm...'

'We need to talk.' The white-haired exorcist said bluntly.

Lavi nodded, took Allen's hand and started to lead him back to his motel.

--

'S-So where'd Yu go?' Lavi attempted to make small talk as he sat down in the chair opposite Allen.

'I told him I needed to talk to you alone. He's meeting me back at that diner in an hour.

Lavi nodded, and tried to grin.

'I-It's good you're all better now. How long have you been doing missions?'

'This is my second one. Komui's giving me easy ones spread apart so I don't get overwhelmed... Lavi, about what happened five years ago...'

'I'm sorry.' Lavi stared at his feet, unable to look Allen in the eye, 'I should never have let those terrible things happen to you. I realise now my duty as a bookman is nowhere near as important as the safety of my friends... I understand if you hate me.'

'But then why did you leave?' Allen sounded desperate, 'If we were more important why'd you choose that over us? When I started to get my senses back and I found out you left after I was tortured I thought... I thought you didn't care about me.'

Lavi's eye widened and he looked up in shock. Allen was staring at his lap, wringing his hands stressfully. There were tears running down his face.

'Allen.' Lavi reached across to gently squeeze his shoulder, 'I won't ever stop caring about you.'

'That doesn't answer the question Lavi.'

'I left because when I looked at you I felt sick. I couldn't stand the fact I'd let them do that to you... And I thought cos of that you'd hate me and wouldn't want to see me. I hated myself and I didn't deserve to be around you... I'm sorry...'

There was silence from the other boy. Lavi wondered if he should get up and leave, but just then, he heard Allen get up from his chair, walk around the table, and pull him into a hug. He blinked, surprised.

'A-Allen... I... You don't hate me?'

'No...' Allen pulled away and smiled weakly, 'But I wish you hadn't beaten yourself up over it for all this time. You've become a completely different person. I miss the old Lavi... Wait, you're Bookman now, aren't you?'

'Hm...' Lavi nodded and grinned, 'But that title makes me think I'm an old man. Lavi is fine.'

Allen chuckled, and sat next to Lavi on the couch. He leant his head against the redhead's shoulder, and Lavi put his arms around him in a gently embrace, apologetic and affectionate at the same time.

They sat like that four a long time, until the sky outside was dark. Allen sighed and made to sit up.

'I missed Kanda. He's probably gone back to our motel without me.'

'Where are you staying?'

'Some place across town, I forget the name...'

'Oh, so you'll have to stay with me tonight?'

'No, it's fine...' Allen smiled and stood up, 'I know where it is and I remember what it looks like.'

'Oh...' Lavi felt disappointed as he followed Allen to the door. When they reached it, the boy stopped, turned and smiled at the older man.

'Well... I'm glad you're ok...' Lavi grinned happily. He still felt unsure about it all, and he was still guilty, but Allen didn't blame him, and seeing his smile made him feel a lot better.

'Yeah...' Allen nodded 'But... Lavi... I understand that you're Bookman now so you have a lot of responsibility, and you aren't supposed to have attachments... But could you at least write every once in a while? Just... Just to let me know that you're safe and stuff.'

'Yeah...' Lavi petted Allen's head, making him pout, 'I will.'

Allen grinned brilliantly, then, he did something Lavi never expected him to; he put his hands on Lavi's shoulders, stood on his toes and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. He then said a final farewell and exited the hotel room.

--

Allen and Kanda trudged towards the train station. The smaller of the two sighed and clenched the front of his coat, wishing the pain in his heart would go away. He had been glad to see Lavi, to see he was ok, to know that he cared, but he didn't like it that he wasn't going to see the redhead again. He'd been devastated when he'd realised he really had left the order, and in his unstable state he'd cried for almost two days. Still, Lavi had promised to write at least, so it wasn't all that bad...

He gave a small smile as he touched two fingers to his lips. It had been pure impulse that he'd kissed him, but he was glad he had.

'Oi Beansprout,' Kanda's voice shook him out of his thoughts, 'Did you find out why the Rabbit left the order?'

'No...' Allen shook his head, 'He didn't tell me.'

'Che...'

Allen knew Lavi wouldn't want the reason he left spread around, so he'd decided to keep it to himself. He didn't blame him for what happened to him five years ago, but he knew the redhead felt guilty. Plus, not everyone would be that understanding...

They entered the train station and stood on the platform. Allen bent forward a little to peer down the dark tunnel. They were heading back to the black order, their mission finished. Allen hoped the fact they had completed it in such a short time would encourage Komui to let him have harder missions. Since Kanda had been assigned to take care of him, he knew the samurai was getting frustrated by having to play baby sitter.

A few minutes of waiting passed, and the loud rumbling sound from the tunnel alerted them to the approaching train. As it pulled up, the doors opened, and the two exorcists stepped on and made their way towards the first class compartment. As they sat down, Allen sighed.

'Quit sighing,' Kanda growled in annoyance, 'You've been doing that since last night. It kept me awake.'

'Sorry...' Allen smiled and stared out the window at the brick wall of the indoor station. After a few minutes, the train started moving again with a lurch. He sighed again, and Kanda glared and was about to open his mouth, when the sliding dor was thrown open to reveal Lavi, panting slightly as though he'd been running.

'L-Lavi!' Allen stood up in surprise, 'What are-?

'I um... I think I wanna come back to the order...' The redhead smiled.

He then went over the white haired ten, wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed him. He then leant his head on the surprised boy's shoulder.

_'Thanks for forgiving me.'_

--

**Wow that was crap. Well, hope you aren't too disappointed.**

**REVEIW!**


	12. Lessons

**I don't own this.**

**--**

Allen crouched behind a shelf in the library and peered through it, watching as Link passed the door, looked in, and unable to see anyone continued past and out of sight. The white-haired boy sighed in relief, stood up and walked out of the row, towards the reading area. He settled on a cushy armchair, and picked up a discarded book on the coffee table to casually flick through.

For days Howard Link had been following him around, sleeping in his room, eating with him, hell, the teen had even tried to watch him shower on the first day of observation. Allen didn't want to cause panic or trouble, but really he needed a rest from it.

'Hey, Allen.'

Allen almost fell off his chair in shock as Lavi appeared standing next to him.

'L-Lavi!' Allen gasped, 'Uh-'

'S'ok,' The redhead grinned, sitting on a chair opposite him and opening large book the size of an encyclopaedia, 'I wont tell Spotty-Two where you are. You could get in pretty big trouble for running away though...'

'I know...' The exorcist groaned and covered his face, 'But Link... He's everywhere! I can't get a moment's privacy! He even tried to watch me in the shower for god's sake!'

'Wow,' Lavi chuckled, 'He's either really dedicated or really perverted...'

'Hm...' Allen smiled tiredly at the redhead. Even though he wanted privacy, he was glad he was there. He liked Lavi a lot, much more then just as a friend, and enjoyed his company greatly. He looked at the giant book in his lap.

'What's that? Work for Bookman?'

'What? No, just some light reading... It's a good story, it's about a dragon that falls in love with a princess, so he turns himself human, but instead of the princess falling in love with him like he planned the scullery maid does.'

'Funny..' Allen drew his knees up to his chest, 'You really like reading...'

'Sure do. Nothing like curling up on a rainy day like today with a nice story...'

Allen nodded absent-mindedly and blushed, thinking he'd like to do that with the redhead sometime. He shivered a little, and suddenly a woolen blanket was thrown over him.

'Saw you shiver...' Lavi smiled kindly.

'Thanks... Lavi?'

'Hm?'

'Can I tell you a secret?'

'Sure can...' The bookman looked up from his book and grinned slyly.

'I, um, can't read...'

'What?!'

'I mean... Well, I can read and write and stuff, but only to a certain extent, you know? Mana tried to teach me, but only the basic stuff, cos he hadn't learnt much either. I can't read big words or complicated sounds, and it takes me centuries to read long books...'

'Wow. Can't read,' Lavi scratched the back of his head, 'Well, we all have our faults I guess... I'll tell you what my secret is? I can't swim.'

'You can't?' Allen blinked in surprise. 'But wouldn't you need to know, what with all the travelling you do?'

'I guess...' The redhead sighed and sat cross-legged, 'But I was born in-land, so I didn't need to learn there, then when Panda found me the subject never really came up so... But I was thinking I should learn. When the Akuma attacked Anita's ship I almost drowned at one point, had to be rescued...'

'Well how about I teach you?'

Allen was surprised he'd made such an offer to the redhead, but when it came to Lavi he found himself acting on impulse. Lavi looked surprised too.

'You teach me? Are you a good swimmer?'

'Yeah, I'm pretty good. I'm pretty sure the order has a heated pool in the training floor, we could go swimming any time you're free.'

'Thanks,' Lavi smiled gratefully. 'I was afraid I'd have to get Panda to teach me...'

'But in exchange,' Allen grinned, 'you gotta teach me how to read.'

The Bookman grinned. 'It's a deal.'

'WALKER!'

Allen jumped a meter in the air and looked around to see Link striding towards him looking angry and flustered. He sweatdropped and smiled.

'Uhh, hi Link... Sorry I ran off...'

'You're not sorry at all! Now come, the inspector wants a word with you.'

Allen nodded and stood up. As he and Link left the library, he turned to smile at Lavi, who grinned happily and waved.

--

The swimming lessons came first.

A day later, Allen walked down to the pool with Lavi, both wearing t-shirts and board shorts.

When they got to the pool, they put down their towels, and Lavi took off his shirt. Allen couldn't help but stare as he did, but snapped out of it when Link, who had come along not to swim but to watch from the benches on the side, sighed.

'Is it really necessary to do this? We could be getting those papers done right now, which you still need to finish by the way.

'He's spending time with his friend, Spotty-Two.' Lavi grinned, and Allen suddenly felt the redhead's arm slung around his shoulders, making him blush 'Or does that associate him with the Earl too?'

'Lavi...' Allen warned.

'Relax Allen. Anyway, shall we get started?'

The Bookman slapped Allen gently on the back then turned walk to the pool; he slid into the shallow end and waited expectantly. Allen took off his own shirt then followed.

'So, oh great mystical teacher,' Lavi poked his arm playfully, 'How shall my lessons begin?'

'Uh.. Well, do you know the freestyle stroke?'

'I know of it, yes. Can't do it though, can't swim, remember?'

'Ok... I guess I'll start off by showing you how to do it.'

Allen then swam a few meters doing freestyle, and then turned to swim back. After he was done, he stood up straight again.

'Well did you see?'

'Yup... I've got a photographic memory, so I can remember how you look when doing it, but that's not the same as actually knowing how to do it.'

'Ok... Well, just try to do it from memory and I'll help where you need it.'

The redhead nodded, waded down into a slightly deeper area of the pool, and started swimming. Once he got back Allen smiled.

'That was ok, but it was more of a dog paddle then freestyle you gotta move your arms like this...'

For the next hour, Allen helped Lavi perfect the freestyle. By the end of it, he could more or less do it enough to save himself from drowning, and since they were both getting tired, Allen suggested it was enough and they should call it a day.

'Well that was fun,' the redhead grinned as he dried himself off with his towel, 'Thanks for this Allen. Though there still one thing...'

'Hm?' Allen looked up after pulling his shirt on, 'what's that?'

'I think I should learn CPR. You know, in case someone I know is drowning.'

Allen blinked and went bright red.

'U-Uh... You don't know CPR?'

'Hehehe...' he shrugged guiltily, 'Do you?'

'Yes but...'

'Well then what's the problem in showing me?'

Allen swallowed nervously. He couldn't say it was because he secretly loved him! And Lavi wouldn't let him go with no excuse. He sighed.

'Alright, I'll teach you. Get on the ground...'

Lavi grinned and laid down on the tiling. Allen knelt next to him.

'Um, ok... You gotta tilt their head back like that so that the air won't go into their stomach, and...'

Blushing furiously, he leant down and... demonstrated. After a few seconds he sat back up, his face almost as red as Lavi's hair.

'Ok... I-I have to go now...'

Allen hastily got to his feet, grabbed his towel and hurried towards the door. Smiling, Lavi made to follow. As he did he passed Link, who was also following. The inspector narrowed his eyes.

'I've seen your profile, Bookman Junior, and it says you know how to resuscitate quite well.'

'Yeah, so? I never actually said I didn't know how.'

--

After Allen went back to his room to take a shower to wash the smell of pool off, he collapsed onto his bed, his heart beating wildly. However, he felt strangely calm. He'd just kissed the one he loved (Sort of) and had gotten away with it. He sighed, rolled over and hugged his pillow, a big grin on his face. However, he still had reading lessons with Lavi tomorrow, and he hoped Lavi wouldn't bring the topic up as a joke.

--

The next day, Lavi sat next to Allen at the breakfast table as usual. They chatted and joked, annoyed Link, and to the white-haired boy's relief he didn't bring up the subject of CPR.

'Well...' Lavi yawned and pushed back his plate, 'Guess I gotta give you those reading lessons now. Let's go, student!'

He grabbed Allen's wrist pulled him to his feet and hurried towards the door. Link got up to follow, but just as they got to the library, the redhead stopped and snapped his fingers.

'Oh that's right... Spotty-Two! Komui wanted to see you! Something about the ark...'

'Right...' The nineteen-year-old nodded, 'Let's go, Walker.'

'Uh-uh,' Lavi shook his head and held Allen close, making him blush, 'He's mine. You go to Komui; I'll take care of him.'

'But-'

'He says it's urgent! I think he found some kind of weapon or doomsday device! Hurry! I'll watch Allen and make sure he doesn't summon any Akuma!'

Link looked unsurely at Lavi for a moment, his eyes suspicious, the sighed and hurried away. Lavi grinned and took his arms away from Allen, making the boy feel a little disappointed at the lost. Lavi's hug had been warm.

'Komui didn't really call for him,' Allen sighed as he followed Lavi into the library, 'Did he?'

'Nope! I just couldn't stand it if he was looking over our shoulders while I was trying to teach you, it's unnerving. Soon as he gets to Komui, he's gonna have his hands full for a while, he's looking for a new test subject to experiment on...Anyway, go sit down and I'll find us something to write on, and a reading-writing book.'

'Ok... But I can still read simple stuff remember! It's just the more complicated things! I don't need the beginner kindergarten stuff.'

Lavi smiled and nodded. Allen did as he commanded, and a few moments later the redhead reappeared with the mentioned supplies.

'Righty-oh, so what is it you have the most difficulty with?'

Once Allen stated what he needed help with, Lavi set right to work with helping him. He was surprisingly a good teacher, explaining things so they were simple to understand without making you feel like an idiot. Within an hour and a half, Allen pretty much had everything mastered, and they were just going over things so he fully understood them. After a while, he got up.

'I'll be right back, I'm hungry and I'm going to grab a bread roll or something from the kitchen. Want anything?'

'Nah thanks, still full from breakfast.'

'Wow, the human bottomless pit is full? The apocalypse must be coming.'

Allen glared, but it looked more like a pout. Lavi chuckled and ruffled his hair, then left out the door.

Allen turned back to the writing exercises he was doing and started to finish them. He was really enjoying spending time with Lavi like this; he wished their occupations allowed more free time so he could hang out with him more. He smiled to himself, and moved on to the next exercise sheet.

'You misspelt phonetic again.' Lavi suddenly appeared behind him a few moments later, pointing at the word in question.

'Oh! Right...'

Allen hastily rubbed the word out, his face reddening. Lavi was leaning on his back, and he could feel the redhead's breath next to his face.

Then, suddenly, Lavi wrapped his arms around Allen's neck and rested his chin almost casually against the smaller boy's shoulder, looking down at Allen's work. Allen blushed even deeper, feeling his cheek brushing against Lavi's.

'Um... Lavi?'

'Hmn...?'

'Could you... Not be so close?'

'Hm... Nah, I like hugging you. You're small and warm and soft and cute, like a kitten.'

He grinned happily and snuggled his face against the hollow of Allen's neck in shoulder affectionately. Allen cried out in embarrassment and stood up, throwing Lavi off as he did and knocking the bookman to the ground. He leant back against the table, clutching his pounding heart.

'S-Sorry Lavi...' He stuttered as the redhead picked himself up off the ground.

'Tha's ok... But seriously,' Lavi grinned and took a step forward, 'if you have touch issues like that you'll never get a girlfriend Allen...'

'I-I don't want a girlfriend! I mean... It's not... Um...'

Lavi chuckled, and Allen hung his head, at a loss for words, his face heated.

'_Damn Lavi and his lack of sense of personal space... _That hug felt nice though...'

He accidently muttered the last part of the sentence out loud. Lavi heard it and his face spit into a cheeky smile. He took another step closer, standing right up against Allen, making the boy yelp and fall back so he was sitting on the table.

'Aw, you like my hugs..?' He grinned, cupping Allen's cheek in his hand.

'I-I... Uh...I don't think...' he tried to turn his head away so Lavi wasn't touching him, but then Lavi leaned in so close their noses almost touched, and Allen was locked in his green gaze.

'Don't want a girlfriend, huh? What about a boyfriend?'

Allen made a noise in the back of his throat that sounded like a scared mouse, unable to break away from Lavi's eye, that shade of green that would put emeralds to shame. Lavi smiled, and placed his lips on Allen's.

--

**Oneshot end!**

**REVIEW!**


	13. Erase the footage

**Ok I don't own it and never will.**

**This is a what-if thing where Lavi finds out Allen is alive and goes to visit him before leaving for Edo.**

**Apologies for screwing up the dgm timeline, and sorry for the OOC-ness.**

--

Lavi followed the Asian branch man along the corridor. He could hear the man chatting to him, but his words fell on deaf ears. He and Lenalee had found Timcanpy and seen the footage of Allen's supposed death, but then, a few later an Asian branch member turned up and informed them he was alive. Lenalee had not been allowed to come due to injuries, so the redhead, eager to see him, managed to persuade Bookman to let him visit for a little while whilst the others readied for the voyage to Edo.  
Timcanpy had come also, and was fluttering along the corridor ahead of them impatiently, his back-and-fourth movements encouraging them to speed up. Finally, they came to the end of the tunnel. The man, Wong, directed Lavi to a door on their right, and then said something about being needed in the science department before leaving. The redhead pushed the door open and walked into a large cafeteria full of finders and scientists. As he walked, searching almost frantically for the boy he loved, people turned to stare curiously, having not many exorcists visiting the branch, particularly ones with strange golden golems following them.

Just then, Lavi felt something tug at his hair, and he turned to see Timcanpy pointing his tail over at a table almost completely covered with plates and bowls. Lavi took the hint and rushed towards it, and a white head came into view. He was wearing a Chinese-styled hospital shirt with one of the sleeves pinned up to the shoulder, having no arm to fill it.

'Oi! Moyashi-Chan!'

Allen turned away from his food, and the shocked look on his face turned to joy.

'Lavi!'

He stood up as the Bookman reached him. Lavi hastily pulled him into a tight embrace.

'You total idiot...' Lavi smiled, feeling unwelcome tears prick at his eyes. Although it had only been a few days since they'd last seen each other, it felt like years. He wanted to kiss him right then and there, but he couldn't.

Timcanpy fluttered around the two, trying to get noticed. When it was apparent neither of the boys had any intention of pulling away, the golem flew close and bit his razor teeth into Allen's head.

'Ow!' Allen stumbled back and clutched the sore spot. He smiled as the Timcanpy settled on his shoulder and nuzzled his neck. He reached up to pet him.

'Ah, Tim. Sorry I worried you.'

'What about me?' Lavi went doe eyed, 'You worried me too! Where's my apology?'

Allen rolled his eyes, grabbed Lavi's hand and pulled him out into the hall. Lavi wrapped his arms around the smaller boy's waist, pressed him against the wall and pulled him into a passionate kiss. Lavi wanted the kiss to last forever, to make up for the sorrow and hurt and fear he'd felt after watching the footage of his love's death, but soon enough Allen had to pull away for air. Lavi cuddled him against his chest, smelling the wonderfully familiar scent of his hair. He sighed in contentment. He'd thought he'd never get to see Allen again.

'Lavi? You're crying.'

'Sorry...' Lavi let go and wiped his eye, 'Didn't know I was... So are you ok? I mean... Will you be ok?'

'Yeah...' Allen smiled sheepishly and nodded. The two started walking down the corridor, though Lavi didn't know where they were going. The redhead couldn't help but stare at Allen's side, the lack of his left arm slightly disturbing. Allen felt his gaze, and stared at the ground they were walking from. There was a gentle blush on his cheeks.

'Lavi... You don't mind having... Am I less... Attractive to you now that I don't have an arm?'

'What?!' Lavi blinked in surprise, 'Allen of course not! I'd love you even if you had no arms at all...'

'Are you sure? I know there's the chance I can get it back, but there's equally no chance of ever becoming an exorcist again at all...'

Lavi sighed.

'Allen, I don't care what you look like or if you're an exorcist or not. You're alive, aren't you? That's enough for me.'

Allen smiled up at him, and he wrapped an arm around his waist and kissed his forehead. They had reached a kind of underground lake with a sort of balcony. Lavi sat on it and when Allen went to join him he pulled him into his lap. The smaller boy leant his head against the taller's chest. His silver eyes slid shut, savouring the sound of his heartbeat. Timcanpy got off his shoulder and flew about; exploring the lake room they were in.

'We better erase our kiss from Tim before you leave...' Allen sighed, 'If anyone sees it you'll...'

'I know...'

'How are the others?'

'They're fine. Lenalee wanted to come see you but Bookman made her stay. I'm only here for half an hour, so I gotta go soon...'

'Hm..' Allen pouted and put his one around the other, holding him as tightly as he could, 'I know this is going to sound childish but I don't want you to leave.'

'I don't wanna leave you either... But don't worry; you just need to learn to activate your innocence again, and you'll catch up to us in no time.'

He smiled cheerily and started stroking the boy's soft white hair. They sat there, talking and kissing and holding each other, until it was time for the redhead to leave. Allen walked with him to the entrance of the Asian branch and gave him one last kiss and hug. They said their farewells and pretended like they knew for sure they would see each other again, but both of them knew there was a chance Lavi could die in Edo, and that Allen would never activate his Innocence.  
That night, Lavi stared out at the water they were crossing and sighed heavily. Timcanpy had settled o his shoulder, so he reached up, took the golem in his hands and asked him to bring up the hologram of the kiss he and his love had shared. He knew he had to erase this, lest anyone find the footage and learn of their secret, but the possibility of never sharing a moment like that with Allen like that persuaded him not to. He let Timcanpy go, and sighed again.

'I'll erase that footage when Allen returns to me.'

--

**Review!**


	14. Club activities

**Ok, someone said the prompt "School", and another said the prompt "Lemonade." **

**I decided to fuse them. So I created this AU oneshot.**

**Also, no idea how the American school system works, so here is how my school works.**

**Years 7-8: Junior**

**Year 9-10: Middle**

**Year 11-12: senior**

**Don't own this.**

**--**

Allen walked pushed open the heavy metal double doors of the school theatre. On the stage were a few boys one or two years older then him up ladders adjusting the lights or typing away on laptops or adjusting dials in the sound booth. He walked forward, attempting to keep his gaze averted, until he came close to one of the boys, a Japanese teen with long dark hair and a scowl on his face sitting on a seat with a laptop. He gave off an air of great irritation so Allen approached him cautiously.

'Uh, excuse me...?'

'Shut up, I'm trying to finish this.'

'S-Sorry... Can you tell me where the club president is?'

The older teen closed his laptop and looked Allen up and down, considering him like a lion would prey.  
He raised his eyebrow.

'I've never seen you before. What would a junior want with a senior?'

'I'm not a junior!' Allen glared defensively, annoyed at being mistaken for someone so young, 'And I need to talk to the president so tell me where he is already!'

'Che, he's out the back of the stage.'

'Thank you.' He sighed.

He walked up the steps of the stage, crossed to the side and went behind the large black curtains. Ever since he'd come to this all-boy's school a month ago he'd been picked on for looking short and younger then he was. He was fifteen, turning sixteen in a few weeks, but was mistaken for a fourteen or thirteen year old because of his slight figure and shortness, as well as his large eyes and cute face. He switched from contacts to glasses in an attempt to hide his eyes, but it didn't make up for the rest of him.  
Out the back working on another laptop (How many laptops did these guys need?) was a tallish senior with unruly red hair and green eyes. Upon hearing Allen's approach he looked up.

'Hello there.'

'Hi. Are you the technical club's president?'

'Indeed I am,' He stuck out his hand and Allen shook it, 'Lavi Bookman at your service. And what can I do for you?'

'I-I was wondering if you had a vacancy in your club. I already tried the cooking club and the music club but they were full.'

That wasn't entirely true. The music club had been full, but the cooking club hadn't let him in because they didn't believe him when he said he was a middle student, even after he showed them his student ID card. They rejected him, as at this particular school, students below middle years weren't permitted to join school-organised clubs due to the lack of experience with each field.

'Vacancy huh? I dunno, what skills you got?'

'Um, I'm good at computer stuff, and I'm a fast learner for everything else so-'

'Ok!' Lavi grinned broadly, and started typing again. Allen saw him bring up the club page on the screen and go into the members list. Allen sweat dropped. There were only four or five members, compared to most other clubs, which normally had twenty or more. The redhead clicked the link "New Member", and looked up at the shorter teen expectantly.

'Name?'

'Allen Walker.'

'Ok...' _Type type type, '_Year?'

'Year ten.'

'Homeroom Class?'

'Mr Komui.'

With a final click of the mouse button, Lavi closed the laptop, grabbed Allen's arm and pulled him through the curtains, almost causing him to trip. The boy attempted to protest but before he could Lavi grabbed his shoulders and turned him around.

'Ok boys!' Lavi called cheerily, making the other students look around, 'We got a new member! This is Allen, so treat him nicely!'

--

They didn't treat him nicely. In fact, unless Allen was sorely mistaken, they pawned all the work off on him so they could eat or fool around or play computer games. They were supposed to be getting the theatre ready for a school production that was coming up, but the equipment was older then Allen was used to working with, and he had no idea how to operate it. Every time he dropped something when moving it, or screwed up the lighting or sound, he got yelled at by the scowling Japanese boy, Kanda, despite the fact it was his and the rest of the club's fault for neglecting to instruct him. The only person who even tried to help him was Lavi, but he was even worse with the equipment then he was! Practically everything he touched blew up! It really made the white-haired boy wonder what he was doing as the technical club's president.  
In the end Allen politely requested he not help, and he was stuck doing everything by himself again.

'Oi!' Kanda yelled, soon after Lavi had disappeared behind the curtains again, 'Walker! Go hook up a speaker system at the front of the theatre so the people sitting in the last rows can hear!'

'Yes sir...' Allen groaned. He picked up some cords and megaphone-like speaker, grabbed a ladder and made his way up the rows to the back of the seats. He found the nearest electrical outlet, plugged in a cord, placed the ladder against the wall and climbed up it. As he tried to attach the mega-phone to the hook, he cursed his guardian, Marion Cross, for making him join a club. It wasn't Allen's fault the stupid man had gotten a letter from the school!

'Stupid Cross...' He growled under his breath. He placed the megaphone on the hook and plugged it in, but as he did, the speaker emitted a loud ringing screaming sound. Allen yelped in pain, his head right next to it, clamped his hands over his ears and stumbled back. Unfortunately stumbling back wasn't a good idea when you were at the top of the ladder, and he cried out for help as he tipped backwards.  
The ground rushed to meet him and he threw out his hand to break his fall. There was a cracking sound, and a blunt pain shooting up the side of his body he'd landed on.

'SHIT!' One of the boys cried.

'Oi, Lavi! The new kid's dead!'

'What? You idiots! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME HE WAS UP A LADDER BY HIMSELF?! You should have held it steady for him! Allen, are you alright?'

Allen could hear Lavi's voice next to him. He groaned and rolled onto his back. He blinked awake to see the club staring down at him.

'Uh... M-My arm hurts...'

--

After someone called the school nurse, she came and confirmed Allen was fine, apart from spraining his wrist. She bandaged it up for him, and as she left, Lavi turned to the club.

'Ok guys, you gotta stop giving new people hard times... I mean, Allen could've been seriously hurt! We're lucky he's not charging us for attempted manslaughter!'

'Is attempted manslaughter even possible? I mean, manslaughter is killing by accident so how can it be attempt-?'

'Shut up, Daisya.'

Allen sighed. He stuffed up the club on the first day, and in the process he'd obtained an injury and broken his only pair of expensive glasses. He was not looking forward to going home and having to ask for a new pair, as well as explain his sprained wrist. He was aware of Lavi saying something else to the club before the other students went back to working on the stage. The redhead crouched so he was eyelevel with the shorter, and grinned apologetically.

'I'm sorry about all this, it's a club tradition to give the new kid a hard time, though this time they got carried away... Heh. Want me to make them help pay for your glasses?'

'No thanks, I'll just start wearing contacts again I think...'

'Well I think you should,' Lavi chuckled, 'You look cuter without glasses.'

Allen blinked up at him and found himself blushing. Lavi laughed all the more at his expression, and pulled hi to his feet.

'Come on, let's go for a walk.'

Allen nodded, unable to say no as the redhead was already leading him away.

--

They exited from the theatre and walked across the cement in no fixed direction. Lavi smiled.

'So I never asked you, why'd you join up with us if the clubs you wanted rejected you? That seems like making a bad situation worse if you asked me...'

'Cos my guardian who I live with made me. I got in trouble from the school... Well, sort of. I, um... Seem to be a bully target... Anyway, the school told him I needed to learn to socialise better, cos in some twisted way the bullying was my fault... So I was made to join a club.'

'Wow, that must suck. You're new to this school right? Made any friends yet?'

'No...'

'Well you're welcome to sit with me at lunch. Don't worry, I wont let those other guys push you around.'

Allen blushed again and turned his face away indignantly. Lavi chuckled and stopped at the vending machine they'd just arrived at. The redhead pulled some money from his pocket, inserted it into the slot, and pressed the button. The machine made a banging sound, and two cans of lemonade tumbled in to the open compartment. He picked them up and handed one to Allen, who thanked him before opening it and drinking from it. Lavi seemed nice; maybe this school wouldn't be so bad.

--

**Wow that was fail. I'm sorry guys.**

**Review.**


	15. Amnesia can be troublesome

**A quick update to hopefully make up for that absolute fail of a oneshot last chapter.**

**Well, actually, nothing can make up for how bad that was; this is more like me begging for forgiveness.**

**Sorry for OOCness.**

**I don't own this.**

**--**

Lavi looked up from his table in surprise as Kanda stalked into the cafeteria, an air of great irritation surrounding him. The samurai stalked to the ordering window, and while he was waiting for his meal, Allen quickly gobbled up the last of his dessert, got up and went over to the samurai, who was leaning against the stone wall tapping his foot impatiently. The redhead grinned; Kanda was always more fun to annoy when he was pissed off already.

'Hi Yu, why are you back so soon? You and Allen left on a mission to Russia only an hour and a half ago, you couldn't have completed it already... Unless I am underestimating the skills of the great Yu-ChaWAAH!'

Suddenly, Lavi found himself pressed against the stone wall as Kanda grabbed his arm and traded places with him. He felt Mugen's cold metal on the skin of his neck, teasing his Adam's apple. The redhead trembled; most days were a bad day to tease Kanda, but today seemed particularly bad.

'Don't. Call. Me. YU-CHAN!'

'O-Ok, ok!' Lavi swallowed nervously, 'I was just wondering why you were back is all!'

'Che...' the samurai re-sheathed his sword, 'Stupid Beansprout. We were jumping onto the train but he jumped too soon. He got hit in the head really hard and we had to come back. Soon as I eat I'm leaving and going by myself.'

'What?!' Lavi blinked, 'Allen is injured? Is he ok?'

'The hell should I know?'

With that, the Japanese man grabbed his soba and left, and Lavi swore the air got warmer after he did.  
Lavi stared into space for a minute, thinking, and then hastened to leave the dining hall, heading in the direction of the infirmary. Allen got injured a lot, but normally he'd never yield to leaving a mission unfinished because of it, unless it was really bad, or he was unconscious. The Bookman decided to assume both the factors were in effect, as unless the injury was bad Kanda wouldn't have bothered to bring him back, and Allen wouldn't have let him unless he was knocked out.  
Worry created a knot in his stomach, and he shook his head, trying to clear it away. Bookman had already spied his developing feelings for the boy, and had warned him against communicating with him unless it was necessary. But this was necessary right? If the Destroyer of time got injured, wasn't it his job to record it? His feelings for Allen would not sway his judgement.  
Lavi knew if that was really true, however, he wouldn't feel so worried or lovesick.

He came the infirmary and went in. He headed towards the rooms, but as he did, he heard a voice call out to him.

'Lavi!'

Lavi turned to see Lenalee rushing towards him. He smiled at her as the girl stopped in front of him.

'Hey, Lenalee, I heard Allen was in here. Is he alright?'

'Um... Well, depends what you'd call "Alright"...'

'Um, ok...' Lavi sweat dropped, 'Any broken or missing bones? Any impalements?'

'No, none of that... He was hit in the head hard Lavi, VERY hard... He sort of has total amnesia.'

The redhead blinked in surprise.

'What?'

'He doesn't remember us, or anything. He's in his room right now, resting, since there wasn't anything they could actually treat. We aren't sure if he'll get his memory back or not, soooo...'

'Ok.' Lavi nodded, 'I get it. See ya.'

He turned around and went back out the doors. He started to head straight towards Allen room, panic boiling in his chest for some reason. Total Amnesia?! That meant Allen didn't remember him! So it was useless to go visit him in his room.

'It's for the records,' He told himself, 'It's for the records.'

He refused to accept he was in love with Allen, despite the fact it was so obvious, even to himself.

--

He arrived at Allen's door and banged on it.

'Hey Allen! I'm coming in!'

He pushed the door open and entered. Allen was sitting on his bed reading a book, and had a bandage around his head that failed to stop his snowy locks from falling into their usual place around his face.  
He looked up when Lavi entered. The lack of recognition in his silvery-grey eyes upset him, though he fought against the reason why. He pasted on a grin and sat on the edge of the mattress.

'So, I've been told you hit your head and can't remember anything. That true?'

'Um... Yes...' The boy smiled sheepishly, 'S-Sorry... What's your name?'

'I'm Lavi.'

'Oh...' Allen smiled slightly more brightly and put down the book he was reading, 'That's nice.'

'So how are you feeling?' Lavi enquired, concern breaking through his voice.

'I have a headache, but it's only a small one now. Do you mind taking a walk with me? I don't want to get lost.'

'Sure thing.'

The boy smiled gratefully, got off the bed and pulled on his shoes. Lavi stood, waiting for him to zip them up, then went out the door, the boy following him. As they walked down the corridor with no particular destination, a few people smiled and greeted them, mostly finders, some exorcists and scientists. Allen sighed.

'It's a shame I lost my memory, the people here seem very nice... Apart from the arse they brought me here, what was with him?'

Lavi chuckled and ruffled Allen's hair; glad the exorcist still retained his personality. Allen smiled up him, pink dusting his cheeks.

'Um... I found my diary earlier, so I was able to find out about a few people. There were a lot of things written about you.'

'Oh?'

'Yeah... I'm glad I found such a good person to fall in love with.'

Lavi screeched to a halt, unsure if he'd heard him right. Allen stopped too and looked up curiously at him.

'L-Love?'

'Yeah, it's written in practically every page after October this year. Funny, kind, a little on the weird side but in a good way, brave, optimistic, likes to cheer people up, gorgeous red hair, really good looking, and smart. My diary is full of entries like "Oh, today I made Lavi laugh and I never felt happier, to see him smiling because of something I said", or "Lavi said my hair looked nice today I swear my heart was beating so hard I thought I was having a heart attack."

'Re-really...' Lavi swallowed, feeling his face heat up, 'I-I didn't know I was worth writing about...'

'But you are! I'm always describing how you help people, and how you're always contributing to the mission, and saving people... It really takes a good heart to do all those things; I'm not surprised I'm in love with you... Or at least, I was... I'm afraid I can't remember you sorry...But don't worry, I'm sure with time I could fall for you again!'

He smiled in confidence and made a can-do motion with his arm. Lavi could only gape at him. Allen was in love with him? And now he'd got the impression they were a couple?!  
The bookman felt his already-there blush deepen. He was a Bookman; he couldn't love or have a relationship. And he didn't. He didn't love Allen, and he didn't have a relationship with him... And yet, after hearing all that, he wanting nothing more then to push Allen against the wall and kiss him until they both suffocated into each others arms, dying with smiles on their faces.

Lavi's eye widened when he realised he'd just had a romantic fantasy about the boy. He turned away, his face the same shade of crimson as his hair, and buried his face in his hands, trying to think of non-sexy things. It didn't work, however, and now that the image was in his mind, Lavi knew he'd probably never be able to get rid of it.

'Lavi? Are you ok?'

'I-I think I'd better take you back to your room...'

Allen looked a little disappointed that their walk was over, but nodded and followed when Lavi began to quickly retrace their path. Lavi struggled to keep his gaze away from the exorcist, fearful if he'd looked he would be... Well, in deep shit more then he already was. God, if Bookman found out Allen liked Lavi, and that Lavi had fallen head-over-heels in love with him... He was already getting a headache from where the boot would no doubt collide.

'_But__,' _said a tiny voice, '_If you were to date Allen, would that be so bad__?'_

'_Yes,' _he retaliated, _'Yes it would! I can't have a heart, dammit!'_

'_Stop making that excuse, it's really starting to piss me off. You sound like a broken record player!'_

'_Geez, what are you? My inner Yu-Chan?'_

'_No, I'm the part of you that wants to love this boy, the part of you who is human.'_

Lavi rolled his eye. He was not having a conversation with a voice in his head.

'Lavi, we're here.'

The redhead stopped and realised they were outside Allen's room. The boy pushed his door open and turned to smile.

'I really am sorry I can't remember you...'

'That's ok; it's not your fault.' Lavi smiled weakly, trying to ignore the heart hammering against his chest. Allen had a really pretty smile...

Allen's grin brightened considerably. He placed his hands on Lavi's shoulders, stood on his toes and placed a quick kiss on his lips. That did it.

The redhead's mind went blank. He grabbed either side of the boys face and locked him in a kiss, and pushed him into the room and kicked the door closed behind him. Allen cried out as his knees hit the edge of the bed, and Lavi took the opportunity to slide his tongue into the smaller's mouth and gently probe the cavern, mapping it out. He felt Allen attempt to push his tongue out with his own, thought somewhat half-heartedly, and Lavi smiled as it soon turned into shy rubbing. He slid his hands down the boy's neck and pushed down on his shoulders, making him sit, and kneeled between his legs. He then proceeded to brush a finger down the younger's clean, white shirt, applying enough pressure so he could feel the boy's chest through the fabric.

Allen gave a small moan of pleasure and wrapped his arms around Lavi's waist and shoulders, fisting the back of his shirt. They were lying down now, though neither could remember when that had happened. Lavi moved his hand up and rested it gently on Allen's breastbone, pinning him but not crushing him as the rest of his weight was still supported by his knees. With his other hand, he reached up to hold Allen's face more securely, to make their kissing easier.

'_Stop!'_

_'Don't stop!'_

His Bookman self and his human self both screamed at him, telling him his varying opinions on the situation. He wanted to stop, to get up now and run and pretend like this had never happened, but at the same time he wanted to continue, he wanted to see Allen naked and flushed beneath him. He wanted him, and he wanted to be with him.  
In his indecision his human self won out, and as the two teen's kisses became more desperate, the hand that was pinning Allen to the bed moved and began to unbutton his shirt. He felt the boy tense as cold air hit his skin, but he made no move to push Lavi off. The room was starting to get very hot.  
Then, Lavi remembered something he'd completely forgotten in his love-induced attack; Allen had amnesia.

He quickly broke the kiss, jumped off the bed and bolted out the door, terrified of, well, everything. He could hear Allen calling after him, but didn't stop in his sprint. There were so many things wrong with what he'd just done on so many different levels.  
He, a Bookman in training, had almost taken an amnesiac that was under the false impression they were in a relationship to bed. That was practically the same as forcing someone to sleep with. He couldn't believe himself. Yes, he knew he was a flirt and a pervert, but that was just to fill boredom. He'd never gone so far as to kiss someone let alone try to take off their clothes like that.

_'It's because you love him, idiot! The fact that you tried that, then stopped because you didn't want to take advantage of him proves that!'_

'Shut up! I can't!'

His pace slowed to a stop, all his energy spent. He leant his back against the wall, panting, unsure if he'd ever be able to face Allen again. He sunk to the floor and rested his forehead on his knees. He stayed like that for a few minutes before-

'Lavi?'

Lavi looked up to see Allen standing over him looking concerned. His shirt was still unbuttoned.

'I'm sorry.' Lavi sighed. 'I misled you. We aren't in a relationship.'

Allen crouched in front of him so he was eyelevel. He smiled.

'I know.'

'Wh-What?'

'I dunno why but... I got my memory back when I gave you that first kiss. So don't worry about misleading me or whatever, kay?'

Lavi stared in shock. He was relieved, but at the same time, even more depressed. He sighed and stared at his knees. Allen blinked.

'What's wrong?'

'I... I love you Allen... But it's bad that I do... Bookmen... We can't... You know...'

He waited for Allen to say something, or to get up and walk away. But he did neither. He pulled Lavi's torso towards him and hugged him, pressing his head against his shoulder. Lavi's eye widened in surprise. After a moment, the boy pulled back.

'It's not bad, it's wonderful. And as for the whole bookman thing... Well, I've never known you to be obedient to what people tell you, Lavi. When they say left, normally you check the right. So...?'

He smiled expectantly. Lavi stared, unsure of what to do next. He listened to what his voices were saying.

_'Do it, idiot! We aint gonna be young forever!'_

'_It's a Bookman's job to experience things... Perhaps this could be added to the list?'_

Lavi grinned widely and pulled the exorcist in for a passionate kiss. He was still a little unsure about some things, but for now, he agreed with the voices.

--

**There, does this earn your forgiveness?**

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	16. Disease

**I wanted to do something sad.**

**I don't own this.**

_**--**_

_All it took was one Akuma, a little level one. The moment Allen destroyed it with a cross grave, he collapsed from exhaustion, despite having no injuries or and previous battling that week. It took him three hours to wake up, and even after eating he felt unbearably tired. I was extremely worried, and brought him home, where he had blood tests taken. Allen remained cheerful through the entire thing, despite feeling like he hadn't slept in weeks. He also complained of a sharp pain in his arm.  
I sat by my lover's bed, joking and chatting with him, speculating he just had some kind of cold, but when Komui came in with a grim face, my heart froze._

_'I'm so sorry_,' _he took a deep breath_, _'Allen... It's started. Your Innocence is starting to eat you away.'_

_WHAM. It was like getting hit in the face with a brick. I could tell the Chinese man was equally distraught, though was trying to appear professional for Allen's sake. I struggled to speak. My voice was much higher then it normally was, and cracked at places._

'_B-But how?' I stuttered, 'He's o-only sixteen! It normally doesn't start until parasites are in their mid-thirties!'_

'_I know...' Komui sighed and ran his hand through his hair stressfully, 'But... Allen's sync rate is over a hundred and forty percent, when most parasites often aren't past ninety, so it's started quicker because of all the power... I'm so sorry... There's nothing we can do to stop it.'_

_Allen stared at his lap, his eyes hidden beneath his hair. Komui was saying something else, but they fell on deaf ears. I looked at him, wanting to find words that would make this all better, to comfort him, but how could I possibly make this better? Unable to do anything else, I slung an arm around his shoulder. Allen snapped out of his trance and looked up._

'_How long have I got?' The question was so blunt and forward it left both me and the scientist gaping for a minute before continuing._

'_Impossible to say... But I'd say roughly a year, maybe two.'_

'_I see...' Allen took a shuddering breath._

_The rest of the meeting was a blur. Komui had Allen fill out a pile of forms, as well as a will. The white-haired boy was acting eerily calm about it all, but I could tell my Allen was having an internal break-down. A year wasn't long at all. I couldn't understand it. How could Allen be dying that soon? It didn't compute! It was impossible! He too strong for that... And yet it seemed as though that very strength was killing him.  
As we walked back to the room we shared, Allen carrying medication that would dull the pain of his arm and ease his tiredness, it was as though the world had crashed in on us._

_That night, we made love until dawn, as though to forget about this grim news.  
Allen was trying to be brave. He said nothing about it, and smiled as he always did and curled up against my chest as usual, but when his face was out of my sight, I felt tears drip onto my skin, and the slightest sobs rack his body. There was nothing I could say to make it better, so I held him, and cried along with him.  
There was no way I would let him die. He wasn't going to leave me, not after all we'd been through. I was going to find a cure or I'd die along with him_

_When we woke the next morning, he tried to smile and go about his daily business as usual, as if he wasn't slowly dying before our very eyes._

_--_

_Over the next few months, as I searched for something that would cure Allen, to stop him from dying, I and the rest of the order could only watch helplessly as he slowly deteriorated. His skin became pale, he was eating more but at the same time losing so much weight that you could see his bones poking from his skin, and his eyes became sunken and sick. It was heartbreaking, and to make matters worse central commanded that he continue going on missions, and since he was dying, he was going on even more missions then before, hardly giving him a break, as they wanted to "Get as much use out of him as possible". The more he used his innocence the sicker he became, until Komui ran another test on him, and discovered he no longer had a year left, but rather only about six weeks. I was angry, and told Allen to refuse the missions, but he just smiled and said he had to keep Walking._

'_Well how are you going to keep walking if you're dead?!' I snapped and yelled at him one time when we were on a mission in Russia. He just smiled sadly at me. I stood there, staring at him, hurt and frustrated._

'_Lavi, ever since you found out I was dying you've been acting cold and angry. I know you don't want me to die, but is that what you want my last memory of you to be?'_

_He looked up at me from the bed. His silver eyes had faded to a dull gray from his sickness, though he still managed to retain his understanding smile. It broke my heart.  
I sat heavily on the edge of the mattress and stared at my lap, unable to meet his gaze._

'_Allen...' I paused, trying to find the right words, 'I love you, and I want to be strong for you but... The thought of you dying... We'll never see each other again!'_

'_That's not true.' I felt him shift so he was close to me, 'We'll see each other in heaven when it's your time!'_

'_I don't believe in heaven...' I murmured._

'_Do you believe in love?' He leant his head against my arm, looking up at me sheepishly. I answered of course I did and he smiled. 'If love can exist in a world full of sorrow like ours, why can't heaven be real too?'_

_I looked into his eyes and smiled weakly. He still wanted to believe in a good outcome. I placed a gentle kiss on his head, and we lay down on the pillows, with him burying his face in my shirt._

'_I'm scared though...' I heard his voice shake slightly, muffled the cloth, 'I died once before. I didn't cross over, but I felt so alone in that limbo... I don't want to die, but I've got no choice...'_

'_You wont be alone Allen, not ever.'_

_I meant what I said. At this point, I had given up on finding a cure for Allen's sickness. The Innocence was like a cancer spreading its way through his body until it was beyond treatment. If he had stopped using his weapon a few months ago, the process would have slowed, and if he'd had his arm amputated it would have stopped all together, but now it was hopeless even if he did either one. As the boy in my arms fell asleep, I looked at his sickly angelic face and sighed. A world without Allen wasn't worth living in._

_--_

_I carried Allen up to the infirmary. He'd fallen asleep on the train home, and I hadn't been able to wake him since. He had a pulse and heartbeat and was breathing, but the breaths were very shallow and heartbeat was fainter then I'd liked it to be. I was terrified it was getting near the end. They performed more tests, and gave him medication to wake him up, and my fears were confirmed; he only had twelve hours or so. He lay there, sobbing, scared and confused, and I did my best to comfort him, to cheer him up, and he tried to smile, but it came out as a faint grimace. It was getting nearer and nearer to his time, and in turn, to my time. I gave him a quick kiss and grinned half-heartedly at him._

'_I just gotta do something quick, ok? I'll be right back.'_

_Allen nodded and promised he'd be awake when I got back. Amidst his tears he was still trying to be brave, but no one, not even Kanda, who was visiting him with a teary Lenalee, could blame him for the fear and sadness he felt. He was in so much pain because of his arm medication didn't work on it anymore. With one last glance at him, I left the room and crossed to a door in the corner of the infirmary where the poisons and antidotes were kept. I walked along the shelves, searching, until I found a small vial of shimmering gold liquid. I popped the cork, and gazed into it for a moment. My mind made up and with no regrets, I pressed the opening to my lips, tipped my head back, and coughed as the spiciness slid down my throat. It wasn't a poison people outside the order generally knew of, but it was quite powerful, despite being painless. There wasn't an antidote, so there was no turning back, and thinking again of life without Allen, I didn't care one bit._

_Feeling a little grim, I walked back to my love's hospital room. On the way out, I ran into Yu-Chan, who was escorting a hysterically sobbing Lenalee from the room. I smiled at them and gave them each a tight hug. They both looked at me strangely, but didn't question. As I entered the room, Allen opened his eyes and smiled._

'_Lavi...' He murmured to me, weak from his rapidly spreading sickness, 'Can I... Can I die in our room?'_

_The request was strange, but I smiled and nodded and asked the nurses and doctors. At first they didn't like the idea, but when I pointed out that staying there wouldn't stop Allen from dying, they yielded. I half-carried half-led Allen out of the ward and along the hall, towards the stairs, telling jokes and chatting to cheer him up, then I activated my hammer and lifted us up over the balcony right in front of our room. I helped him through the door and we both lay down in bed. It was then I told him I'd taken the poison and his eyes widened in horror._

'_N-no! Lavi! You can't! Go back to the infirmary and-'_

'_There's no antidote,' I calmly told him, 'and I took a certain amount that should have me slip away around the same time as you. I won't be in any pain.'_

_He started crying and curled up against me, sobbing about how he'd caused my death, and I explained with a tired smile it wasn't his fault and that it was fully my choice. I told him how much I loved him and that I wanted to be with him always, even if it meant dying. I held him, stroking his hair, until he was no longer crying. He told me he loved me too, and we shared one last passionate kiss before slipping off to sleep._

_The next morning, we were found dead in each other's arms, smiles on our faces. We watched from above as our friends discovered us and mourned at our funerals, then when all was said and done we took each others hand and walked through the glowing door behind us._

_--_

**(blinks)**

**Shit, did I just write that?**

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	17. Cheesescake

**I DON'T OWN THIS!**

**Oh, and this chapter was thought of cos I love cheesecake. Tis the cake of the gods. Why do tasty things have to be bad for you?**

**--**

Allen opened his eyes and stared up at his ceiling, woken by the sound of his own stomach. He sighed, rolled over and looked at the clock on his bedside. One in the morning.  
He'd only just gotten back from a mission four hours ago, and had been so tired he only wanted sleep, and he didn't want to bother Jerry-san so late at night, so he'd gone to bed without dinner. Now he had to get up to make something himself.

He sat up, yawned, and stretched before getting up and exiting his room. His bare feet made a quiet padding sound on the stone floor as he walk along the corridors towards the stairs. It was summertime, so he was wearing an old t-shirt a size or two too big and some loose cargo pants. No one was up at this hour, so he needn't bother dressing in his usual pants, boots, shirt and vest, and the red ribbon people thought looked "cute." However, even though no one was up, having his left arm uncovered made him feel exposed... Still, it was a relief to be wearing light clothes in the warm hallway, as he hated walking around in winter clothes all day.

He trod down the two flights of stairs and came to the correct floor, and hastened towards the cafeteria, his stomach's complaints getting more and louder. He pushed open on of the giant doors with some difficulty and walked over to the serving window. He opened the door next to it, and now the only thing that blocked his path was the door to the kitchen. However, he paused. There was a beam of light coming from the crack under the door. He pushed it open and discovered Lavi sitting on one of the benches, holding a plate of something. Upon his entry, the redhead looked up, took the fork from his mouth and grinned brightly as he swallowed what ever he'd been eating.

'Ah! Beansprout-Chan! What a coincidence running into you here.'

'Good morning Lavi... And don't call me that.' the fifteen year old glared as he shut the door behind him and came in. His stomach let out another raw as it sensed it was near a fridge, and Lavi chuckled.

'Ah, Allen's infamous appetite strikes again! Well, help yourself; Jerry always keeps hoards of edible leftovers in the fridge.'

Lavi reached with his foot and kicked open the fridge that stood next to the section of bench he was sitting on. Allen smiled and went to look. As he did, he couldn't help but steal a sideways glance at the bookman. His crimson hair had been let out of its usual headband, falling mischievously around his face, more so over the covered eye. The teen was barefoot, much like he was, and was wearing a pale blue button-up pyjama shirt, but rather then pants he was wearing striped boxers.

The exorcist blushed when he realized he was staring at Lavi's underwear and busied himself in the fridge. He was in love with his fellow exorcist, but now was not that time for that. He steeled himself and started pushing things aside, but was unable to find what he was looking for; cheesecake.  
Jerry made really good cheesecake; even better then what Link and Inspector Leverrier could make, and the perfect midnight snack, and the chef always kept several whole ones in the fridge due to popular demand, however to his disappointment he found them to be missing.

'Why so sad?' Lavi enquired, seeing the look on his face. Allen stood up and pouted.

'There's no cheesecake left...'

'Hm,' Lavi shrugged, 'There are ones in the other fridge, but they're ones he made yesterday and are still setting. But you could share the one I got.'

Allen realized the plate in Lavi's lap contained the delicious cake, and beside him was a cake tin that was a little less then half-eaten. Allen raised his eyebrow up at the older teen.

'Lavi, you weren't going to eat all that by yourself were you?'

'Mayyybeee...' The redhead smiled innocently, tilting his head.

'What? You'll be sick!'

'So?' he shrugged as Allen sat on the bench next to him, 'I'm a growing boy! I need food!'

'You're eighteen, how much more growing can you do?'

'For your information,' he said defensively, 'I've grown almost an inch and a half in the four weeks. I'm just one of those people who have late growth spurts... Like you, apparently.'

Allen glared, and was about to retort back angrily at the latest short comment, but as he opened his mouth, Lavi scooped up cheesecake on his fork and stuck the fork in the boy's mouth. He blinked confusedly, and Lavi laughed and ruffled his hair with his free hand. Allen swallowed the cake, and Lavi took his fork away, and began eating with it. The boy stared, and looked at his lap, blushing. Not only had Lavi just fed him, but they'd shared what Lenalee would call an indirect kiss, due to the bookman using his fork to feed the shorter. He wasn't one to think about that type of thing, but he was hungry and sleepy, and he had loved Lavi for almost six months now, so he was a little out of character. He reached down and opened the cutlery draw and pulled out a fork, and began eating from the cake tin Lavi was sharing with him.

'So how did that mission go?' Lavi asked between mouthfuls, 'You went to bed before I found out you'd gotten back.'

'It was ok. We got the innocence, but on the way back Krory got swindled out of his exorcist coat again and we had to spend four hours trying to find the guy who did it, so we missed our train.'

'Ah, so that's why you got back so late...' Lavi nodded absentmindedly. His emerald eye darted up and down Allen, taking his view in, and Allen felt embarrassed to be looked at so intently, but before he could ask Lavi to stop it, the redhead put down his fork, reached forward and lifted up one side of the boy's shirt a little. There was a cotton patch hospital-taped to his side, hiding a long gash from below his armpit to his hip he'd acquired in the fight for the innocence. Allen blushed and hastily pushed his shirt down.

'Injured again, huh?'

'Yes...' the exorcist nodded guiltily. 'How'd you know?'

'You were moving tenderly on that side. You get injured a lot, huh?'

'Well, yes...' Allen smiled apologetically, 'There was a lot of Akuma so...'

He trailed off, and they resumed eating in a somewhat awkward silence. Allen was eating slowly so Lavi could get the same amount as he did, but really he just wanted to linger so he could spend more time with him. At last, the redhead broke the silence.

'Allen, your eye lets you see suffering souls of Akuma, I know that, and that's why you always put yourself out on a limb, putting others and the souls before your own safety but... Well, if you die because of that, it won't help the Akuma in any way.'

Allen looked up in surprise, and Lavi continued, not meeting his silver gaze.

'And if you die not only will there be one less person who can help stop their suffering, but also... Lots of people who love you will be upset that you cared more about Akuma then your life. I think... I think you should be a lot more careful, and try to hold back on the reckless saving thing you have going on.'

Allen stared, having never heard Lavi talk like this. It was a moment before he was able to go on.

'Lavi... I not only see the suffering... I can feel it too. Even if I use to my eye to let you see Akuma, like I did when we met Krory, you still didn't feel it, so it's not as simple as being careful and holding back. It may seem selfish of me, but I have to save them not only for their sake, but to ease the pain in my heart. The only way to do that is to destroy them quickly and as many as I can. I made my father into an Akuma, and that is my punishment.'

'But can't you ease the pain in a different way other then almost getting killed?' Lavi grasped Allen's hand in his and looked into his eyes, 'Like... Heartburn medication? Maybe that pain is just heartburn! You certainly eat enough for it to be a constant thing!'

Allen blinked, and laughed. Lavi smiled and took his hand away.

'Lavi, I WISH it was just heartburn, but it's more my emotional heart rather then my physical heart...'

'Hm..' Lavi sighed and leant against the wall behind them, 'I only just got my emotional heart back, so I guess I haven't quite grasped all that yet... But I'll tell you when I felt definite emotional pain? When that Noah killed you... And I really don't want to have to feel that ever again, so you'll understand if I request that you stay alive from now on.'

'I'll try my best...'

'Nope, none of that "try" crap.' Lavi sat forward again and tapped Allen's nose, 'You WILL do your best. So, for the sake of my new emotional heart as well as everyone else's, do you promise that you'll at least take care of yourself better and not risk your life so reck-less-ly?'

He tapped his nose again three times in time to the last three syllables of the sentence. Allen smiled and nodded, his cheeks pink.

'Good, now eat your cake.'

He stuck the fork in Allen's mouth again. Allen pouted as he swallowed and Lavi chuckled.

'You know, I _can_ feed myself, Lavi.'

'I know, but you're so cute I can't help it. Ooh, I remember when I was sixteen I tried to feed cake to Yu-Chan, ah, I couldn't use my hand for almost two weeks...'

He laughed at the memory. Allen smiled, and yawned widely.

'Tired?' Lavi turned to look at him.

'Yeah... I think I'll go to bed now.'

'Full after only half a giant cheesecake? Really Allen, you'll make a guy worry...'

'I'm not full, but I ate enough so I don't have a stomach ache, so I'll fill up again at breakfast.'

'Huh… Well, I'm actually going on a mission tomorrow, so I'm afraid I won't be seeing you for a couple weeks.'

'Oh..' Allen blinked; disappointed he'd have to go so long without talking to him. Lavi suddenly hopped off the bench, took the empty caketin and went over to put it in the sink. Allen got down too, and the redhead turned to him, smiling.

'Well, g'night Allen, take care of yourself.'

'Yeah...' The white-haired boy nodded as they walked to the door. 'I will if you will too.'

'Hm...' Lavi stopped and turned again. Allen looked up at him curiously, noticing he had indeed grown a fair bit. He blushed when Lavi put his hands on his shoulders.

'I meant what I said, Allen. Lots of people will be sad if you die, and I would be too. To die because of that reason would be such a waste. Try to heal that pain in your heart with something that won't hurt you.'

'Like what?'

Suddenly, Lavi closed the space between them and locked him in a kiss, tilting his head just so. Allen blushed brightly and his eyes widened in shock. After a moment, Lavi pulled away, also blushing and smiling nervously.

'Just find something that will keep you safe and make you happy. Good night, Beansprout-Chan.'

He brushed past the boy and exited the kitchen. Allen was frozen in place, staring at the spot Lavi had occupied. When he managed to regain his senses, he ran after him.

'Wait!'

Lavi, who was almost to the hallway, stopped and turned. Allen came to a stop in front of him, red-faced but determined.

'I... I'll stay safe for you... And I won't be so reckless...'

Lavi smiled brightly, and caught him up in a tight embrace.

'Glad to hear it.'

--

**Aw. Sorry for OOC-ness.**

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	18. Why'd you ask me to dance?

**Don't own it.**

**--**

Allen walked slowly across the ballroom floor, his steel-toed boots making an echoing sound with each foot step. After only an hour, the remains of the party had been cleared away, the party that celebrated Allen becoming a General. People had patted him on he back and chatted to him, and invited him to have a drink with various groups of people, gently teasing him when he stated he didn't like alcohol.

He'd been served the best food he'd ever tasted as well as top quality French wine which he once again had to turn down, and was given a new coat, similar to his old one but more grand in design and lined with gold trim instead of white.

People kept saying how he'd changed and how he was going places, and he was given much more respect by the finders, and girls he'd never met aside from Lou Fa and Lenalee had come up and shyly asked to dance with him. He'd smiled through it all, but he felt a little down.  
People were treating him differently, even though he didn't feel different at all. While they saw Allen Walker, the New General with a sync rate of one hundred and thirty percent, when he looked in the mirror he still saw Allen Walker, the skinny awkward exorcist of sixteen with funny coloured hair.

He didn't understand it much, but that was ok. He would have fun at the party, thinking of it as simply as morale lifter instead of a celebration for him gaining rank.

Now, however, the floor was empty, and everyone had gone to bed. He hadn't been able to sleep, so he'd come down for a walk. The ball room was empty; it was as though he'd never become a general. Allen thought it would be all dream if it weren't for the black and gold coat hanging in his wardrobe in his room. He sighed and smiled.

'What's up Allen?'

Allen looked up to see Lavi sitting at one of the tables lining the walls, a book in hand, even though there was no sufficient light in the room. Upon closer inspection Allen realised the book was Braille. He smiled. When Lavi said one day he had to learn to read all languages, he really meant all languages. The white-haired boy walked to sit in the chair next to him.

'Nothing, just taking a walk... How come you didn't go to the party?' Allen looked up enquiringly at the older by. Lavi blinked.

'There was a party?'

'Yeah, cos I was made a General.'

'... You were made a General?'

'Lavi!' Allen rolled his eyes and hit him on the shoulder playfully, a small smile on his face. The redhead chuckled and ruffled his snow-coloured hair.

'Just kiddin'... I wasn't at the party cos I had work to do. I'm in here now cos the rooms next to mine have tenants who are still awake, and they're drunk and loud, so I couldn't concentrate...'

'Hm...' Allen nodded absent-mindedly. Lavi continued.

'So I was talking to Lenalee a little while ago. She said you danced with everyone who asked you. Find anyone you like?'

'Huh?' Allen blushed and shook his head, 'No... I only danced cos it would be rude to turn them down...'

'Then will you maybe dance with me?'

The question was so sudden and casual Allen was left temporarily speechless. Lavi smiled at the surprised expression on his face and gently shook his shoulder to wake him up.

'Well? I asked, and it would be rude to turn me down.'

'B-But...' Allen stuttered nervously, a definite blush igniting his cheeks, 'That's...'

'Or because I'm now low ranking compared to you I'm now no longer worthy of dancing with the great General Walker?'

'Of course not.' Allen huffed in annoyance, 'And don't call me General Walker. Respectful terms don't sound right coming from you, particularly when they're directed at me.'

'I'll take that as a compliment.'

Lavi grinned and grabbed Allen's hand to pull him to his feet. He half-dragged, half-led him to the middle of the floor, where he took Allen's right hand and placed it on the taller's shoulder, placing his left hand on the boy's hip. He held Allen's own left hand in his right.

'There's no music.' Allen was trying to find an excuse not to dance.

'So? You know the tune of a waltz, right? We can hear the music in our heads.'

'Why do I have to be the girl?'

'You're shorter then me.'

Allen pouted, making Lavi's smile widen. The boy sighed and closed his eyes. It wasn't that he minded dancing with Lavi; it was that it made him feel jittery and nervous. He supposed he could just tell him he didn't want to dance, but he doubted Lavi would let him go that easily. He sighed as Lavi counted down for the cue to start, and imagined the song playing in his head.

Allen wasn't actually all that knowledgeable about dances, and thankfully neither was the redhead he was dancing with, so they just started a simple slow dance, forward, back, going in a gentle meandering circle with Lavi leading. Lavi stared at his feet in concentration so he wouldn't trip, and also so he didn't have to look at the Bookman in training. He was actually enjoying this and if Lavi figured that out he'd never hear the end of it.  
He couldn't help but smile a little at the warm feeling in his heart. He heard the Bookman sigh, and couldn't help but glance up. For a second, their eyes met, and Allen hastily looked at his feet again, blushing.

'Something the matter, Allen?'

'No...' Allen shook his head as they danced, 'Um... Lavi? People keep telling me how different I seem now that I'm a General. Have I changed? Cos I don't feel like I have.'

'Well, you've changed... But at the same you haven't, if that makes sense. I dunno how to explain it, but you seem like a whole new person, but at the same time you aren't any different from the first time I met you.'

'That doesn't make any sense at all.' Allen looked up again, and once again their eyes met. However the look in Lavi's green eye was a deep longing that he'd never seen before, and he was unable to look away. He swallowed nervously, hoping it was too dark for Lavi to see the pink on his cheeks.

'Lavi, why'd you ask me to dance?'

They stopped. Lavi suddenly looked serious.

'Because you're a General. Soon you're gonna be sent out to all corners of the globe with Innocence trying to find compatible users, and I'll be stuck here with Bookman wondering at all hours of the day how you are and if you're ok. I asked you to dance cos this is probably the last chance I'll get to tell you in private.'

'Tell me what?'

'That I like you.'

Allen stared, at a loss for words yet again. Lavi suddenly leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on the younger's slightly parted lips, lingering for a second longer then necessary before pulling away.

'I...' Allen blinked up at him, 'You... When...?'

'I always liked you ever since I first saw you,' he explained, 'though you never seem to notice no matter what I did or said. I was too nervous to just say how I felt.'

'I can't imagine you EVER being too nervous to say how you felt Lavi.' Allen managed a weak smile. Lavi chuckled at the joke and pulled back to let go, but Allen grabbed his sleeve and kept him from turning away. Nervous as hell, he stood on his toes and returned the kiss Lavi had given him, the redhead grabbing either side of the younger's face in surprise as it was included with interest.

'Um... I think I might like you too...' Allen smiled in embarrassment as he stood back, 'S-So maybe... We could keep dancing for a little while longer?'

Lavi didn't answer, but smiled and they resumed the position to dance. The mental tune started to play, and they resumed the gentle pace, but as they did, Allen wrapped his arms around the taller and leaned his head against his chest, resulting in similar reactions from Lavi. Soon, the dance was forgotten and the tune ceased, with them simple standing in the middle of the ballroom floor, holding each other tightly.

--

**Hm, didn't like that very much.**

**REVIEW!**


	19. Hiccups

**I was brushing my teeth when I came up with this. I know, weird since that and hiccupping have nothing to do with each other.**

**This is justa crack chapter I felt like doing so no flames for the lack of yaoi and fluff. You know who you are.**

**I don't own this.**

**--**

'Oooooohhhhhh Allen-Kuuuun...'

Allen froze at the sound of Komui's voice. He'd been walking towards his room after having dinner, and when Komui came out of the shadows talking like that it was never good. He swallowed nervously, plastered a polite smile on his face and turned to the man behind him. He was holding a jar of some kind.

'Hello Komui... Wh-what's that?' he pointed to the jar, knowing it was some kind of crazy experiment despite its harmless appearance. As if on cue Komui's face split into an excited grin.

'This? This is a powerful new anti-Akuma potion! It renders them distracted and unable to o things without flaw. However it is untested, and guess what Allen? You get to be the lucky devil who tests it!'

'What? No, uh...' Allen took a step back, hands held up defensively, 'I have something to do!'

'Like what?'

'Um-'

Komui suddenly pounced and pinned Allen to the ground. Allen yelped and tried to struggle free, but then Komui twisted the cap off the jar, wrenched Allen's jaw open and poured in a watery liquid that stung his throat. He coughed and spluttered and tried to spit it out, but Komui unceremoniously held his jaw shut again and he had no choice but to swallow. The man smiled and got off the boy, pulling him to his feet as he did.

'Well?' he said excitedly, 'You feel any different? Disoriented? Dizzy? Dying maybe?'

'D-D-Dying?!'

'Oh don't worry,' Komui gave a small wave of his hand, 'I am ninety-eight percent positive that that stuff won't kill a human.'

'What about the other two percent?'

'Well you know what they say,' the Chinese man chuckled nervously, 'Nothing ventured nothing gained...'

Allen glared, annoyed, but sighed.

'I feel fine.'

'Oh really?'

'Don't sound so disappoint-!'

Suddenly, Allen hiccupped. He blinked in surprise, wondering why he had done so, but after a second he hiccupped again. And again. And again. He clamped his hands to his mouth, trying to stop it, but the sensation of the muscle beneath his lungs contracting was so great he felt like it was being ripped out of him.

'Interesting...' Komui was writing on a clipboard he had produced out of no-where, 'So it produces hiccups... That could be used to our advantage.'

'Please-_hic_-stop it.' Allen gasped, his chest aching somewhat. He always hated hiccups.

'I'm afraid I can't, I've got to keep working on this! Don't worry; hiccups usually go away on their own... Though I've heard of some cases where the subject is hiccupping for years... Anyway, I'll see you later Allen!'

The crazy scientist then hurried off down the hall towards the science labs. Allen tried to call out to him to stop, but all that came out was another hiccup.

'_Great...'_

--

When Allen went to bed he was still hiccupping, and he lay awake for hours before he fell asleep. He woke up again at dawn to find he was hiccupping still. He let out an exasperated sigh, pulled on his clothes and rushed out of his room, and stared to hurry towards the science department. He ran down the stairs and crossed the various hallways and corridors, but as he arrived at the big double doorway he stopped. He could hear Reever shouting angrily inside, and the crack under the doors was smoking. He stood there hiccupping, wondering if it was a good idea to enter, but suddenly one of the doors was thrown open. Lavi hastily slammed the door behind him and leant against it, clutching his chest and panting. His face was dusted with soot, as was his clothing. After he regained his breath, he noticed Allen and grinned.

'You do NOT wanna go in there right now... Komui... Let's just say he was never taught not to play with fire... And various explosives...They have it handled though.'

Allen nodded and hiccupped again. Lavi's grin widened.

'Hot hiccups eh? Eat to fast?'

'No-_hic-_Komui gave me a-_hic-_ potion that caused it and now it-_hic_- won't stop.'

'Ah, I see,' the redhead nodded, 'have you tried drinking water and then holding your breath?'

Allen nodded; last night he must have drank more then two litres, and had held his breath so long he almost fainted.

'Do you know-_hic_-how to get rid oh it? I'm-_hic_- afraid if I ask Komui to help he'll-_hic_- make it worse.'

'I know a few ways...' Lavi nodded, 'I suppose we- KANDA IN A BIKINI!'

Allen blinked in surprise at Lavi's sudden outburst.

'Pardon?'

'Damn,' Lavi punched his palm, 'I thought that would scare you.'

'Why-_hic-'_

Scaring people sometimes makes it go away, but from the look on your face all I did was gross you- CROSS WEARING A BIKINI! MAKING OUT WITH KANDA!'

Allen recoiled at the metal image. It made him scared, but his hiccups still came. Lavi hummed thoughtfully, then grabbed Allen's hand and started leading him away.

'Come on, I'll take you to my room. There are two other ways that I know of.'

Allen nodded and held his hand over his mouth as a particularly loud hiccup escaped him.

--

Lavi's room was a total mess, an absolute jungle of newspapers and books, but he didn't bother commenting. The redhead led the boy over to a clear space on the floor near the wall. He reached for a jug of water on his bedside table and filled a glass with the liquid.

'Ok, stand on your head. One cure I know of is to drink water upside down.'

Allen felt that was a little strange, but shrugged it off and obeyed, almost falling as the involuntary thrusting of his lungs caused him to lose some of his normally-perfect balance that he had gained in his morning workouts. Lavi, seeing he struggle, grabbed his legs and held them against the wall, then once Allen was in a stable position, he crouched in front of him and held the glass of water to his lips and tilted it.

Allen attempted to drink, but it was difficult since water was meant to go down and not up, but managed a fair bit. Then, he suddenly hiccupped again, and he accidently spat the water out, lost his balance and with a cry from both of them he fell forward onto the crouching redhead with a thump in a table of limbs.

'Sorry-_hic-_ Lavi...'

'That's ok...' Lavi stood up and dusted himself off. He helped Allen to his feet.

'Well, there's one last cure I know of; I need to shock you. But the Kanda/Cross bikini thing didn't work enough so we need something even more shocking...Hm... Yeah! That could work! Hm, but...'

'Just do whatever-_Hic-_You think will work! I'm-_hic-_desperate!'

Lavi hesitated for a moment, then nodded and grinned. He grabbed either side of the exorcist's face, and pressed his lips against the shorter's. Allen's eyes widened and he blushed bright pink as Lavi pulled back; he had not expected that at all.

'Well?'

'Well...?' Allen gaped stupidly. Lavi cried out joyfully and hugged him.

'Yay! Your hiccups are gone!'

'Y-Yeah...' Allen blinked, hardly registering anything he'd said as the bookman in training released him. 'Well... I gotta go have breakfast now...'

'Ok, I'll see you down there soon.'

Allen nodded and walked to the door. However, just as he turned the doorknob Lavi spoke again.

'Oh, and Allen?' the boy turned to see him smiling slyly, 'You ever need another one of those cures you can count on me.'

'Yeah, thanks Lavi...' He felt his blush increase as he left.  
As he walked down to the cafeteria he wondered how well he'd be able to fake hiccupping.

--

**FAIL**

**Review, but please be gentle on me. I know it's bad. I suck at this.**


	20. Is it ok to sleep naked?

**I don't own this.**

**I got inspired by this cos it's only September but it's already hotter then the middle of December!**

**That combined with my fangirl mind I came up with this.**

**--**

Was it ok to sleep naked?

That question was imprinted in Allen's mind as he lay sprawled on his bed, sweating. It was boiling hot that night, despite it only being the start of spring. He'd kicked all the blankets and upper sheet off the foot of the bed, changed into hi summer pyjamas, and had even opened the window as far as it would go, but the fact of the matter remained it was the same temperature outside as it was inside, and that temperature was horribly hot.

He was extremely tired, and didn't feel like getting up to fetch an electric fan from the supply basement on the bottom floor, so as a fleeting thought, he wondered about stripping off and sleeping like that. Now that he'd considered it, however, he couldn't stop thinking about it.  
He was quite a conservative and modest boy when it came to things like nudity; he couldn't even stand using the showers while there were other men in there and had to wait until everyone had left. He couldn't even stand taking off his shirt in public, and though most people just put that down to him being ashamed of his arm he really was embarrassed about showing skin, as many teens his age were. He didn't understand how people like Lavi or Kanda could meet in the showers and have a full blown argument/ teasing session without even noticing the other was naked, as said redhead once told him.

However, this was his room, the door was closed, and no one could see him naked, and it wasn't like he was doing anything weird, so what could be the harm in it?

He got up and went to the window and looked out to check if anyone was out there and would look in on him. He felt stupid and paranoid when he remembered he was around fifteen floors up. He sighed, and started to undo the buttons on his pyjama shirt, and shivered as slightly cooler air hit his chest. He quickly shed his pants and boxers, then hopped back onto his bed, and reached over the foot of it to grab his sheet. Although it was quite hot, it was a good deal cooler without any clothes on, and the light sheet being spread over him created a comfortable temperature. He snuggled contently against the pillow and closed his eyes.

--

Lavi yawned widely as he trudged back to his room, hot and tired. He'd just gone all the way to the basement to get an electric fan, only to find there was none left. Tomorrow he was going to tell Komui to order more fans, but tonight, he just had to make sure he didn't turn into dehydrated dust. He pushed open his door, collapsed on his bed, reached for the jug of water he kept on his bedside table and emptied it over his head. He glared in annoyance; it was so hot tonight the water was warm.

He sighed, got up and went back out into the hall, soaking wet, and started knocking on doors, asking if anyone had a spare fan, but he just got sworn and yelled at for disturbing them so late.

'_Heh...' _he grinned nervously and sweatdropped as he continued down the hallway, '_why does heat always make people so cranky? I better not go ask Yu-Chan, he might not even give me a chance to speak before I find myself missing a head...'_

He looked around to see where he was and to his joy he found himself standing outside of Allen's room. Allen was too nice and polite to snap at him, the cursed boy might not have a spare fan, but if he did have his own fan he might be nice enough to let Lavi stay the night and share it.  
He stepped forward, turned the door knob and threw open the door.

'Hey Allen! Do you...'

He blinked and stared. Allen was asleep on the bed, and he was naked. The sheet that must have once covered him had slipped down to his knees, and his left arm was bent in an L shape above his head, his right hanging off the mattress.

He swallowed nervously as a blush crept across his face,

'_Look away dammit! Look away!'_

His mind screamed loudly for him to turn away but he couldn't stop staring. He'd never seen Allen completely shirtless before, let alone naked, and... Well... He looked good. His skin was pale and smooth looking, he was lithe and the slight curves of his slim body were perfect. It was like walking in on a nude angel, with the sleepily serene look Allen wore on his face.

Just then, Allen murmured something in his sleep and rolled onto his side, his brow furrowing slightly as though thoughtful. Lavi knew he should have bolted then, but he'd been mesmerised by the movement and was absolutely glued to the spot even more then he was a few seconds ago. Suddenly, Allen's eyes snapped open and he sat up, blinking at Lavi in surprise.

'Uh...!' Allen looked down and realised he was naked. He went bright red, and Lavi took a step back, attempting to smile innocently.

'Hi, Allen! Do you have an electric fan I could borrow?'

'GET OUT!!' Allen yelled in embarrassment and anger as Lavi yelped and had to dive out of the way of a sudden cross grave, 'GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!'

'I'M OUT I'M OUT!' Lavi cried as he bolted out the door and slammed it shut, panting heavily. He ran full sprint back to his room and didn't slow until he reached his bed. He lay down, mind and heart racing, and not just because if the running.

Allen was gorgeous. Lavi had always thought Allen was fairly good looking, and both his appearance and his personality had always been a source of attraction to the Bookman in training, but he'd been attracted to hundreds of people before, so he hadn't really thought much of it. He'd also seen many people naked in places like public showers and onsens (and once, a nudist camp, but now didn't seem like the time to be thinking about that), and yes he'd teased and flirted is someone was good looking, like he'd done to Kanda so many times, but he'd never seen a naked person and had that reaction before. He'd been... Embarrassed... To be looking at something as gorgeous as Allen in the nude.

He groaned in agony and pressed his palm to his eye.

'Gah... I'm such a stinking pervert... Only after I see Allen naked do I realise I like him! This isn't going to end well...'

--

Allen hastily pulled up his pants and reached for his shirt. He didn't care that tonight was hot and was going to cook him alive. No way after Lavi had walked in on him was he going to try sleeping naked ever again... At least, not until he got Komui to install a lock on his door. He sighed heavily and ran his hand through his hair, wiping the sweat from his forehead as he did, and sat on his mattress but didn't lay down. He's always had a crush on Lavi, and him seeing him naked was almost too much embarrassment for him to handle. Come tomorrow the redhead would no doubt sit next to him at breakfast, sling his arm around his thin shoulders and start proclaiming at the top of his voice that he'd seen Allen Walker naked and then start pointing out exactly _what _he'd seen in however long he'd been standing there watching him.

'_Why was he even watching me?' _Allen blushed and stared at his lap, '_Doesn't he know I could have him arrested for that kind of stuff? No wonder Kanda calls him a perverted bunny rabbit, I had no idea he was into such perverse things! Watching people while they sleep naked...'_

There was a knock at the door, and Allen grudgingly got up to answer it. Sure enough, there was the perverted bunny.

'Um... Hi Allen...' Lavi swallowed nervously as Allen narrowed his eyes suspiciously, 'I know you probably don't wanna see me right now but can I come in?'

'...Fine.' Allen said finally. He moved aside so Lavi could enter. He shut the door, switched on the light and turned to face the redhead.

'I'm really sorry 'bout before...' Lavi scratched his head nervously, 'Uh... I was just seeing if you had a spare fan, cos it's so hot tonight... Um... I didn't know you slept naked...'

'I don't,' Allen folded his arms, face reddening, 'Like you said, it was hot tonight. It was a one-time thing. Couldn't you have just left once you saw me rather then staring like an obsessed stalker?'

'Weeelll... I tried, but you know... Frozen in shock and such.'

'Huh...' Allen stared at his feet, 'Didn't think I looked that bad...'

'No! I thought you looked really good!'

Allen looked up with wide eyes and Lavi blanched. 'Ah... Wait that came out wrong...'

'It's ok Lavi, apology accepted.' Allen smiled. Lavi sighed in relief, and the younger exorcist suddenly yawned.

'K, Lavi, if that's all I'd like to go to bed now-'

'Will you go out with me?'

Allen blinked in shock, searching Lavi's face for a sign he was kidding. He had to be kidding, right? It was exactly the kind of thing he'd joke about under these circumstances...  
However there were no jokes in Lavi's expression, only nervousness and seriousness, and... Was he blushing?

'I... I...' Allen stuttered, feeling his own cheeks go red as he struggled to make his voice work.

'I understand if you say no,' Lavi smiled, though somewhat sadly, 'I mean... Only realising I like you after I've seen you completely starkers... Even_** I**_ think that's perverted.'

'I-I dunno Lavi...' Allen averted his gaze and nervously scratched his nose, 'I mean... Asking me out after that...'

Lavi didn't answer; he merely put on a thoughtful face that Allen didn't like the look of. Suddenly, Lavi tore off his own pyjama shirt, and before Allen could stop him, unzipped his trousers and threw his clothes on the floor. Allen was now staring at Lavi naked.

'There.' Lavi gulped, 'You've seen me naked too as payback. Now will you go out with me? Please?'

Allen only stared in amazement.

'I never knew...'

'What?!' Lavi panicked and looked down at his body to search what Allen meant, 'Never knew what?!'

'Just joking...' Allen grinned evilly and turned away, 'Now put your clothes back on, ok? This is really weird...'

Lavi blushed again and obeyed. If Bookman found out what he was doing there's no telling what the old man would do, but ever since he'd almost killed Allen in the ark he hadn't cared much about the rules of his clan and all that No-heart crap, cos that's what he realised what it was; crap. He liked having a heart, he liked having friends, and he really really really liked Allen, so screw all that.

He tugged on his shirt, zipped up his pants ran his hand through his hair stressfully. It was really hot in Allen's room, and Lavi's red face didn't help cool him down. Hearing the bookman finish dressing Allen turned again, this time a sheepish smile on his face. Lavi asked again.

'So will you go on a date with me?'

'Ok...' Allen nodded, 'But please... Don't strip in front of me. It's embarrassing.'

Lavi did an impression of Allen pouting in annoyance. He'd always been proud of the way he looked, and he had a bit of an ego, so it was a little offensive Allen wasn't begging him to do a strip tease at this point. Still, he smiled, said goodnight to the white-haired boy and left. He'd organise their date tomorrow.

--

**Wow, that was a pile of perverted crap, wasn't it?**


	21. Suicide

**Oneshot dedicated to shadows.salvation. I said I'd write her something angsty and here it is.**

**I don't own this.**

**--**

Lavi had tried to kill himself no less then six times in his life.  
Well, not really "Try." More like, had accidently-on-purpose gotten himself into the situation in which would result in death. The first time had been when he was thirteen.

He'd been standing the railings of a bridge at night, when no one was around. He'd been thinking about how his parents had been shot to death in front of him when he was eight, and had suddenly got the urge to climb up there. He'd stood right on the edge, eyes closed, arms out-stretched, waiting for the wind to knock him off into the violent rapids below, but it had never happened. Before long he got cold, and he'd climbed down and had gone back to the hotel he and Bookman were staying in.

'I tried to kill myself.' He said bluntly to the man.

'Baka,' his master hit him over the head, 'You're a Bookman. You're job is to stay alive to record. Don't try anything so stupid again.'

'Ok, Panda.'

But he had. A few months later, he and Bookman had visited a war-zone, and had been forced to pass over a mine-field. The old man had walked in front with a map stating where the mines were, avoiding them carefully, but Lavi paid no heed to his instructions on where to step. Somehow, however, he had made it across without stepping on a single land mine. It was revealed later that the land mine they had crossed was fake, in order to keep out the enemy. To his confusion he'd felt a little disappointed that he hadn't been blown to bits.

This time he didn't tell Panda. It didn't matter how he felt, so long as he was alive to record.

The third time he tried to kill himself, he'd just gotten his innocence and joined the order. He'd been on a mission with Kanda, and was in the middle of a fight, facing off hoards of Akuma and struggling to hit all of them without being hit by a bullet. Then, all of a sudden, after fending off one group, he simply lowered his weapon. The Akuma still left swarmed and aimed their guns at him, and Lavi made no move to block it. However, as the guns were fired, he found himself pushed out of the way by the samurai who was on the mission with him.

'Are you fucking crazy?!' Kanda punched him after he had sliced through the demons, 'Pay attention next time!'

'I will...' Lavi nodded and smiled cheerfully, 'I'm sorry.'

'Che, if you were really sorry you wouldn't have done it in the first place, baka.'

Kanda had been right; he hadn't been sorry. He decided he wouldn't kill himself by letting Akuma do it, because that meant Akuma would survive. He had two jobs now, Bookman and exorcist, though he was constantly being reminded his job as Bookman junior came first. He was not allowed to care for these "temporary comrades", the samurai who had saved him on his first mission, the girl and the scientists who were so nice to him and laughed with him, and he certainly wasn't allowed to care for the wondrous white-haired boy predicted to be the destroyer of time. It was actually because of Allen Walker that he'd tried to commit suicide a fourth time.

Allen had intrigued him from the start. Not only because despite being only a boy in his mid-teens he was supposed to bring this war to an end, but also, as he got to know him, he wasn't as he seemed, much like the redhead was. Allen was almost always smiling and polite, despite their being great sadness in his eyes. He tried so hard to save everyone and everything, and took every death he couldn't prevent personal. But, aside from that uncontrollable urge of his to save humans, Noah and Akuma alike, he was also brave, and kind, and understanding. At times, he could also be funny, and was very friendly.  
At this point, Lavi was almost always thinking of death, considering every situation, thinking of how he could die in each one, and no one around him suspected a thing. They saw him as the cheerful Bookman who got on everyone's nerves with his pranks and jokes. After Allen came along everything changed. As Lavi got to know him, he learnt of his past, of how he'd been abandoned because of his appearance, and how the one man who cared about him had died. Like Lavi, he put on a brave happy mask to hide deep sorrow and mourning. But, unlike Lavi, he didn't put up the mask and bury his true emotions because it was required, he did it by choice.  
Soon, Lavi found himself thinking more and more about Allen, about how he was so strong, and that maybe if Allen could cope with the burdens of his existence, maybe he could too. The redhead soon stopped thinking of suicide, and started opening up little by little to everyone around him, slowly shedding his manufactured self without even realising.

Then, Allen died, and he broke again.

As he watched the footage of the Noah killing the person whom he had felt to be so strong, he could feel his soul cracking. He wasn't allowed to show his distress though; he was a Bookman, and this was just a soldier dying in a war.  
But he couldn't help but pick up the playing card Allen had dropped, the ace of spades. He took it out again when he was alone, not letting anyone see him in his emotional time. If one so strong as Allen could just die like that, just get up and leave, what was Lavi really waiting for? Yes, he was a Bookman, and had to live to record, but if Allen had died so easy, it was best to wait for the world to end quickly rather then fight for nothing, and if the world was going to end quickly, there was no need to record history.

He looked down into the ocean, and thought about how long it would take for him to drown, but before anything could happen the Akuma attacked and he pushed suicide to the back of his mind for then.

During the battle, it happened; he was hit by a bullet. As he fell into the sea, he relaxed, and waited for the virus to spread through his body, but then he woke up and found Krory had sucked the infected blood from him, thus saving him. He was grossed out, but then smiled and thanked him and got back to the battle, but really he wasn't thankful.  
Even after Allen returned to them alive and well, although Lavi appeared cheerful and happy again, he was still severely shaken. He didn't try to kill himself again until he was hurting Allen under the influence of his Bookman self. He'd always thought he was a Bookman through and through, but it seemed he was changing back to a normal feeling human; he was straying from his path.

--

Several months had passed, and here he was, on a mission, trying to kill himself again. He was standing on the wrong side of the railings, holding on to them to stop from slipping down. He didn't understand why he was trying to die. It was his duty to live, and he had no reason to be dead, but there he was, about to jump from a boat into freezing water at night. No one would know he was missing until dinnertime.

He stared down at the rushing water blankly. Allen was back, but only by luck. Strong people still died easily, so he was waiting for nothing. However, before he had a chance to let himself slip from the rails into the ocean beneath him, he heard footsteps.

He turned his head to look behind him, and a few meters away, there was Allen himself, standing there with an expression of mixed shock and some other emotion the redhead couldn't name.  
Lavi expected him to start yelling and begging him not to jump, but he stayed quiet and still. He was giving him a choice.  
Come back of your own will and talk about it when you're ready, or jump, be caught by his clown belt and be forced to speak.

The Bookman chose the first choice and carefully climbed back onto the right side of the railings. Allen approached him.

'Lavi, dinner's ready.'

'Ok...'

At dinner, he was cheerful, joking and chatted with everyone around him, though Allen kept stealing worried glances at him.

--

'I've been trying to kill myself ever since I was thirteen.'

They were in their cabin now, getting ready for bed. Lavi wasn't why he'd blurted that out, but after coming out of the shower he'd seen Allen sitting on the bed reading, and had felt he just needed to tell someone.

The white-haired boy looked up. He immediately stood, crossed the room, and took the older boy into a tight embrace. The Bookman-to-be buried his head in the shorter's shoulder, and then suddenly he was talking.

Talking about how he'd tried to kill himself, talking about his dead parents, talking about how he didn't know why he wanted to die, and then finally admitting he was scared he'd lost sight of all his goals and dreams. Allen listened, non-judgemental, and when Lavi was done they sat down on the bed.

'Your dreams...' the boy took a deep breath, making an effort to understand his friend's plight, 'What were they?'

'I wanted to become Bookman so I could record the world's hidden history. But... But it's like I've forgotten I'm a bookman! I mean... What kind of Bookman keeps trying to kill himself?! I don't even know why I want to die...' he sighed and put his head in his hands.

'Actually Lavi, it sounds like you do. Your parents were killed in front of you brutally, and both sides of your personality are constantly clashing about what's right and what's your duty... And... You seem as though you've lost your reason to live.'

'What?' The redhead blinked in looked up. Allen smiled and took his hand, giving it a comforting squeeze.

'I know what you're going through. I've tried to kill myself a few times too.'

Lavi gasped, unable to believe it. He'd known Allen had not had an easy life, but he'd almost looked up to the boy because of the way he'd handled his problems, despite the fact Lavi himself didn't know what his own problems were. He listened intently as the younger boy continued.

'It was when I was younger, before I met Mana. After one of those times though, Mana found me and adopted me... And well, I realised I had to keep living because of him. Your life... You need to live it for other people as well as yourself, but you're a Bookman, but you're also human, so you're depriving yourself of one of the things you need most in this world; another person. From what you've told me, you keep slipping towards your human self, by pulling back to being a bookman when you feel something for the people around you because it scares you. Makes sense?'

Lavi nodded, answering he did. Because he was a Bookman with a heart, he needed a reason for living, other then to just record history, but he didn't understand how that could happen because of the rules to his clan. Allen seemed to read his mind, and gave his hand another squeeze.

'I know it's not allowed for you, but... Maybe you should try taking off the Bookman mask for a little while? Let people in, let yourself feel for them and not be scared. It's none of my business, but...'

'No,' Lavi smiled and raised his other hand to stop him, 'It's fine. Thank you... You're... You're smarter then you look Allen.'

'Thanks... I think...'

Lavi chuckled lightly, and then did something he'd never thought he'd do before; he kissed Allen on the lips. He could feel the younger tense in surprise, but to his sudden delight he quickly kissed back.

So he was going to give the Bookman mask a rest for a little while and let himself taste life again. He wasn't sure if that would solve his addiction to attempted suicide, but hopefully it would put him on the road to solving his problems. And maybe he'd investigate these odd feelings he'd suddenly realised he'd had for Allen all along.

--

**(Groans in agony and hits head on desk)**

**That was awful! **

**Ok, yes, Lavi was OOC, but remember his cheerfulness in this story is a mask hiding his true broody angst self...**

**But really this sucks and I realise it. Please don't hate me.**


	22. Chibis

**Not owning this.**

**Ok, quick note on this story. Chibi Allen and Chibi Lavi are the most adorable things ever, so I thought "I wish they had joined up in the order when they were younger". And this is what I came up with.**

**Sorry for not updating, well, anything lately but I've got really bad writers block.**

**--**

Allen Walker stood by the stone pillar in the large cafeteria, nervously wringing his hands. He was ten years old, and his father Mana had only died a around two weeks ago. A strange man with long red hair and an odd yellow bird thing called Timcanpy had told him he was an exorcist, a person who killed Akuma, and the bird had led him to this place.

However, this new home scared him, a gigantic gothic castle full of strangers, and although he hadn't eaten in what felt like ages, he was too shy to go up to the ordering window to ask for food.

Timcanpy, who was sitting on his shoulder, finally got fed up with Allen's loud stomach complaining, and seized a lock of hair in his mouth and pulled roughly towards the window. Allen winced in pain and grabbed the golum, being careful not to rip the hair from his scalp as he pried the yellow creature off the snowy strands. His hair used to be a gentle brown colour, but it had turned white after Mana had cursed him in punishment. It still shocked him when he woke up in the morning to find his hair like that.

'Ano... Please don't do that Timcanpy...' Allen looked sadly as he held the golem in his hands. Timcanpy seemed to sigh in exasperation, and with his large tail he pointed towards Allen's growling stomach, then over at the ordering window.

'I know... But I'm not hungry!' Allen smiled weakly, 'The sounds my stomach is making... Indigestion from dinner last night that the crazy scientist guy made me! That's it!'

If Timcanpy had owned eyes he would have rolled them. He then fluttered into the air, bit into Allen's jacket sleeve, and gave a powerful yank, much stronger then anyone would expect from little golem. Allen cried out in surprise as he was pulled away from the pillar, across a short distance and up to the ordering window. The small boy, deciding as long as he was here he might as well get something, summoned all his courage and stepped closer, and stood on his toes so he could see properly over the benchthingy.

'E-excuse me...' He stuttered in a quiet voice, trembling in fear as he attempted to get the chef's attention , 'C-could I...'

'Move it old man.' A harsh voice said blankly and he felt an arm push him away from the window. Allen stumbled a little and turned to see a tall boy of thirteen with shoulder-length black hair at the window instead.

'Ah! Kanda-San! The usual?'

Kanda nodded and leaned against the side of the window, waiting for whatever the usual was. After a second, he turned his head to look coldly at the white-haired boy staring at him.

'What are you looking at?'

'N-Nothing I swear!' Allen gulped, turned and ran back to his hiding space behind the pillar. Timcanpy flew after him, and deciding his new master was going to give up on this particular mission, settled on top of his white head and seemed to go to sleep. The boy heard another loud growl emit from his stomach, and cursed his cowardice. That older kid had been carrying a sword taller the he was! Of course he was frightened!

'_But then...' _he stared at his feet sadly, _'Since Mana died I seem to be frightened of everything... The people here are so weird! Not that I should talk...'_

He sighed heavily and stared at his left hand, scaly, red and deformed. That combined with his hair and the demon stigma on his face had earned him many harsh comments and weird looks on his journey here, as well as after his arrival yesterday. The arm was supposedly this great anti-demon or Akuma or whatever weapon that was supposed to save people, but all it had done was destroyed his resurrected adoptive father, as well as make people like his biological parents hate him.

Just then, his stomach gave its loudest growl yet. He groaned and looked over sadly at the ordering window, wanting more then anything to get some food.

'Hey, you're a new exorcist right?'

Allen jumped in surprise as he felt a hand turn him around. Before him was a boy of around thirteen or fourteen with messy crimson hair a cheerful smile and an Eyepatch over one eye. He gulped nervously and nodded, dropping his gaze to the floor.

'Cool! Hey, you hungry? I saw my friend push you out of the way before; he's not the most tolerable person so by his standards you were taking too long ordering. Or maybe he's in a worse mood then usual... Oh well, come on, lets grab something!'

Before Allen could respond, the redhead grabbed his hand and dragged him right back over to the ordering window, despite minor protesting.

'Jerry! Morning! Uh, a bowl of cornflakes and a glass of milk please!'

'Coming right up Bookman Junior!'

'Oh, and what would you like?' the older boy looked at Allen kindly. Noticing the taller had a nice smile, Allen blushed a little and searched for his voice.

'A-a plate of ham sandwiches, two bowls of cereal, twenty-seven miterashi dango, a meat pie and a jug of water please...

'Eh?' "Bookman Junior" blinked, 'you gonna eat all that?'

'Yes...'

'Ok! What he said Jerry!'

Jerry the chef gave a cheery ok, and a few minutes later their orders arrived. Without even asking him to, the redhead held some of the dishes and carried them over to a table. Allen thanked him and sat down to eat, expecting him to leave, but he didn't. He instead sat right next to him and started chatting.

'So, you're really young huh? How old are you?'

'I-I turn eleven in december...'

'Ah right. You like the order so far?'

'I-It's ok...' Allen stuttered nervously, lying in case he offended the taller. The redhead grinned happily and extended his hand, which after some hesitation, Allen shook.

'Name's Lavi, though some people call me Bookman Junior... Call me Lavi, it's much less formal. I'm afraid I didn't catch your name...'

'Allen Walker...'

Allen said his name quietly as he finished his cereal and moved onto the sandwiches. Lavi went on to talk about things like the weather, and "Mean old Yu-Chan", and how his master and he travelled all over the world recording hidden history. Allen, still shy and nervous, only gave one or two word answers for the most part but that didn't seem to deter him in the last. When he went to ask Allen about his past, the boy choked on his food fearfully. Lavi chuckled and patted his back.

'Ah, don't wanna talk about yourself huh? Tha's ok. Well...' he pushed back his empty bowl and stood up to stretch, 'I gotta go do stuff in the library. See ya later Allen.'

Allen nodded shortly as he left.

After Allen had finished breakfast, a girl called Lenalee arrived and showed him around the order. The Order was gigantic, with too many floors and rooms to count, and he knew at some point he would get lost. He was then shown to his room, a lonely little space of stone with nothing but a desk and a bed and a painting of a clown on the wall. He sighed heavily and collapsed on the mattress, feeling sad.

--

'_Mana!' Allen called over and over again, running through the snow. Up ahead, he could see his beloved foster father standing with his back turned. Allen cried out again, and his pace quickened, but all of a sudden, Mana turned, and instead of his face, was the metal Akuma skeleton he had become. Allen skidded to a halt, looking on in horror._

'_Al-len...'_

_Then, Allen screamed as Mana dissolved into a pool of blood.  
_

And suddenly, he was standing in the middle of a dark corridor lined with doors. Outside the window to the left of him, moonlight was shining through. The cold bit at his bare feet and he shivered.

'W-where am I?'

It occurred to him he had sleepwalked. Looking around, he knew he was lost in this strange scary castle. He bit back the urge to cry, and looked back and fourth, trying to find something he recognized.  
Everything in the order looked the same to him, however he had to find a way back to his room, or he feared he'd be lost forever. The girl Lenalee had said there were a few areas of the order that were haunted and uninhabited. What if this was one of those areas?  
He suddenly got a prickly feeling at the back of his neck, and fear gripped his heart. He hurried forward and around a corner, desperate to find a way back to his room, or the cafeteria, or the crazy scientist's office, anywhere that he recognized.

'_I want to go home...'_ he raised a hand to wipe tears of fear from his eyes as he ran, '_I don't want to be in this place... I don't want o be an exorcist... I just want to go home to Mana's house! B-but Mana won't be waiting for me...'_

Then, not looking wear he was going, he tripped on his own feet, and with a cry he crashed to the ground.

'M-Mana...' he sobbed. 'I'm sorry...'

Then, he started crying, heart gripped by fear, and the still fresh sorrow of losing his father. He curled up against the stone wall, hugging his knees to his chest, letting the tears come. Then, suddenly, he felt an arm slide around his shoulders. He tensed, fearing a ghost, but when he dared to peek up at the person who was hugging him, he saw the smiling face of Lavi, concerned and sympathetic.

'L-Lavi?' he choked, wiping his eyes, 'Wh-what are you-?'

'I was walking back to my room and saw you crying here. Wanna tell me what's the matter?'

'I... I... I miss my dad!' a fresh wave of tears caught him off guard, and he buried his face in Lavi's chest, gripping his shirt desperately. Lavi held him tightly, and the younger boy shuddered when he felt the taller stroke his hair. It was comforting, a touch telling him everything was going to be ok. Soon, the tears stopped, and he gave a shuddering sigh and settled more comfortable into the hug. Lavi was a stranger, but he felt like he was a nice person he could trust, with a warm smile and a friendly face. He hoped they could become friends.

'You alright now?' the redhead asked after a while.

'I...Yes...' the boy nodded. Lavi smiled warmly, and wiped Allen's tears away with the tail of the big orange scarf around his neck. For the first time in two weeks, Allen cracked a small smile.

'Come on,' the redhead helped Allen to his feet. 'I'll take you back to your room.'

He suddenly picked him up, and put him on his back piggyback style. Allen made no complaints and snuggled against his back, feeling calmer then he had before. Lavi had a very nice feeling about him.  
The bookman started walking, somehow knowing where his room was, and the gentle rocking motion soon put him to sleep.

--

Lavi opened Allen's door with one hand and hurried in, lying the boy down on his bed. He spread the covers over the small form, tucking in the corners, and gently wiping a lock of white hair from his face. He'd heard finders talking about a new exorcist, with deformed features, but to Lavi, this boy was absolutely adorable.

'Poor kid...' he sighed as he stared at his innocence serene face, 'losing his dad only to be almost killed by him in Akuma form...'

Unable to resist, he got on his knees and laid a gentle kiss on his forehead. Allen stirred slightly as the redhead pulled away but did not wake. As he left the room, passing Timcanpy "asleep" on the desk as he did, he hoped he'd be able to get to know this boy in the future.

--

**Honestly, it's not that great, but I'd say it turned out ok. I got real bad writers block so i'm just glad i was able to write something. **

**REVIEW!**


	23. Real

**I don't own dgm.**

**--**

Lavi knocked on the door to the Allen's room the pushed it open. To his surprise, the white-haired was asleep at his writing desk, his head resting on his arms. The redhead smiled, came forward and placed the book he had been returning on the bookshelf, then took a blanket from the bed and spread it over the boy's shoulders, lest he get cold on that winters night.  
Unable to curb his curiosity as a Bookman in training, Lavi couldn't help but lean forward to look at what Allen had been writing.

"_Dear L"_

The word Dear and the letter L had been crossed out as though deciding it was a bad way to begin that particular letter. The bookman furrowed his brow, wondering if maybe L was him, but before he could pursue the thought, something in the mirror above the desk caught his eye. He looked up, shocked, wondering if it was a trick of the light.

Standing behind Allen's sleeping reflection was a shadow in a white suit, with a strange faceless smile. The redhead glanced over his shoulder, but no one was standing behind him. When he looked back the shadow was still there.

'What...' he gasped quietly. The shadow seemed to smile.

'You see the reflection of what is not in front of the mirror...' the shadows voice was monotone, 'Soon I shall be reborn.'

'You'll be re...' Lavi blinked, then his eye widened, 'You! You're the fourteenth aren't you?'

'My body stirs because you are yelling...'

'He's not your body!' Lavi yelled, 'He's his own self! So you can just piss off!'

'Lavi...?'

Lavi started and looked down. Allen sat up straight, rubbing his eyes and yawning as the blanket slipped from his shoulder and onto the flor. He blinked at Lavi questioningly, his silver eyes curious.

'Why are you yelling?'

'Because the...' Lavi blinked. The shadow was gone. 'Where'd it go?'

'Where'd what go?'

'Standing behind you in the mirror,' the redhead explained quickly, 'the fourteenth was there, but he's gone now.'

He expected Allen to be troubled by this information, but instead, he merely sighed heavily and carded his fingers through his hair. He slowly stood, reached for the crumpled blanket on the floor and tucked covered the mirror with it, tucking in the corners behind the hanging glass.

'Lavi...' he leant his hands on the desk, head bowed, hair covering his face, 'You... You were in the meeting I had with Master, and you heard everything... I probably shouldn't be asking this but do you think... Do you think Mana really loved me?'

'What?' the redhead was surprised by the random question, 'I... I don't know...'

'I like to think that he did,' the exorcist looked up and smiled weakly, 'But I also know that no matter what he felt about me, he knew I was going to become his brother, and he knew I was merely a temporary self, born in my body to keep it alive until the fourteenth could awaken and accommodate it. He looked at me he didn't see me. He saw his brother.'

'What...?' Lavi blinked, 'When did you start thinking that Allen?

Allen smiled again and walked over to sit on his bed. After a moment, he looked up again, his silver eyes sad.

'I was writing a letter of goodbye just then...' he sighed and looked up, 'while I still have time. I know I vowed to stay myself Lavi, and to fight against the fourteenth's influence... But I was born this way. As the reincarnation of the fourteenth I was purposely made an exorcist so when he awake he'd have a way to fight against the Earl. I'll be tossed aside, because I won't be needed anymore...'

'Allen...' the bookman took a step forward, his eye wide. That wasn't true! How could he think it was true?

'I-It makes me sad...' the fifteen-year old continued. 'I always thought, you know, I'd grow up, fall in love or something, die an old man and be happy, but... Well I guess being happy isn't my fate...'

The shorter reached up to wipe away the tears welling in his eyes. Lavi stood, speechless. Before now Allen had always acted confident and cheerful, sure that everything would turn out ok, but secretly, it seemed like he had accepted his fate. Lavi clenched his fists angrily.

'That's bullshit Allen. You're you, and if you don't want to disappear, then don't. Tell the fourteenth to rack off and leave you alone. He can't tell you what to do.'

Allen chuckled. 'You don't think I've tried that Lavi?'

'Well...' Lavi sat next to Allen on the mattress, 'You can't just give up! You're Allen Walker! You never give up even when you're beat!'

'Hm... But that's the thing. I'm not... I'm not me. Every thought, every feeling I've got, it doesn't matter because I'll be gone soon, and I wont come back. I might... I might as well not be real.'

'If you're not real,' Lavi grabbed Allen's shoulders, 'Then what did I fall in love with?'

Allen's eyes widened, but before he could say anything, Lavi leaned forward and kissed the shorter, tasting the salty tears that had been shed earlier. He could feel Allen tense in shock, but after a moment the boy relaxed. Encourage, the bookman moved to deepen the kiss, and that's when the younger exorcist pushed him away, blushing and saddened.

'Lavi... Don't... Y-You can't...'

'Why not?' the rabbit huffed, 'Because you're no real? Cos you don't matter? Hate to break it to ya but you ARE real and you DO matter. '

'No! Lavi! I'm just a host to keep my body alive,' Allen's words cut deep, his voice higher then normal, 'I won't be around much longer... If you saw the fourteenth as well then he's going to take over soon... It's pointless...'

'Nothing is pointless. Allen.' Lavi said seriously. 'I don't care if you become the fourteenth. You're Allen right now aren't you? Even if you don't return my feelings I better not catch you disbelieving in yourself again!'

'But-'

He was silenced by another kiss. This time, he didn't push Lavi away.

--

**Oh god that was pretty bad huh?**

**Review I guess.**


	24. My Angel

**Is not owning this.**

**--**

_Allen Walker is an angel._

_That's pretty much the only explanation for it. I'm sitting in the library right now, reading, and Allen is curled up in the chair opposite me, napping. His face is serene and calm, with a small smile tugging at the edge of his lips, making me wonder if he's having a good dream or just glad to get some sleep after all the missions and examinations from the inspectors that have been going on lately. Timcanpy is resting on his head, and I know golems don't have eyes so I can't tell if he's asleep or awake, but I can't help but feel he's awake. I raised my eyebrow._

'_You're staring at me aren't you?'_

_In answer Timcanpy grinned, his fanged smile appearing from no where. I rolled my eyes and went back to the book.  
That golem is too smart for his own good. It knows how I feel about Allen, even though I've only just realised myself. I'm still trying to figure out my feelings, and that damn golem is already keeping watch in case I molest him in his sleep or something, which I would never do by the way. Probably.  
I've fallen in love with an angel. When I first saw Allen, lying in that hospital bed, his face pure and lacking of anger, his hair snow white and his skin pale, I thought he was just one of those cursed ones, and I was right, but only partially._

_The boy is so kind to everyone, even to those bastards who taunt him because of his appearance. He doesn't look at Akuma like living weapons, he sees them as human souls forced to do evil, and he wants to save all people, even Noah. Despite all the shit he's been through, being abandoned, being bullied, being suspected of being a Noah, being thrown into a war when he's practically a child, I'm really surprised he can smile everyday. It's not always a happy smile though, merely a smile to disguise his pain, but most people can't tell the difference. I've only seen his true smile a few times since meeting him, and it was the sincerest, most beautiful smile I'd ever seen in all my years of travelling. He has never complained about the suffering he's been through, only wanting to lessen the suffering of both friends and enemies around him._

_It's kind of annoying sometimes, the way he hides behind that angelic smile. But I guess that's what angels do; they're there for others, and to unselfishly live for them._

_But I'd like to see Allen as he truly is, I want to know how he's feeling and what I can do to make him feel better. Laughable really, a Bookman falling in love, but whatever. I'd never been all that much of an obedience nut anyway._

_Allen is an angel, sent from heaven to salvage my heart and make me human again. When I'd lost hope in humanity, he became my light. I swear sometimes on missions, those few times I've seen his true smiles, if I look closely I could see white angel wings growing from his back, his smile lighting up the space around us. Sometimes though, I wonder if it's ok for me to fall in love with an angel. A sinner like me doesn't belong with an angel._

_How would he react if I told him my past? _

_Of how I used to think of everyone as meaningless names on paper?_

_The girl I watched get slaughtered for fear of interfering with history?_

_The homeless people on the street begging for food and money which I ignored without care?_

_Would Allen look at me the same way if he knew how I used to be?_

_It's cruel in a way. Now that he made me whole again, and made me believe in good and love and hope and god again, I realise what a terrible person I've been in the past, and I know Allen would never love me like that. All I can do now is fight and joke and laugh with him, to try to make amends._

_Surely if I can make an angel smile I will be forgiven?_

_The angel opposite me stirs, and blinks sleepily. I grin and close my book._

'_Good sleep?'_

'_Yeah...' he nods and stretches and yawns. Just then, his stomach gives off a loud growl. I chuckle._

'_We'll go get lunch yeah?'_

_--_

_We're at a small cafe in the town outside the order now. We could have just gone to get whatever we wanted from Jerry, but despite the fact his food is great, I just felt like a different cooking style. I watch Allen munch on his doughnuts out of the corner of my eye. Timcanpy is watching me right back like some over-protective parent over-seeing a date. I blush at the thought of dating Allen, and the kid, being oh-so-caring and worried about his friends, notices and looks at me in concern. He leans across the table and touches my forehead, and I shiver in stifled delight._

'_Ah, Lavi! You have a bit of a fever. Have you been sleeping with your window opened again?'_

'_Maybe...' I blink and tilt my head innocently. The angel sighs._

'_Idiot, it's not a good idea to do that in winter. Even if you have enough blankets you can still get sick.'_

'_I know... Sorry Angel.'_

_I honestly didn't realise I had said it out loud until the shorter boy looked up at me in slight alarm, his cheeks somewhat pink._

'_What? Did you just call me Angel?' _

'_Sure did.' I shrug and grin sneakily, to cover up the petname with joking perverseness. He sighs and smiles tiredly._

'_Well, I guess it's better then Beansprout. Though lovers usually call each other Angel don't they? People I might get the wrong idea if you call me that too much.'_

_Once again I shrug and bite into my éclair. After a moment of us both eating in silence, I decide to speak again. My voice is low.' If people take it the wrong way that's their problem. I'll call you Angel because that's what you are to me.'_

'_Thanks Lavi.'_

_Then, Allen gives me one of his true smiles. Just for a moment, though no one around including him notice, I see transparent wings seem to appear from his back._

_--_

_**REVIEW!**_


	25. The Nightclub Incident

**I don't own it.**

**Btw, I have a few more days with a computer but whether I am able update anything will be left to chance. **

**--**

Eighteen year old Allen Walker waited in the airport terminal cafe, sipping soft drink and flicking through a random magazine that had been left by the previous occupant of the table. For what felt the thousandth time in the last hour he checked his watch.

He was waiting for his friend Lavi to arrive on the next plane from Japan. He had known Lavi since childhood, had gone to primary school and high school with him, and now that he had graduated he was attending the same university and also sharing an apartment with him, and Allen also happened to be secretly in love with him. Of course, that love had wavered a few times after the night club incident three months ago, but the teen had always been a very forgiving person...

He sighed heavily, leant back and glanced at the giant clock on the wall as though looking at it rather then his watch would make time go faster. Lavi had been in Japan for almost two months. At first the twenty year old had said he was going for five days, then on the fourth day Allen received an email saying he'd be gone for another week without any explanation as to why. A week later an email came saying another two weeks, and it had gone on like that with no reason to the extended stay whatsoever. Allen had tried calling him and sending him emails back, but Lavi's phone was always switched off and the emails were never answered. It had made him sick with worry, especially with the way he'd been behaving since the night club incident. Then, when Lavi had sent an email saying he'd be back today, Allen had expected another email later saying a change of plans, but none had came. Now, sitting in the airport waiting, he half expected Lavi had forgotten to tell him the change and he wasn't coming at all.

At long last an announcement came on the overhead speaker that mentioned Lavi's plane had arrived. The white haired boy put down the magazine, stood up and walked towards the arrivals gate, dodging his way through the crowd as he did.

--

By the time he got to the correct destination there was already a crowd spilling through security, talking and chatting and looking for loved ones and talking on mobile phones. The teen scanned through the crowd, standing on his toes to see over it as he searched for a crimson red head. However, before he could look through the entire room, a pair of hands suddenly slid over his silver eyes and he felt a breath on his neck.

'Guess who.'

Allen smiled and turned, pulling the hands away from his eyes. The familiar face of Lavi grinned down at him, his single emerald eye glinting mischievously. As soon as he turned, the redhead caught Allen up in a tight hug, squeezing the air from his lungs, lifting him off the grounds and spinning him till he was dizzy.

'Allen! I missed you!'

'I-I missed you too!' the shorter boy choked, gasping for breath. His friend took the hint and put him down.

Allen thanked him and glanced him up and down, a little surprised by his appearance. He looked as he normally did, stylishly old clothes, perfectly messy red hair and Eyepatch over his right eye to hide the blindness, but it was still strange to see him cheery and smiling warmly. Before he'd left for Japan, his skin had been clammy and pale, his one green eye dull and he'd given off the impression of sickness. The few times he'd smiled since the night club incident he'd been either drunk or high.

'Eh?' Lavi blinked, 'Something wrong?'

'No.' Allen shook his head and blushed lightly, 'You just... You look really good.

'Aw thanks.' The twenty year old smiled, then suddenly glanced around, 'Anywaaayyy... Wheres... Ah! Yu-Chan! You find our bags?'

Allen blinked in surprise and looked around to where he was waving. Coming towards them was a Japanese boy around Lavi's age with long silky hair so black it was almost blue, and a feminine face and figure. For a moment Allen had almost mistaken him for a girl.

'Here,' Yu-Chan stopped and dropped a suitcase at Lavi's feet, hanging on to his own, 'You should learn to carry your own things Usagi.'

'Aw, but I had to find Allen!' Lavi pouted and slung his arm around the white-haired boy's shoulder, making him blush again. Yu-Chan rolled his eyes and looked Allen up and down, making him feel a little uncomfortable. He smirked.

'Che, this is the guy you told me about? He's shorter then I had imagined. And the bleached hair makes him look like an old man.'

'Hey!' a vein popped in the teen's forehead, 'I'm not short! And my hair is naturally this way! And I don't look old.'

'Whatever.'

Lavi chuckled nervously. 'Hehe, this is Yu Kanda Allen. He prefers to be called Kanda though. I met him in Tokyo. Is it ok if he stays with us for one night?'

'Um... Ok...'

'Sweet! Let's go Yu-Chan!'

'Don't call me that Baka!'

Lavi chuckled, grabbed Kanda's hand and started dragging him from the arrivals gate. Allen trotted after him, and as always when Lavi introduced him to a new boyfriend or girlfriend, jealously swirled in his stomach, dampening his mood somewhat. However, he also felt worried. In the three months leading up to Lavi's disappearance to Japan, he hadn't exactly been making the best choices of who he dated and hung out with. It was most likely meddling on his part, but he made a silent vow to keep and eye on Kanda while he was there, lest he be secretly a member of the yakuza or whatever they called it.  
Once outside, Allen caught up to the two older boys, and they started walking towards the train station. The redheaded one of the group was chatting loudly like he used to, which made the younger boy quite happy. Kanda was apparently ignoring him, the conversation one-sided. Allen sped up a little more so he was walking beside them and Lavi smiled at him.

'Hey Allen. Sorry I didn't answer your emails and stuff, I was super busy. I had to do my university work by correspondence and stuff and they seemed to like sending me heaps at a time.'

'It's ok...' the boy nodded shyly, 'Um... So how did you and Kanda meet?'

'Me and Kanda?' he blinked, 'Oh...You know, just a random thing...'

He trailed off, and then started talking to the unresponsive Japanese man next to him. The white haired teen furrowed his brow in confusion, but decided to let it slide. He would investigate the trip when they got home.

--

The entire train ride, Lavi talked, mostly to Allen after figuring out Kanda was wearing earplugs. Allen engaged him in conversation right back, and it felt like old times before they'd gone to that stupid night club. Soon enough they arrived at the station and walked the rest of the way to their two-bedroom apartment. Upon arrival, Kanda went to take a shower, and Allen and Lavi went to get blankets and pillows from the storage room. While they were there shifting through junk, Allen swallowed nervously.

'Um... Lavi... Are you sure Kanda is... He's not dangerous is he?'

'What?' Lavi looked up in surprise. He chuckled. 'No, he's not... Though he's a black belt in martial arts, plus he's trained in sword fighting... It's probably best if you avoid pissing him off too bad.'

'Ok.' Allen sighed, 'Sorry to pry... It's just... You're not really good at choosing people to date so I get worried...'

'What?' Again, he looked up in shock, 'Me dating Yu-Chan?'

He smiled, sighed, and placed a hand on Allen's shoulder.

'Don't you worry Allen. I'm not dating him. He's just a friend.'

'Are you sure?' the smaller boy found it hard to believe.

'If I was really dating him he'd be sleeping in my bed, wouldn't he? He's staying with us cos he's visiting his girlfriend in the city tomorrow, but he couldn't find a motel at short notice, and she's out tonight. He's leaving in the morning.'

He gave Allen's shoulder a comforting squeeze, then bent down to pick up the bedding. Allen felt utterly relieved at the news he wasn't dating Kanda as he followed him out to the lounge room, but there were still a few things bugging him.  
How was it Lavi was back to normal? Did that mean...

Lavi,' he said suddenly, 'Are you still drinking and smoking and stuff?'

'No. I gave all that shit up.'

Allen blinked in surprise at the answer. He'd expected Lavi to laugh, avoid the question or say to him it was none of his business like he had so many times in those three weeks from hell, but here he was, looking him in the eye with a sincere expression on his face. He couldn't help but gape a little, at a loss of what to say. As he stood there, Lavi raised a hand and cupped his cheek, stroking the skin with his thumb, making Allen blush pink.

'It's good to see that cut didn't scar at all...'

'L-Lavi...'

'Anyway,' the redhead continued as he took back his hand, dropped the pillows and blankets on the couch, 'I'm starving. Can we order some pizza tonight? I feel like some Italian after all that sushi and soba...'

He smiled and left through the door to the kitchen. Allen stared after him, eyes wide, then sighed heavily and dropped to sit on the couch. Absent-mindedly, he raised his hand to feel the place Lavi had touched, still warm from his body heat.

--

**Three months ago**

_Allen sat on the night club stool at the bar, drinking lemonade. He was there with Lavi, celebrating that he'd just been accepting into the same university as him. He and Lavi weren't drinkers, but the redhead enjoying coming to nightclubs to occasionally dance and talk to people. Allen had danced a bit as well that night, but had stopped to get a drink after getting tired._

'_Oi Allen!' Lavi came running from the crowd with a big goofy smile on his face, his red hair purplish under the flashing blue lights. He was pulling a man of about twenty five after him._

'_This is Tykki,' the older boy grinned and gestured to the man, 'Isn't he sexy.'_

_Tykki smiled and held out his hand. Allen shook it, trying to ignore the jealousy welling inside of him. The man was indeed sexy, with wavy black hair, gold eyes, the face of a Portuguese male supermodel and naturally tanned skin. However, Allen merely smiled politely rather then agree with his friend._

'_Nice to meet you, I'm Allen.'_

'_Pleasure.' The older man smiled seductively and turned to the twenty year old standing next to him, 'So Lavi how about i buy you that drink?'_

'_Sure thing, I'll have a diet coke.'_

'_Hm,' Allen sighed, then put on a smiling mask, 'Well I'll just quickly go to the bathroom ok Lavi?'_

'_Righty oh, hurry back! I wanna dance with you some more!'_

_Allen blushed, hopped off his stroll and made his way through the crowd, the techno music beating against his ears and the bright lights clouding his vision somewhat._

_When he returned, Tykki and Lavi had disappeared. He asked the man at the bar where they had gone, and was told they had left, the Portuguese man saying he needed to bring him home because he'd gotten too drunk. Allen had thought that strange, as Lavi had ordered a non-alcoholic drink, and also because he'd only been gone a few minutes, not even long enough to down two beers. No one could possibly get so drunk they had to leave in that time, unless they had been given one of those daterape drugs Allen had heard about in the news.  
So, he left the night club to see if he could catch up to them to see if Lavi had gotten sick or something._

_As he was walking, he heard voices in an alleyway._

'_No...Come on...Leggo...mhhpt!' the voice was slurred and confused, but it definitely sounded like Lavi. The sound he made gave the impression that he had been gagged suddenly._

'_Shut up you bitch,' the second voice was Tykki, except the seductive charm had gone. It was now gruff and cruel. Worried, he turned sharply into the alleyway, and was shocked to find Lavi, his best friend, being raped._

_He managed to find a board of wood and knock Tykki out with it and then call the police, but the damage was done. _

_Then came the month from hell. Lavi claimed he was fine, but he started going out to parties and nightclubs every night, drinking heavily and taking up smoking. He started bringing home strangers, and going home with them as well, eventually taking up all kinds of drugs. He took painkillers everyday to cure his numerous hangovers. He wasn't eating enough.  
Allen wasn't completely sure what was going on, having no experience on how to handle such situations, but it distressed him greatly to see the person he loved this way. He tried to be understanding, telling him to stop, and to get help, but Lavi wouldn't hear any of it. Finally, the younger of the two got fed up and confronted him saying he was going to stop and see a therapist whether he liked it or not, and Lavi lost his temper, punching him in the face dangerously hard, and heavy bruises appeared on his cheek, so bad it was likely they would scar. The next morning Lavi announced he was going on holiday to Japan._

--

Back in the present, Allen turned off the shower and stepped out, reaching for a towel to dry himself with. After he did that, he put on his pyjamas, and opened the sink cabinet to look for his tooth brush. Lavi seemed like his old self again, like the night club incident had never happened. However, what he was doing in Japan for so long still bugged him, and he hadn't had the opportunity to discuss it with him yet. However, He had the feeling the redhead wasn't very ready to talk about, for whatever reason...

Just then, Lavi's bathroom bag fell from the shelf of the cabinet and onto the floor, its contents scattering across the white tiles with a clatter. The boy sighed and crouched to pick the objects up, wishing Lavi would learn to keep things a little tidier.

Suddenly, something caught his eye and he stopped. Lying there was a box coloured white and silver, medication with some unpronounceable name. He stood up, staring at it in confusion. His blood ran cold, and he rushed from the bathroom, and ran down the hall to knock on Lavi's door, entering without waiting for an answer. Lavi looked up from the book he was reading in surprise.

'Lavi, what's this?'

He held out the box, hoping against hope that it wasn't some drug or painkiller, and that Lavi was fine, and he was clean like he said he was, but the moment the older boy's single emerald eye took in the sight of the medicine, his expression darkened. He reached forward and snatched it.

'You weren't supposed to find that.'

'Find what?' Allen could feel anger welling up inside him, 'Find out that you're still a junkie? You told me you weren't taking any shit anymore!'

'I'm not!'

'Then what is that? Why were you in Japan?! Tell me already!'

He finished his small outburst, staring at Lavi, waiting for a response. His friend stared coldly back at him, before sighing heavily.

'I... Those are anti-depressants Allen.'

'What?' the teen blinked. Lavi nodded and opened the top draw of his bedside table. After a moment of ruffling through it, he brought out several pieces of paper bound together and passed them to the boy.

'There's my prescription. See? A doctor told me to take these. It's fine.'

'I...You...' Allen gaped. He'd suspected somewhat that Lavi had depression, as it was common for rape victims to get the mental disease, but Lavi had always been so insistent about not getting help he hadn't expected this at all. He looked up.

'Then why were you in Japan for two months?'

'Because I hit you.'

The redhead stood up, arms folded, taring at his feet sadly. 'I...I thought I was fine but... Well I guess when you hurt the person you care about the most you tend to take a different perspective on your situation...I needed help, but I didn't want to be around you until I was sure I wouldn't hurt you again...I'd always wanted to go to Japan, so...'

He chuckled dryly, and once again, Allen was reduced to staring in shock. He glanced down at medical forms in his hand, then back up at the twenty year old.

'And Kanda...?'

'I met him cos he's the son of my therapist back in Tokyo. He really is here to visit his girlfriend; it was coincidence we'd be coming here on the same day so I offered to let him stay... I'll be getting a new therapist here now that I'm back though... I was meaning to stay longer but I missed you too much...'

Despite the situation, Allen blushed. He stared sheepishly at the floor, wringing his hands guiltily. 'I'm sorry I accused you.'

'It's alright,' the redhead looked up, smiling slightly. An awkward silence descended upon them, and Allen wondered what he should do. Should he leave? Should he stay and talk?  
However, before he could come up with an answer, Lavi closed the space between them and he suddenly felt the older boy's lips on his own. He made a shocked noise, and the twenty year old pulled away, blushing.

'S-sorry... Shouldn't have done that...Ugh...' he groaned and ran his fingers through his crimson hair. Allen swallowed thickly, eyes wide.

'Wh-what...' he stuttered, 'Why did you..?'

'It's nothing. Forget it.'

'No! I mean...' he paused, his face reddening, 'I don't... Want to forget it...'

It was Lavi's turn to blink. Then, he chuckled and sat on the edge of his bed, shaking his head in disbelief. 'Things...' he sighed, 'Things aren't... What they used to be. I want everything to go back to the way they were, before I was...And everything went insane... But... Well that's wishing for the impossible, am I right?'

'Yeah...' Allen nodded.

'So I thought, hell, what else could possibly change, and I took a chance and kissed you. I love you Allen...Or at least I hope I do...I'm not sure what's what anymore...'

He sighed and put his head in his hands. Allen came over to sit beside him, slinging his arm around his shoulder as he did. The older man leant his head against Allen's chest, curling up against him.

'I'm sorry I keep putting us both through shit.'

'It's ok.' The white haired boy smiled nervously, 'And... Well, I feel the same way if you're curious.'

'Heh,' Lavi smiled weakly, 'must be my lucky day.'

He then sat up, and they shared another kiss, more passionate then the first.

--

**That was a fic to try and defeat writers block, so sorry it's not good.**

**Oh, and btw, i know most rape victim stereotypes have them afraid of touching people and being unsociable and stuff, but i know that a lot of them will end up acting like Lavi did, so...yeah...**

**REVIEW!**


	26. Affection

**Eek! I'm sorry last chapter was a screw up! Maybe some warm fuzzy fluffiness would make up for it?**

**WARNING: implied sex...Oh, and Lavi and Allen are naked for the entire chapter. **

**I don't own the show. I don't own the chronicles of Narnia either.**

**--**

'Hey, what is it that you hate about me the most?'

Allen blinked in surprise and stared at the redhead holding him in strong arms. It was a coldish early morning, so their bodies were twined together for extra warmth. Allen had suggested it would make sense to put clothes on if they were cold, but Lavi had waved the idea off with a "Pfft!"

'Hate?' the younger exorcist said to the grinning bookman, 'I don't hate you.'

'And I don't hate you! But there has to be qualities that you dislike about me. Come on; tell me, I won't get mad.'

The cursed boy raised his eyebrow curiously. 'You sure pick strange topics for after-sex talk Lavi.'

He sat up, unwound himself from Lavi's limbs and got to the floor looking for where Lavi had thrown his clothes last night in that heated frenzy. The redhead snuck under the covers and burrowed to the end of the bed, poking his head out and resting his chin on his arms as Allen attempted to retrieve his shirt from the ceiling fan.

'Don't need to be a spoil sport Allen. Couples talk about their problems and work through them to make their relationship stronger. If ya hold back...' he added with a cheeky smirk, 'An intense loathing for me will develop, and it'll all blow up with you getting a kitchen knife while I'm asleep and attempting to cut off my-'

'I told you.' The fifteen year old smiled tiredly, 'there's nothing I hate about you. I won't be planning on performing a sex change on you anytime soon.'

'Aw, but you've said yourself I'm annoying sometimes!' he sat up, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders, 'Here! I'll go first! I think you need to be more romantic and affectionate.'

'What?' the smaller teen blinked as he pulled his pants on.

'Yup! You always freak when I hug you or something.'

'That's only in public Lavi. You know, cos our relationship is a secret? It's not really normal for "just friends" to grope each other in the lunch line.'

'Ha!' the rabbit's face lit up happily, 'There! A thing you don't like about me!' his face fell suddenly, 'you...Don't like that I'm affectionate?'

'No...' Allen blinked. He sat on the bed on his knees, 'I do like your affection!'

'Actually...' the redhead looked thoughtful, 'Now that I think about it...You don't like it in private either. You always try to get away from me when I hold you in bed...And you're reluctant to kiss me as well.'

'Eh, that's not-'

'Right now even, you're gathering up your clothes so you can go back to your room even though it's like five in the morning. Don't you wanna spend the night with me?'

The expression Allen was given was that of a kicked puppy, or bunny as it were. He sweatdropped and smiled nervously, searching for a way to put his feelings into words.

'Um...' he began, 'It's not that I don't like physical affection, it's just that... Well it's my upbringing I guess. I wasn't really taught how to be... What's the word...? Intimate with someone. I didn't have any parents until Mana found me, and I was too young to be taught that stuff then, and when I _was... _Master's not really the touchy feely lesson type. I try to be a bit more like you are, but it's difficult. I have no idea what I'm doing even though we've been going out for months. I keep thinking "Is this ok?", "Is doing that crossing the boundary?", and things like that.

'Ah, I see.' The bookman nodded, 'You're unsure of how to act and feel when in a relationship like ours, so you're apprehensive. Well lemme tell ya Allen, you're not alone in the clueless department. My profession normally was supposed to have me celibate remember?'

'Yeah...'

'So!' Lavi clapped his hands onto Allen's shoulders, smiling happily, 'You just do what I do. There's no real set defining way of how to act and feel, so just go with what your instinct tells you. In my case, it's telling me to screw you into the wall every time I see you.'

'How romantic.'

Lavi chuckled and pulled the clothed exorcist into his naked lap, locking him in a sweet kiss twice before deepening it to last longer. Allen was a bit more ready to receive then he had been in the past, albeit the shyness that characterised him and made him so adorable was still there. However, it was only a matter of seconds before his clothes were once again discarded to the four corners of the room, and they were in a flurry of touches, caresses and cries of ecstasy.

--

Allen ended up spending the night, partly due to exhaustion, and partly to cuddle with his boyfriend. Now that neither of them were holding back, both had to admit the sex seemed a lot better (not that it wasn't already good before), and the euphoria-induced stupor had them asleep quickly, and even over-sleeping. At around ten in the morning, there was a loud knock on the door, waking them abruptly. Working like clockwork, having gone through this situation a couple times already, Allen hurriedly jumped from the bed and hid himself in the redhead's wardrobe, pulling the oak door shut with a click. Lavi reached for his dressing gown hanging on the coat stand to hide his bare form as he opened the door of his room, an innocent and sleepy smile on his face.

'Yes? Ah, good morning Lenalee.'

'Morning Lavi.' The cheerful Chinese girl piped, 'Sorry for bothering you but have you seen Allen? He wasn't at breakfast at his usual time and I didn't find him in his room.'

'Um...' the redhead racked his brains, 'You know what? He said he might start training in the forest I think. You should try there.'

'Ok!' she nodded, thanking him and leaving. Lavi made sure she had disappeared from sight before retreating back into his room. He strode over to the wardrobe and opened it. Allen poked his head out, shivering. 'She gone?' he asked.

'Yup! You're shivering...Cold in Narnia?'

'Yes... Can you please hand me my clothes?'

Lavi smirked. 'And why would you need them?'

Allen raised his eyebrow. 'So I can warm up...'

'Pfft, that's boring. This way is better.'

The redhead smiled and suddenly pulled Allen out of the wardrobe fully, and wrapped him up in the dressing gown, hugging him to his skin tightly. Allen blushed and smiled.

'You're really perverted Lavi...'

'I know...' He grinned and kissed his head, burying his face in his white hair. Normally Allen would stiffen and attempt to sneak away, but he was enjoying it, so he let Lavi do as he pleased, leaning his head against the older's bare chest with a blissful smile on his face.

'Lenalee...' Lavi murmered, 'I think that girl has a crush on you. You have no idea how jealous that makes me.'

'Well if she does i'm flattereed but taken. I love you Lavi.'

Lavi smiled and moved his lips to Allen's neck, his hamds slipping to the younger's lower back. He murmered the phrase back into his pale skin, making him shiver as goosebumps rose.

'I love you too Allen.'

--

**There. Fluff, sex, nudity for the entire chapter and a Narnia reference. Am I forgiven for the last chapter or have I only made things worse? Knowing me I've made it worse.**

**I'm really sorry...**

**REVIEWS GIVE HUNGRY BEANSPROUTS CAKE!**


	27. crack

**Ok I'm kinda sad today cos every fic writer on ff seems to be updating sad things lately. So here's some random pointless fluff.**

**I don't own this.**

**----**

'Allen....' the redhead whined from his bed, reaching across to brush his hand down his boyfriend's back. 'Alleeeeeeen......'

Allen fought the urge to turn around, cos if he did, then Lavi would flash him the sad-koala-kicked-puppy look, and there was no denying the perverted bunny when he made that look. Although Allen was supposedly the "cute one" Lavi could be pretty cute himself, in a pathetic way.

'Come on Alleeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnn......!'

'Oh for the love of god stop it!' the white haired exorcist turned around, bouncing on the bed. He cringed. There it was; the koala-puppy look. However, he managed to direct his attention from pathetic doe-eyed expression, focussing on the way his cheeks were flushed with fever, the wet cloth was folded on his forehead, and the fact he was too weak to sit up.

'Pleeeeaaaaaaassssssse give me a cuddle...'

'Lavi, you're sick. If I touch you, Head nurse will know. It's not allowed.' He sighed and sat cross-legged next to his secret lover. It was a private room in the infirmary and no one was in there but them at the moment, so they could talk all they want, but if they even kissed the head nurse, with her psychic connection to her patients', would know instantly and kick the smaller boy out immediately. Not to mention she would find out about their relationship. Sceptical Lavi didn't believe in such mysterious forces, so for the last few days in which he'd been bedridden with a bad fever, he hadn't been able to kiss, hug or touch the shorter in any manner. If he did, the younger of the two would be kicked out and they wouldn't see each other again until Lavi got well again.

'Don't be so paranoid...' the bookman-to-be grinned slyly, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. 'Even if she could sense what's going on, what's stopping us from locking the door so she can't get in?'

The shorter smiled. 'Nothing, but even so you're not getting any.'

'Awwww!' the redhead pouted and rolled onto his side, pressing his palm to his forehead so the cloth wouldn't fall off, 'Why not?!

'One, you're sick and I don't wanna get what you got, and two, last time I checked, there's no way in hell I'm having sex In a hospital bed. I mean.... Come on Lavi. People have probably thrown up on this bed.'

'All the more reason to do it! It's kinky! And I'm not even asking for sex! Just a quick make out session, maybe some cuddling...'

'Nope, still don't want to get sick.'

Lavi pouted again and rolled back onto his bed, bringing the cloth down to cover his eyes. 'Meany...'

Allen chuckled quietly, got up, and tucked the sheets on Lavi's bed in. It was time for lunch, and since the crimson haired teen despised hospital food, it was then he chose to take naps to fool the nurses. He smiled once the bookman's breathing had slowed and evened out (one amazing skill Lavi possessed was that he could fall asleep instantly whenever he wanted), then turned to leave out the private room.

----

Later, down in the cafeteria, Allen tucked into his mountain of food, only receiving a few amazed stares from finders recently assigned to headquarters. After finishing, he would bring up Lavi's order, where the redhead would eat it before the nurses could realise he was awake and attempt to feed him "awful healthy stuff."

'Ah, Allen!' Lenalee suddenly appeared and slid into the seat next to him. Allen swallowed his mouthful of cake and smiled.

'H-Hello Lenalee. How are you today?'

'Good. My brother is actually getting some work done, so I get a break from serving coffee. Um... Listen Allen, can I ask you a personal question?'

'Uh, sure...'

'Are you and Lavi dating?'

The male exorcist suddenly choked; the cake becoming lodged in his throat and cutting off his air. He made a muffled noise of panic and coughed and sputtered, banging his fist against his chest until it dislodged and continued on to his stomach. He gasped for breath and reached for his glass of water. The Chinese girl sitting next to him merely smiled cheerily, ignorant of Allen's pain.

'Oh, so you _**ARE**_ dating!' she clapped her hands together in glee, 'I knew it! That's wonderful-'

'I-it's not! Cos it's not true!' the younger boy slammed his glass back on the table, eyes wide, 'I would never date Lavi! Never ever ever! He's... He's Lavi!'

'Oh....' the female exorcist's face fell, 'Really? Well I guess it was silly of me to ask... Lavi himself said he only liked you like a little brother.'

Allen blinked. 'Erm... He did?'

'Yes, I asked him if you two were dating last week and he told me that. I suppose I just wanted to make sure. You two would have made such a cute couple, even if you are both guys... Well, I'll see you later Allen.'

She bowed her head and got up to leave the table. Allen was left there staring at his food, feeing sort of empty. He knew Lavi and he couldn't ever tell anyone about their relationship, at least for now anyway, but still... They had both agreed that if someone asked they would deny anything, but not too much. A simple "we aren't dating" had been decided, not an "I don't love him that way" or any "like him like a brother"s. His eye twitched slightly in annoyance, and he got up.

----

The young exorcist came to his boyfriend's hospital room, went in, locked the door, and drew the blinds on the little viewing window. He turned around, strode over to the sleeping teen, climbed onto the bed and straddled his waist. He shook his lover gently.

'Lavi, wake up please.'

The redhead cracked an eye open sleepily, blinked at the position they were in, and looked up at him curiously, sweatdropping 'Um... Allen? What are you doing?'

Allen narrowed his eyes and leant forward to lock the redheaded teen in a kiss. Screw getting sick, he'd show him who was his little brother....

----

**Random crackish crap in order to heal the wounds created by all the sad fics.**

**Review.**


	28. Flowers

**I ate too much for tea and my tummy hurts. Wah.**

**I don't own dgm.**

**----**

The world was full of beauty, Bookman Junior decided as he trotted after his master dutifully, but, like all things beauty was only temporary. They were heading towards London, and were currently crossing through a small town on the outskirts, surrounded by a field of all kinds of flowers like a rainbow. In the sunshine it looked truly fantastic, but, eventually this beauty would wither away and die, be it naturally or because of an outside cause. He and the old Panda had seen places like this before, only to pass by them a day afterwards and have the flowers destroyed by a battle, an army crossing the country, a fire set alight by rebellious teens, the list went on and on...

A light perfume-smelling breeze blew by, ruffling the child's crimson hair and sending many petals into the air, whirling around like a choreographed dance. He stopped to watch, and only then did he notice the only other figure in the field.  
A few yards away, a small child not too much younger then him was bent over, picking some of the flowers while humming a tune that sounded akin to a lullaby. The young child had happy looking silver eyes and brownish-red hair. It took a moment for Junior to realise it was a boy. He grinned cheekily and broke away from his master, sneaking up behind the boy.

'What are you doing?' he asked politely. The boy cried out in shock and jumped in surprise, losing his balance and falling forward, only just managing not to crush the flowers he had gathered. Junior chuckled at the slapstick, and the younger boy sat up and gave him what was no doubt supposed to be a glare, but on such a cute face it came out as an adorable pout.

'That wasn't very nice...'

'Hehe, sorry.' The apprentice bookman held out a hand, smiling apologetically. The smaller boy took his hand and was helped to his feet. As he dusted himself off, the redheaded boy noted he was wearing a jumper and one glove, despite it being spring. However, in his travels he'd seen many odd styles of clothing, so he decided not to pursue it.

'So, picking flowers yeah?'

'Yes!' the brunette boy nodded happily, 'My father isn't feeling well today, so I thought while the doctor sees him these would cheer him up.'

'Aw, how nice,' the redhead's smile turned a little sarcastic, 'Though... Why get him flowers? Flowers wilt and die eventually. They're only temporary, so you shouldn't bother with them. Don't you have something better to do then pick flowers?'

'Eh?' the smaller tilted his head in confusion, 'But... They're so pretty.'

'Yeah, all the more reason not to bother with them. They make you happy for a short time, only to wilt suddenly and leave you sad. You end up feeling worse then if you'd never seen any flowers at all.'

'I suppose...' he nodded, looking thoughtful. For a moment Junior thought he had one, but then, the younger boy's face split into a wide a smile, surprising him. 'But you shouldn't think like that! It's the way you look at things that count. Yes flowers die, but if everyone thought like that and didn't bother with flowers, the world would be a less colourful place, and that would be sad. As long as they make you smile at least once while they're alive, wouldn't the memory of how happy you felt looking at them make up many times over the sadness and loss you feel after they're wilted?'

Junior blinked in surprise, a little dumbstruck. 'But... Panda told me temporary things didn't mat-'

'OI!' The old man called from the other side of the field, 'Idiot apprentice! Hurry up! Quit lagging about!'

'Oh, gotta go.' The redhead smiled at the smaller, then started running towards his senior, 'See you later Creepy Flower Boy!'

He threw a wave over his shoulder as he ran, and chuckled when he saw the boy pout, before turning back to his mission of picking the flowers, humming that same tune from before.

----

_**8 years later**_

'Moyashi-Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnn!' Lavi whined as he dragged his feet heavily, tired from the day long trudge, 'I'm gonna die.......'

Up ahead Allen rolled his misty silver eyes, turned and smiled. 'Aw come on Lavi, it's only a few kilometres now. Surely you can handle that?'

In answer, the redhead made a strangled groan of defeat and collapsed, faceplanting in the dirt. The fifteen year old exorcist sighed in exasperation, doubled back to his taller friend on the ground and crouched in front of him and poked his back.

'Mpht.'

'Stop being so dramatic Lavi, you're not that tired. You never get this tired fighting Akuma.'

'It's called battle adrenalin,' the bookman-to-be's voice was muffled slightly. He then looked up and winked cheekily. 'Besides, I'm good at handling my hammer, if you know what I mean.'

'Stop trying to put a sexual innuendo into everything, it doesn't even work half the time.'

'That's what she said.'

'You're impossible.'

Lavi chuckled and got to his feet. Allen also stood up, and they walked on ahead for a minute, when they suddenly found themselves in a field of flowers. It was similar to the one the crimson haired teen remembered visiting when he was around ten, though this one was in France. He looked around a breathed a sigh of admiration.

'This place sure is pretty, huh?'

'Hm...' Allen nodded, giving a small smile as he looked about, 'It reminds me of this place near my childhood home... Do you like flowers Lavi?'

'Love 'em...' he grinned and bent down to pick a golden daffodil. He stood up straight again, moved closer to his younger companion, and reached to tuck the boy's snowy locks behind his ear before placing the flower there, holding the strands back and complimenting the pale colour. His smile softened.

'You look pretty in yellow, Moyashi...'

'Shut up...' Allen glared/pouted in annoyance, which seemed oddly familiar in some way, but the redhead pushed it to the back of his mind, deciding it wasn't important. To the older boy's joy, there was a light sprinkling of pink across the shorter's cheeks, and he didn't try to remove the flower from his hair.

----

**AW, SO CUTE! X3**

**REVIEW!**


	29. one month

**She liiiiiiives!**

**Haha, on my friends comp, so a small update guys. I don't own it.**

* * *

**And great ews! They finalised the dub cast list and should release the first volume of the dvds in the next three months or so! If the dub sucks I can just turn on the jap with subs.**

_I'm in love with my best friend. I dont really know how it happened, but here I am. I think... he might... like me too. But that could just be wishful thinking... in all honesty, I dont think Lavi's gay. He's always whistling at girls, and flirting and nudging me and asking if I think a girl walking by is pretty. I dont really like it... I dont want to look at girls, I want to look at Lavi, but... He's so much older than me... I'm only a fourteen year old brat, and he's seventeen. He's so cool and smart and he always seems to have some girl or another begging him to date them. It hurts, but I want Lavi to be happy, and I want him to be my friend, so I dont think I'll ever tell him how I feel. It would just make things way too weird. Lavi probably wouldn't want to talk to me if he found out I'm gay._

Allen sighed as he shoved his journal back into his desk drawer. Lavi was coming to pick him up soon, they always hung out on fridays nights, unless Lavi had a date, then he usually just sat home and watched movies with his dog, Timcampy. A car horn rang out and Allen jumped up, racing down the stairs and grabbing his coat before running out to meet Lavi as he grinned from behind the wheel of his beat up sedan.

"Hurry up Allen! The movie starts in half an hour!"

"Its not my fault you took so long to get here!" Allen laughed as he climbed into the car. The redhead pouted as Allen laughed, putting the car into reverse and pulling out onto the road.

"You don't understand Allen! The evil panda was making me study! It took me FOREVER to get away! I'm just glad I made it in time!" Lavi looked pathetic enough that Allen could even pity him.

"Whatever, Lavi..." he chuckled, "What movie are we going to see?"

"That new romantic comedy that just came out! I want to ask someone out, but I want to know if the movie is good before I go, or if we'll just make out through all of it." The bubble of hope that Allen had felt swelling in his chest popped and he sighed sadly and turned to look out his window. Of course that would be the only reason Lavi took him to a 'date' movie...

"Sure, thats fine with me..." The redhead glanced over at him for a moment with a concerned glint in his eye.

"You alright Allen? you sound a bit off..."

"I'm fine!" Allen turned to Lavi too quickly with a smile that was too bright to be real, "I don't know why you would think I'm not!" he laughed a strained version of his usual chuckle and Lavi was only worried more by it, but he decided to say nothing.

"Okay then Allen. Whatever you say." The rode in a companionable silence for the last few minutes of their drive before they arrived at the movie theatre.

--

"Okay Allen, spill. Did... did Yuu talk to you?" Lavi leaned towards the younger boy over the table they were at in their favourite pizza place with an characteristically serious expression on his face.

"Kanda? About what?" Allen looked up from his food and Lavi instantly looked uncomfortable.

"Err, well you've been acting odd the entire night... so I thought Yuu might have talked to you about something I told him and it was making you uncomfortable around me... but if he didn't then there is nothing to worry about!" Lavi smiled sheepishly with a dismissive wave of the hand, but Allen was too curious for his own good sometimes.

"What would possibly make me uncomfortable around you Lavi?"

"Ah, its... its nothing..." Allen raised an eyebrow with a look on his face that clearly said he wasn't buying it.

"If you think its enough to make me uncomfortable around you, then its not nothing Lavi. Seriously, just tell me Lavi! We're friends no matter what and nothing you tell me will change that!" Allen really didnt know what he was in for, Lavi was one to let bombs of secrets go randomly, so the younger of the two should have known that his proding would get him just that; a bomb.

"I... I think I might... be... gay..." Lavi blushed madly and looked away quickly, as if admiting this was something to be ashamed off.

Allen was just pretty sure his mind had imploded.

"A-Allen?" the redhead dared a glance back at his friend, only to find him blinking stupidly, with shock written clearly over his face. With a groan Lavi rested his hands in his face.

"Damn, I knew I should have waited to tell you that... you're only young so... Damn, I'm sorry Al I-"

"G-gay...?" Allen cut him off and Lavi looked up, in confusion.

"Y-yeah... maybe... probably... I'm pretty sure actually..."

"B-but... all those girls..."

"Well... I... wanted to think I was normal I guess... so dating a bunch of girls instead of the person I really wanted to as out was easier..."

"Wh-who?" Allen still hadn't quite gotten ahold of his spinning mind, but if Lavi was gay... maybe...

"Who do I like? I um..." Lavi looked away again, as he rubbed the back of his neck, "Ah screw it, I've told you this much... Its you."

"Kanda?" Allen's face fell as he looked down at his pizza, sitting mostly forgotten on the table and Lavi turned back in surprise, having heard such out of place sadness in Allen's voice.

"Kanda? No! I mean... you, Allen Walker, the one sitting in front of me..." Silver eyes looked up to meet emerald in shock.

"M-me?" Lavi nodded slowly and started to look away.

"I... I'm sorry if it makes you.. you know, uncomfortable... and if you dont want to hang around me anymore its okay, cause I mean.. if it were me, I would be really freaked out having an older _guy_ like me, so its okay... I'll um, just go..." the redhead stood to leave, but a pale hand shot out a caught the sleeve of his jacket.

"Wait! I... never said it makes me uncomfortable..." Allen blushed but refused to look away from Lavi's confused eyes.

"If... y-you want to... go on a d-d-date with me... I'll... I'd l-love to g-go..." Allen Stammered out, feeling his cheeks get hotter as he spoke.

"Allen... you... don't have to force yourself, you don't like me like that, it's okay, I get it..."

"No you don't Lavi!" Allen stood with a determined loom in his eye, if Lavi was brave enough to say his feelings, then Allen wanted to be able to as well.

"I... I do like you that way! I... have for a while, but I didnt want to say anything because I thought you would be grossed out..." Lavi looked torn for a moment, glancing around the mostly empty resteraunt before taking Allen's hand and smiling.

"Come on, we should talk without an audience." Allen nodded and followed the older boy out into the darkness outside of the building.

--

They had been dating for a months. A month of pure bliss, and Allen really didnt think he could get any happier. He and Lavi were just lounging on his couch together, watching some random anime, but not really. They were both more interested in cuddling than the TV.

"Hey Allen? I was thinking..."

"Uh oh..." Allen grinned teasingly and Lavi pouted at him, before continuing.

"We haven't really gone on a date in a long while, why dont we go to the movies? We could go make out in the back of the theatre..." the redhead grinned goofily as Allen rolled his eyes with a smile.

"And we can't do that here because...?"

"Well it wouldn't be making out in the back of a theatre if we did it here..." Allen laughed and pushed off the couch, giving Lavi's hand a pull.

"Alright then, let's go!" It wasn't long before they were in Lavi's car and driving,

"Hey Lavi...?"

"Yes Allen?"

"Is... this okay?"

"Is what okay?" Lavi glanced over at him and Allen sighed, trying to find the right words.

"Well I mean, I'm 14... you're 17... won't... you get in trouble for dating me?"

"Why would I? Its not like we're doing it! I'm waiting till you're ready and legal for that, so what we do is perfectly fine. You dont need to worry about me Ally-babe! I'm fine!" Allen smiled and nodded, opening his mouth to say something back, but suddenly, there was a screeching sound, and the white haired boy screamed, and the redhead felt a great force hit him as a truck that had suddenly swerved onto their side of the road collided with them. Before they were hit, the boy next to hm ripped off his seatbeltand jumped ontop of the older boy, sheilding him from the oncoming debris.

"Allen!" a peice of debris flew through the windshield and Allen felt a sharp pain on his head, before things slowly faded to black, Lavi's cry of pain being the last thing he heard before sinking into oblivion.

--

One emerald eye cracked open and Lavi groaned as pain shot through his right eye. '_what the hell happened?'_ he thought with a grimace as he sat up.

"A... Hospital room?" he murmred to himself, his only visible eye widening in terrified shock as the car accident came back to him.

"Allen!" The redhead jumped up and rushed to the door, throwing it open and startling the nurse who had been about to come in. The frantic teen gripped her shoulders, eyes wide with fear and desperation.

"Allen! where is he!? what happened!?"

"C-calm down son! please! relax!" The nurse pried the boys hands off her and gently led him back to his bed, "Your friend... is alive, but..." she paused, searching his face, sitting him down on the edge of the bed and breaking the news to the distraught teen.

"He was pronounced braindead twenty minutes ago. I'm sorry... We did all we could..." Lavi's eye widened and his brain seemed to shut down, not processing anything else the nurse said.

"_Allen... oh god allen, I'm so sorry..."_

--

___It wasn't my intention to make Lavi suffer like this. I was only fourteen year old kid in highschool. No one suspects they would die at such a young age well, I didnt _**_Die_**_ excactly____, but I might as well have. It had been sudden, I'd only felt a little headache, then I was standing on the side of the road watching as the paramedics loaded me into the ambulence. I was still breathing and everything, but... My mind was forced out of my body. Later at the hospital... they had pronounced me braindead. Lavi blamed himself for the crash even though the person behind the other wheel had been drunk. _

'It's my fault Yuu, it's... If I hadn't asked him out on a date on that night he'd be alive dammit!'

___On that night... He'd asked me to a movie since we hadn't gone on a proper date in a while, he's was alwats so sweet about stuff like that, he loved to treat me like I was the only thing that mattered to him. As he was driving us there, a man in a four wheel drive had suddenly appeared outta nowhere and smashed into us head on. I'd jumped on Lavi at the last second, but I think that only added to his guilt, because according to him it was him who was supposed to have died or become braindead or whatever you call what happened to me, him who was supposed to have been struck in the head by that... I can't even remember what hit me..._

* * *

___He often visits me in the hospital still. I'm an orphan, but my guardian is almost always out of the country but no-one ever had his contact number. I bet he doesn't even know I'm dead yet. Since they needed his permission to turn off the machines keeping my empty body alive, I've been laying there for.... How old would I be now? Sixteenish? Two years..._

The Nurses always smile warmly at Lavi as he walks in. The've watched him as he came in, every week without fail to sit with the shell of his boyfriend, and it hurt them to see such a kind boy so... depressed. He smiled all the time, but they were always empty, as if he had lost the spark that made his smile shine.

"Hey Allen..." Lavi said softly, sliding into the chair beside the younger boy's bed, "It's good to see you..." he always spoke to Allen, even though everyone insisted he couldn't hear anything. Lavi still spoke to him.

"Yuu has been good... heh, always on my case about being reclusive though... that Tyki guy who's always hitting on me seems to have backed off a bit, and I'm glad... it makes me uncomfortable. He's a bit creepy and I hope he leaves me alone, like the others did soon." He smiled, brushing a white strand of hair out of Allen's eyes gently, running a finger along the jagged scar on his forehead from the accident.

___Lavi... He looks so sad when he smiles at my still shell of a body._

* * *

_  
_

___I watched as Lavi lay on his stomach on the his bed, writing something down in his notebook, his wild red hair flopped lazily in his one good eye, he'd taken to wearing an eyepatch after the accident and I missed looking at his other eye, it felt like that black fabric was a blemish on his face. _

___I'm actually sitting next to him as he works, but he can't see ... Sometimes I think he catches glimpses of me in mirrors, or out of the corner of his eye, but he only thinks he's hallcinating. He's in university now, studying to be a historian. As I watch, he groans, cards his finger through his hair and sits up. closing the book and reaching for the bottle of water on his bedside table His eye rests on the framed photos of us together he has on that table, but I wish he wouldn't look at them. Thinking of me causes him pain._

___I wish he could move on, but he's rejected every person who's asked him out for the last two years. Even that hot guy at his part-time job. Our friend Kanda has repeatedly told him to move on and try to stop dwelling on the past, but I dont think Lavi will take his advice._

___'Why won't you listen Lavi?' He can't hear me, even if I shouted until my throat was raw he would never be able to hear me. He picks up one of the framed photos, and my voice catches in my throat. It was us on our first date, at the circus. It ws kind of a lame place to take someone on a date, but to ____me it had meant everything._

* * *

___I hear a sniffling noise, and my gaze return's to Lavi's once-handsome face, now pale and shadowed by two years of guilt, nightmares and depression. He's cryng again, hot tears running down his face as he remembers the fun we had. He'd used to be so fun, so cheerful, so optimistic with his eyes full of warmth and laughter._

Lavi held his favourite picture of him and Allen, not noticing the tears that poured from his eyes.

"We only had a month to be together..." he whispered to himself, gritting his teeth in anger. why hadnt he paid more attention to the road? if he had be watching... he could have avoided the truck, and they could still be together and happy, Allen wouldn't be brain dead and laying in a hospital bed all alone most of the time, everything would be right. Lavi ran his fingers through his hair again and sighed shakily, wishing that everything was just a bad dream he would wake up from and be seventeen again, with Allen alive and happy and safe in his arms, where he belonged.

___'Please Lavi, forget me! Smile and laugh and go out with friends! Find someone special and be happy!'_

___I say this, I scream this over and over but I know he can't hear me. I put my arm around his thin shoulders and he looks up, confused. He can almost feel me touching him, and that makes me withdraw my hand. Perhaps I should just take all his photos of me away, unplug my body, and walk into the weird glowing door I keep seeing at random places... But I can't leave; not until I know Lavi will be ok. Right now... He's not ok. I can feel it._

___Just at that moment, there is a knocking on the front door of his apartment. He gets up to go answer it wiping his face as he goes, and I follow. It's our friend Klanda at the door, looking stoic and annoyed. Lavi smiles an empty smile._

_'Hey Yu-Chan, wassup?' he leaned against the doorway casually, but there is unhapiness emanating from him, the photo still clutched in his pale hand._

_Kanda made an annoyed sound and crossed his arms. 'Idiot, i've been texting you for an hour. You owe me thirty dollars for my wasted phone credit.... Actually,' he added after a pause, 'Make it fifty since I had to drive hear just to talk to you since you weren't answering your home phone either.'_

_'Sorry...' Lavi gave a hollow laugh. 'I was in the shower.'_

_'For two hours?' the japanese man raised his eyebrow. He made another annoyed sound and checked his watch. 'Look, I'm going out tonight with Lenalee and the others, and you're coming. Got it?'_

___To my dissapointment, my... Is he my ex boyfriend? Shakes his head, and opens his mouth to no doubt say something about having work to finish, but Kanda suddenly pushes past him, grabs his boots from the corner, then grabs Lavi by the front of the shirt and drags him out the apartment door, the lock snapping shut as he slammed the door. I chuckled as I followed them down the pathway to our old friend's car; he never took no for an answer even as a child._

_Kanda tossed him into the passenger seat followed by Lavi's shoes, then gets into the drivers seat and starts the engine. Lavi is a little confused by what happened, by he nontheless buckles his __seatbelt and pulls on his boots, sighing heavily____._

_'I don't feel like going out Kanda.' His voice sounded flat._

_'Che, well I got news for you; you're going out. You need to, Usagi. You just called me Kanda, and that's alwas a bad sign.' Lavi shruged and sits back against the leather seat, giving in. _

___I felt sad at the way he was acting; back when I was alive, it had been him begging Kanda to go to parties and such, not the other way around. As the pull onto the highway, Kanda's phone beeps to signal a text. Watching from the backseat I can't see what it says, but Lavi leans across to read it and the aura around him goes dark._

_'Yu, why is Tyki coming with us? I've already said I'm not interested.'_

_Kanda shrugs. 'He overheard me and Lenalee talking and asked to come. He likes you Rabbit, and it would be good for you to try to socialise. I normally don't care what you do but the way you've been acting is getting on my nerves.'_

_'I love Allen. I'm not cheating on him.'_

___I wince. He sees us as still together since we never broke up, but it's horrible. He's held back in life because of his feelings for me. Why can't he accept i'm dead?_

___It's not like I want to be this way! I've tried so many times to find a way back into my body, but it's like theres some kind of seal or lock on it, Preventing my spirit from returning. I... I remember when I was thirteen, wishing like hell Lavi would fall in love with me, and I would go over imagined situations in my mind in which either of us would confess and share a kiss, but now... I wish I had never met him if only it would spare him this pain._

___When i'm near him it feels like he's dying inside, and it makes my chest tighten and my throat hurt. I want him to be _

___happy._

___I hate this._

**Wah such a sad oneshot. Well, review please.**

**Big huggles and thanks to nella for helping me so much!**

**If you guys give me fifteen reviews i'll do a sequel to this oneshot, if yo want it.**


	30. one month part two

_**Here's the sequel! And the new chapter of sea foam is on the way!**__  
__**----**__  
__Lavi___

_I really didn't wanna be there right then. My friends they're all sitting around me chatting and laughing... Though they're not really my friends, they're people I've met through Kanda and his girlfriend Lenalee. Tyki is there too; he kept trying to talk to me but I was just not up for it. The loud din of the bar was stifling and I'd have done anything to get up and leave, but then I'd have had no way home. Soon, our order of drinks arrived and I took my beer and gulped it down in an effort to numb the suffocating tightness in my chest. Ever since I lost him... I found any social gathering unbearable. It's like I'm drowning. its always like im beneath the surface, and nothing I can do will bring me back.___

'_Here,' Kanda passed Lenalee her usual drink that Kanda had ordered for her while she was in the bathroom. She smiled politely and waved it away. 'No thanks, no alcohol for me thanks.'___

'_Why not Lena?' Kanda's adoptive brother Daisya grinned jokingly, 'you knocked up or something?'___

'_Um...' she smiled sheepishly, 'Actually yes.'___

_Kanda spat out the drink he was taking, a look of complete and utter shock on his face. Everyone at the table started laughing, congratulating them and patting them on the back. I tried to smile and join in, I really did, but I felt sick. I'm happy for them, I really am but I can't bring myself to show it. Why does Kanda get to be happy? Why couldn't I be happy too? Allen....  
__  
__Enough. Unable to take the noise and the atmosphere, I stood up and hurried from the bar, eager to get out into the cool night air. Everyone was too busy being happy to notice I left, they always were, and I ran from the exit across the street over to the park area. It's less stifling out there, and as I collapsed in a bench dully illuminated by a flickering streetlight I felt the tightness in my chest loosening, and I was able to breathe a little.___

_ I know no matter what I do or where I go it wont ever completely get rid of the suffocating grip on my heart. My medication didn't work, relaxation techniques taught to me by my many therapists didn't work, I just cant stop thinking about Allen; the look of shock on his face, the blood running from his head and spattering on the wind shield...___

'_Shit...' I swore and leaned forward, my head in my hands. I felt ready to throw up but I hadn't eaten since lunch the day before.___

'_Hey.' I looked up. Tyki was standing there smiling nervously, looking slightly concerned. I attempted to smile back, to be polite, but I just couldn't put my heart into it, because it hurt too much to try. My head felt heavy as I muttered a tired "hey" back and, waiting for the nausea to pass. I feel the slightly older man next to me sit and sigh.___

'_Lenalee told me about your dead boyfriend.'___

_I winced and the pain in my heart goes from the dull throb to a stabbing pain. That's all I need; someone else to know I murdered the one person I loved. Why, why wasn't I looking at the road...?___

'_And I wanted to tell you I understand why you wouldn't want to date me.' Tyki goes on. Finally, the weight in my heart lifts enough for me to sit up to look at him. He really is attractive, but he's got nothing on Allen.  
__  
__I smiled.___

'_Sorry,' I'm not actually sorry but I say I am as an attempt at being friendly 'I'm still in love with him. It's nothing personal.'__  
__Tyki made a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat and leaned against the bench, staring up at the sky with a distant look in his eyes. I shifted uncomfortably, wishing he'd just go away, just leave me alone to mourn, but after a moment, he spoke again.___

'_It's been over two years since he died yeah? You would've been what? 17?'___

'_Yes,' I said bitterly through gritted teeth. Couldn't he just fuck off and shut up about it?!___

'_Hm... I had a younger sister when I was your age. Her name was Road, sweet little thing, loved candy... she annoyed the hell out of me but I never really paid much mind to her... one day while I was driving her to school I lost control of the car and we crashed into a tree. She died instantly.'___

_I could only stare in shock. He'd lost someone he'd cared about the same way I had... But, I reminded myself, my situation with Allen was different. I was in love with Allen and though I considered him close like family we weren't relatives. It was a rule family forgave each other for accidents, but Allen could go on hating me if he wanted no matter what I did. Though... I couldn't help but listen to the man sitting next to me. It was like I was looking for a way out of what i had done.___

'_I was really depressed about it.' he went on in a low, comforting voice, 'I kept blaming myself even though everyone said it wasn't my fault. Then one day, I decided to stop and move on, because I know that wasn't what Road would have wanted, and I decided to get my life back. I know that probably wouldn't be any help to you, but I'm sure your boyfriend would want you to be happy.'___

'_I was happy when I was with him.' I stated, staring at my lap kind of sadly, not completely convinced, 'I don't want to be happy without him.'___

Tyki smiled and patting my shoulder comfortingly as he spoke, "I doubt that he would want you to be so depressed about everything, he would want you to live your life and be happy. All of the people in there," he nodded in the direction of the bar, "Want you to be happy, but you're robbing yourself of the chance to by not letting go. They fell like they lost you in that car accident too. Do you want them to be constantly worried about you? Do you want them to have anything to worry about?" I sat quietly, mulling over Tyki's words. The logical part of my mind agreed with him, and I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with the crisp night air and releasing it slowly as I nodded reluctantly.

'___...No. __They shouldnt have to worry about me.____' His smile grew more cheerful and he stood up and held out his hand. ___

_'Well, shall we go inside then?'___

_----___

_Allen___

_I felt happiness flow through my unbeating heart as I watched Lavi go back to everyone in the bar. It was difficult for him, I knew it was. He wasn't the same as he used to be he wasn't the same, care free teenager who laughed and joked because nothing was wrong in his world, but he was really making an effort to enjoy Kanda and Lenalee's company. He was trying to have fun, trying to be happy, trying to forget me and forget his pain. Sometimes he'd revert back, but then that Tyki guy would say something to encourage him and he'd start trying again. The thought he would forget me hurt more than I would admit; I still loved him and I always will, but to ask him to live with my memory for the rest of his life was selfish when it gave him so much pain.  
__  
__As the night went on, he drank a little and the alcohol seemed to loosen him up to the point he actually flirted with Tyki. I wasn't really a big fan of alcohol, but he was of legal age and it wasn't like he was binge-drinking so I couldn't really say that I disapproved. Eventually, he and the others left the bar, Kanda and Lenalee decided to call it a night, their friends decided to go bar hopping, and Lavi... Lavi invited Tyki back to his place.___

_This shocked me, and I felt hurt and more than a little jealous. He'd only just decided to move on, did he have to go that fast? Thoughts whirled around in my head as I followed them in Tyki's car. Really, I was happy he was getting over me, but I didn't like the idea of being forgotten and... Well for the better or not it's just damn horrible to think about my special someone being with anyone who wasn't me. ___

_I knew I was being selfish, and I knew I didn't own Lavi, so I tried not to agonize over it. Even if I didn't like it, it'd hypocritical of me to have gone on about him moving on only to complain now._

I was concerned though, about what he was doing. What the hell was Lavi thinking? There's no way he could go through what he did for the past two years then suddenly reset. I was scared that by trying to forget his pains like this he could only cause himself more harm. Perhaps the alcohol was affecting his judgement, but he couldn't be too drunk right? I hoped to god he had enough sense to know what was right for him.__

_They arrived at Lavi's home, parked the car, walking through the door talking and smiling like Lavi wasn't haunted by his past with me at all times of the day. I followed, not only concerned for my love, but my jealousy preventing me from giving them any privacy. I don't know why I bothered, really. I wasn't a ghost; I couldn't materialise or manipulate my surroundings, I was just a floating consciousness who, even if I wanted to, wouldn't be able to help Lavi in any way should he have needed me. I felt useless like that, but still I followed. I love him, and it's all I could have done.___

_It started out innocent enough; Tyki sat on the couch in the living room while Lavi went to the kitchen to get coffee, the two rooms were only separated by a bench so they we able keep up a conversation. I sensed the awkwardness in the room because of the half-hearted way Lavi answers Tyki's questions.___

_'Come on Lavi,' the Portuguese man smiled, 'Cheer up. You've been doing well until now.'___

_'S-Sorry...' Lavi smiled weakly as he sat down and handed Tyki his mug. I felt annoyed by Tyki's carefree attitude towards Lavi, he probably didn't know about Lavi's depression! Depressed people couldn't just "cheer up." I tried to calm down, even though it made me so angry to see the older man pressuring Lavi to do something that was next to impossible for him. If this was what Lavi wanted, then I had to be happy for him. But... Saying it like I had done so for the past two years, and being faced with the actual situation turned out to be much different. It hurt to see the way Tyki was looking at him, to see them leaning towards each other, to see them kissing...___

_I tried to look away as they made out on the couch, but I couldn't, no matter how much I wanted to. I want to punch the living daylights out of Tyki, but this is Lavi's decision, not mine. I can to nothing but tell my self again and again, "He'll be happier, he'll be happier, he'll be happier...."  
__  
__Tyki pulled away, smiling seductively as he and Lavi panted for air.___

_'Should we maybe continue this in your bedroom?' he asked, winking. I held my non-existent breath for Lavi's answer, in a mixture of my own disappointment and relief, biting his lip as he avoided Tyki's gaze, Lavi shook his head. 'Actually...' he said slowly, his voice empty, 'Could you please leave?'___

_Tyki looks surprised, and a little pissed off. 'What? But you're the one who asked me here!'___

_'I know, and now I'm asking you to leave. Just... Just go...' he suddenly stood up, walked over to the door, opened it and gestured for the older man to use it. Tyki sighed heavily but complied, pushing off the couch with an annoyed expression. 'I thought you made a little progress there..'___

_'It's my decision to decide whether or not I want to move on. Leave.'___

_As I watched Tyki's back disappear, I felt so lost. Perhaps my wish for Lavi to remember me kept him from going through with that. I mentally shook my head at meself. My emotions were all over the place that night, I kept contradicting myself. I turned to see if Lavi was ok, and... I saw it. my heart screamed in horror and fear as I froze on the spot. ___

_'No!'___

_The black aura was a shadow that covered someone when they were about to die. I often saw it on terminal patients at the hospital my body was staying at, but it was surrounding Lavi, dark and threatening and chilling me to the bone, my love was completely oblivious to its presence... Or maybe he wasn't. His face was a mask of exhaustion and depression, bowed as though his head weighed a ton, as though he knew what was coming. ___

_As I watched, the mass of the shadow increased steadily, mocking me, getting closer to claiming its new victim. No, this couldn't be happening! WHY WAS LAVI DYING?! He wasn't sick!___

_Lavi opened the door he'd closed only a moment ago and ran outside. Tyki had already driven off but that wasn't his target. He was running down the street in the opposite direction the car had left, racing around cars and down narrow streets as he moved towards the destination that was still unknown to me. I knew that area of town; as children Lavi and I had often come down here to play-fish at the river. We never caught anything of course, because our poles were just sticks with bits of string, and because there were no fish in that area of the river, but we'd always had a good time anyway, merely enjoying each other's company, pretending to be pirates, playing in the water-_

Then it hit me.__

_'LAVI!' I screamed, 'DON'T! DON'T DO IT! PLEASE!'___

_If I had a body I would be crying. Were Lavi to die, he wouldn't become a ghost or what I am; death was different for suicide victims. He would just cease to be nothing, throwing away his life and soul completely.___

_'__**DAMMIT!' **___

_I hated the fact I was dead; I hated the seal on my body that stopped me from communicating with Lavi, from making him happy. I was suddenly back at the hospital, tearing and punching at the seal, screaming at the top of my voice, trying to get it to open in vain. ___

_'__**DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! OPEN YOU STUPID THING! I NEED TO SAVE THE ONE I LOVE!'**___

_I was angry, angrier then I've ever been before. Lavi was dying, and my stupid body was just laying there asleep! It was still alive! It has legs! Why wouldn't it do anything to stop him?! ___

_**WAKE UP YOU STUPID USELESS PIECE OF SHIT!**___

_The seal cracked under my fists, and I opened my eyes.___

_----___

_Lavi___

_I raised my hand to wipe the tears away as I ran. I felt so horrible, so evil and useless. I'd done it, I'd cheated on Allen I had betrayed the one I love. I didn't go through with it, but I tried to forget him, to toss him aside like he simply didn't matter anymore. Never mind all that shit about wanting me to be happy... he must have hated me for what I'd done. I just.. Wanted to end it all. Perhaps, perhaps if I took my life away I could end the pain and sadness. Maybe just... maybe Allen would see that I was sorry and forgive me...  
__  
__No. What I'd done was unforgivable. But I was going to do it anyway. I'm sorry Yu, Lenalee. At least you'll have each other. I don't have anyone... not since I killed Allen.  
__  
__The cold wind created by the momentum of my pace whipped at my face, and the uncontrollable tears were blinding me to the point I only had a vague idea of my surroundings. My feet hurt and my stomach was churning with guilt and shame. The suffocating weight on my chest was almost unbearable, and as I slowed to a stop, pausing to lean forward onto my knees, doubled over and gasping for breath, air that I didn't deserve to breathe after what I'd done, more tears dripped onto the concrete path below me, creating a tiny puddle as I sank to the ground.___

_'Allen... I'm so sorry... Forgive me..." I sobbed, forcing my self to stand and stumble forward as my body shook as I was choked by my tears. I was so close... I could hear the water rushing past as I approached the bank of the river where we made so many good memories.___

_I collapsed to my knees at the top of the bank, staring down at the black water as the tears ran hot and unnoticed down my face. Was this really it? After all the pain, after all the hardship and time I had spent considering this... was I really going to go through with it? ___

_Yes. Yes I was. Allen wouldn't have wanted to ever look at me again if he had known what I had done. This was the only option.___

_This was all I could do to redeem myself.___

_My cell phone vibrated as I stood, preparing to jump and I glanced down at my pocket, debating on whether to answer it or not. If it was Lenalee or Kanda would they know what I was going to do the moment they heard my voice? It wouldn't really matter anyway and I would be able to say goodbye to the properly... I slid the phone from my pocket and answered it without looking at the call ID.___

_'Is this Lavi Bookman?' A frantic female voice I didn't recognize asked, and I furrowed my brows in confusion as someone yelled in the background of her phone. Who was this, and why would she call me now?___

_'Yes.'___

_"Y-you need to come to the hospital right away! A-Allen Walker has woken up and he's screaming for you, We've got three nurses restraining him but he keeps yelling about how he has to save the one he loves from death and-" _

_  
__'Wh-What..?' I swallowed thickly. My ears heard it but my mind doesn't believe what she's just told me. I must have misheard her, or this was some cruel elaborate prank! "N-No, he can't be awake. He's brain-dead!"_

'_He was until about five minutes ago, but then he suddenly woke up and tried to run out of the ward like he'd only been asleep for a few hours! The doctors are completely baffled; nothing like this has ever happened before. Please, he won't stop struggling until you come to the hospital and see him!'_

'_O-Ok...' I nod weakly and shut my phone and stick it back in my pocket. I stared at the water, my reflection looking just as shocked as I felt. He knew what I had been planning, and had woken up.___

_----___

_Allen___

_'Lavi!' I croaked again my voice raw from not being used in so long as I continued struggling against the strong hands of the nurses, 'Let me go, he's going to kill himself, I have to help him! LET ME GO!'_

_  
'__Please Mr. Walker, calm down! Please, Mr. Bookman is going to be fine! Nothing is the matter, you're in the hospital!' the young nurse pleaded holding my weak arms down.__  
_  
_'You didn't see it! You didn't see the black aura, you don't know anything! Let me go!' I kicked out savagely and bucked, trying to wriggle free. I wasn't sure why I had fallen back into my body or why I was awake and in full health, but I didn't care. I just knew I had to stop Lavi from making the biggest mistake a person could make. I cried out some more, but then a stern-looking older nurse came in with a cross expression on her face._

'_Mr. Walker!' she sounded like a scolding school teacher, 'I understand after waking you would be highly distressed, but please! For the love of god, people who are in the condition you were in just don't wake up. We need to run tests to make sure you are alright and to find out what caused this, but until the doctors can get here you need to calm down!'_

'_B-But Lavi-!'_

'_-Is fine.' She folded her arms across her chest, 'One of the other nurses spoke to him on the phone a moment ago. He's coming here as quickly as he can. Now please, settle down or I'll be forced to sedate you!'_

_With no choice, I hesitantly let my limbs go limb. The nurses holding sighed in relief and let go, then started checking the readings on the various machines I was hooked up to. I felt tired, stiff and sore, but I didn't let my eyes close for fear of never opening them again. It was strange having a body again; for the first time in what felt like forever I was seeing things through real eyes and hearing things through real ears. I could feel the slightly scratchy worn cheap sheets beneath me, and everything was so loud and bright, even though to a person who hadn't been dead for two years the light would have been dim and the noises quiet and far-off. The clock on the white wall especially seemed loud, and each tick of the second hand was agony. As the minutes passed by, I grew restless and my heart felt like it was in a vice. I wanted to jump up and run for it; what if Lavi had decided not to come? What if the nurse had lied about calling him? For all they knew he was lying at the bottom of the river right now!  
These thoughts and worse whirled through my recently-regained head as I lay there, feeling even more useless then when I was nothing. Then, finally, after what seemed like hours, the hospital room door slid open and Lavi stood there, a shocked expression of disbelief on his face and looking like he'd been hit by a train. Upon seeing him I wanted to run over there and hug him, but couldn't because of the needles in my arms, which were still sore from my earlier struggling, so I burst into tears instead._

'_L-Lavi!' I sobbed, sitting up and reaching for him, 'Please don't jump in the river!_

_Lavi stood there stupidly for a minute, not quite grasping what was really happening as I begged him not to hurt himself and that I still loved him, no matter what had happened, but suddenly, in mid-sentence he seemed to regain his senses, launched forward and caught me up into a tight embrace. My senses exploded; the way he smelt, the feel of his warm arms around me, the sound of his heartbeat quickened by the sight of me alive and well. I buried my face in his chest, sobbing and making his shirt damp and wrinkled with tears of happiness. Even though I had been right there all this time, I could never touch him or smell him, and I had missed this so much... Had missed __him __so much._

'_You're awake...' he murmured, his voice cracking. He sounded on the verge of tears as well. 'You're really awake...'_

'_Y-Yeah... 'I nodded, chuckling a little, 'I'm awake Lavi. Sorry for being asleep so long.'_ _Lavi's arms around me tightened .  
_

_"It wasn't your fault Allen, it wasn't! Please... please don't blame yourself it was all Me.' his voice was low and comforting as he trembled like he was cold._

_  
"It wasn't your fault either Lavi..." I pulled back and looked him in the eye, smiling as I leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips...._

'_I love you Lavi.'_

_----_

**Please review! It's extra long to make up for being away.**


	31. I'll still like you

**It's been so long since I wrote a dgm fic! Please forgive me! I'm just stuck on everything...**

**So I wrote this to make up for it ^^**

**Now, those of you who have seen the movie fifty first dates will notice a few similarities between this and the movie. I promise you i didn't copy it!**

**Actually, this fic was finished before I even watched the movie myself. Freaky huh?**

**It was inspired by the short film be my brother, which has a completely different plot. The only thing I took from be my brother was the bus stop and the tape recorder.**

----

It was raining by the time Allen Walker had gotten to the bus stop, using his binder as a shield as he ran. The weather had been fine and sunny until about a half-hour ago when it started clouding over and now all of a sudden he was splashing through puddles and trying not to get too wet as he ran under the shelter. There was another person sitting on the bench waiting for the bus, a redhead, but he barely acknowledged him as he sat down, placed the red binder with his schoolbag next to his feet and brushed the rain off his jacket.

"-And a very cute boy has just sat next to me."

Allen started and looked up in confusion. The redhead grinned at him, holding a black tape recorder up to his face. He was handsome, his hair a deep crimson that clung to his kind face with wetness, and two sparkling green eyes, the left slightly obscured by his fringe.

"He has white hair," the redhead continued into the tape recorder, an Irish accent evident in his voice, "And silvery eyes. He seems to be about fifteen or sixteen, but he's one of those cute short types. He's wearing a blue jacket and black shorts that show off his very nice legs. His wearing red and white converses with drawings in black texta on them, and little ankle socks, which looks VERY adorable with the shorts I might add."

Allen frowned. Why was this guy dictating his surroundings into a tape recorder? Who the heck even owned one of those anyway? Was he a pervert?

"Probably..." the sixteen year old muttered to himself, inching as far away from the older boy as far as he could. His discomfort increased as the redhead spoke into the recorder again.

"The kid just said "probably" and moved away from me. I think he just wondered if I was a stalker or a pervert."

The redhead then laughed. Allen turned to glare at him, annoyed.

"Could you please stop talking about me?"

"Do I have to?" even as the Irish teen said this he leaned closer and held the recorder between them so the black box would catch their conversation. Allen nodded stiffly. "Yes please."

To his mild surprise, the boy next him's face fell slightly. He switched off the recorder and put it in his pocket. Allen sighed in relief, then turned his attention to the opposite direction, staring out of the glass wall of the bus stop into the gray English day. He shivered a little, and cursed himself for wearing shorts. His legs were freezing.  
Suddenly, he felt a weight on his knees, and looked down to see the redhead placing a brown trench coat over them. He cried out in surprise and pushed him away, standing up as he did. The redhead stumbled out of the shelter.

"WH-WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

The redhead shrugged, seemingly unaffected by the rain, and went back to sit at the other end of the seat. He smiled, leaned forward and snatched the coat off the cement.

"Ok, if you don't want a kind gesture then I won't give it to you."

"What?"

"Your legs were turning blue. I'm already wearing a jumper so I thought you could use my coat."

"O-oh... Sorry..." the English boy swallowed, feeling a stab of guilt in his chest. The redhead shrugged and leaned back on the wooden seat, hands linked boredly behind his head.

"'s ok. That's the problem with society ya know. Everyone's so paranoid about getting mugged or raped or whatever even a kind gesture from a stranger is taken the wrong way... I should apologise for not realising you might not like being covered up by a weirdo" he added, grinning cheerfully, "I guess I'm just too damn nice for my own good, huh?"

The white haired boy raised his eyebrow. "I... guess..."  
He was starting to feel really uncomfortable and looked out into the rain, eyes darting straining to look down the foggy street for any sign of a bus. He didn't like striking up conversations with random people he met at bus stops... And thinking that the redhead's words rang true and he felt another stab of guilt. Just then, he jumped in surprise as he felt a tap on his shoulder. He wasn't surprised to see the redhead had slid closer.

"Scuse me, you got a pen i can borrow for a sec?"

"U-um... Yeah..."

He bent down and unzipped his backpack, then brought out his pencil case and handed the redhead a black pen. The redhead smiled again gratefully and said thank you, then rolled up his own sleeve and started writing on his hand.

**Instructions in pocket, tape recorder in other pocket. Listen**

He then handed the pen back. Allen took is, eyebrows furrowing in confusion as the Irishman settled back into the seat and looked out at the road, smiling as though it was a beautiful sunny day.

"Is the bus late?"

"What?" the white haired boy jumped again.

"The bus, I wanna know if it's late or I'm early."

"Um... You're early. It's not getting here for a few minutes."

The redhead's smile brightened. "Oh good."

Allen sweatdropped. This guy was really weird... And yet... He looked really nice when he looked happy like that. The sixteen year old sighed and mentally shook himself. This wasn't the time to be getting a crush on a complete stranger he would never see again and was probably straight anyway... Though, didn't he call him cute a few minutes ago? Make some weird comment about his legs?

Suddenly, a crack of thunder was heard, and a bolt of lightening lit up the sky. Immediantly, the stranger brought out his tape recorder and pressed record.

"I just saw lightening. It was really pretty and the clouds now look purple. I'm still waiting here at the bus stop with the cute boy with the nice legs, but i don't think he likes me very much."

He then replaced the recorder in his jeans pocket and stared out and up at the sky, looking for any signs of lightening. Allen stared at him curiously in silence for a moment in which the only sound was that of the rain splashing in the street and on the glass roof of the shelter. Then he gathered up his courage and let his curiosity get the best of him.

"Um... Why do you keep talking into a tape recorder?"

"I'm remembering." He answered simply. That only added to Allen's confusion more. "Remembering? Why do you need the recorder just so you can remember a crappy rainy day?"

"Uh!" the stranger suddenly held up his hand, his face a mask of mock sternness, "There are no crappy days, only crappy clothing, Mr. Shortshorts."

"Um... Ok..." Allen sweatdropped again. The Irish boy smiled again. "And to answer your question I have a memory dysfunction. When I was in high school I had a biking accident and cracked my head right open. You should see the photos, there was blood everywhere... Anyway" he continued cheerfully "I don't wanna go through life not knowing what I just did, so I record it- oh hey, here comes the bus!"

Sure enough, the large vehicle was pulling up in front of the shelter. The friendly redhead jumped up, slung his coat over his shoulder and hopped up the steps as Allen was still struggling to get his bag onto his back. When he did get on the bus and show his bus pass, Lavi had gone all the way up the back and had settled on the next-to-last seat on the right, settling comfortably onto the gray cushions and looking as though he'd found the greatest chair in the world. Allen frowned.

"A memory dysfunction?" he wondered to himself as he took a seat near the middle. No one else was on the bus today, but the white haired boy didn't mind. He liked quiet busses. "That does explain stuff... But still," he blushed in annoyance, "That doesn't give him the right to keep talking about my legs and calling me cute! It's weird!"

Though he told himself this, it didn't stop him turning around occasionally on the bus trip to glance back at the Irish teen. The third time he did this, he got caught, and the redhead grinned and patted the spot next to him on the seat.

"Come sit here!"

Allen went red, blinking.

"What?"

"Come sit next to me!"

"What?! YOU come sit next to ME!"

"Ok."

Allen could have slapped himself. Why was he being so childish, let alone encouraging the weirdo? Why was the weirdo still harassing him anyway? Didn't people with memory dysfunctions that required tape recorders like that lose their memory every few seconds?  
Still, when the redhead came over, he shuffled to the side so he could sit down. He held out a hand.

"Name's Lavi."

"Um... I'm Allen..." the silver-eyed boy hesitantly shook his hand. Lavi's smile brightened, if that were possible.

"I lose my memory every couple hours."

"Huh?"

"You wanted to ask about it right?" he laughed lightly. "You're pretty easy to read, with the way you kept looki ng at me. You're pretty cute when you're curious."

Allen felt his face heat up with embarrassment. He frowned. "I'm not cute, quit calling me that."

"We all say we don't have good qualities, even though we do. Take me for example, I say I'm not hot or sexy at all, and yet here I am!" he spread his arms wide for emphasis, "A walking god!"

"That doesn't sound like you say you aren't hot at all."

"Details..." he waved the comment off. "You going to school?"

"Yeah..."

"Sucks. I should be in year twelve right now, but I got to leave cos of my condition. No more having to get up at seven!

The English teen blinked, tilting his head. He thought he'd rather get up every morning then have Lavi's condition. "You got up at seven today didn't you?"

"Cos I CHOSE to, not cos I HAD to. Big difference Allen."

Allen had to suppress a small laugh. "If you say so."

"I got up early today," Lavi went on, staring up at the ceiling, "Huh... Why DID I get up today? Just a sec..."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a slip of paper. As he opened it, he explained he carried it with him to remind him what he had to do that day whenever he lost his memory. His green eyes scanned their way down the page, then lit up cheerfully.

"Ah! I got up early to meet my brother. He lives with my parents in Ireland, while I live over here in a memory hospital type thingy, I forget what they're called... Anyway, Deak is flying over today and his plane is getting in at eight. The hospital lets me walk around the streets during the day so long as I have the tape recorder and everything written down, so I get to pick him up."

"Oh..." Allen nodded, "I see. Do you miss your brother and parents?"

Lavi shrugged. "Dunno, probably. I can't remember them apart from the phone call i got from mum this morning and the letters from them I found in my draw."

"...Oh."

Allen mentally slapped himself as they settled into an awkward silence. Why did he have to ask that?! If he had amnesia like that then of course he wouldn't remember his parents! He felt so stupid....

"Ok!" Lavi's voice startled him from his agonising, "I told you my story now you gotta tell me yours!"

The British teen blinked. "My... story?"

"Yeah, tell me about you. How come your hair is white? I can see you don't dye it. You albino?"

"What? No! I just... I used to have brown hair when I was little, but then it started growing white for no reason."

"Hm..." Lavi made a thoughtful noise, "Must be one of those things I guess."

"Yeah..." Allen fidgeted, feeling another stab of guilt. Even though Lavi had told him everything, he still wasn't able to talk about his trauma. Still, it didn't matter. If Lavi had a memory dysfunction then he wouldn't even remember later, even if he told him. There was no point. He sighed heavily.  
Lavi suddenly laughed and clapped him on the back.

"Don't feel bad! You suit your hair! And it's not like it grew thin and wiry like old people's hair does. It actually looks like an intense shade of platinum blonde rather than white. And besides," he winked, "At least you don't need to go through the experience of going gray."

Allen couldn't hold back a giggle. Lavi laughed too, putting an arm around his shoulder. "See? Bright side to everything."

"Even to your lack of memory?"

The white hared teen almost slapped himself. The words had left his mouth without his permission. How could he ask something like that?! It was terrible! However, when he glanced at the Irishman, he merely looked thoughtful rather than upset.

"Well... I guess there is" the warm smile was back on his face. "If someone says something mean to me and it upsets me, I don't remember it later and I'm not upset anymore. The nurses tell me every time I lose my memory my personality or views and opinions don't change, and the way I an towards others is constant even though I'm having to be reintroduced to them all the time, so at least I know I'm not a bad person. If I were to meet you again Allen, I'd like you as much as I do now. Even if I didn't talk to you, I wouldn't know who you were but if I looked at you I'd somehow know you'd be a nice person... I guess that mean's my memory loss isn't complete, it's just the surface, above emotions..." he blinked and laughed. "So I wouldn't like the person who upset me, but at least I know I love my parents and brother right?"

"I... I guess I can sort of understand.... You know people even if you don't have memories of them. Right?"

"Exactly what I said!"

"No it wasn't..."

"Well, maybe not...." he grinned slyly and poked the younger boy's cheek, "But at least your smiling now right? No more looking at me like I'm a madman?"

Allen grinned back. "You're still a madman."

"Aw!"

The rain outside had stopped by now, and instead of the pattering sound on the bus roof, there was the sound of the wheels running through puddles, splashing the water to the side. The bus suddenly began to slow, and Allen realised with slight shock they were already at his school stop. Talking to Lavi had made the time pass much quicker than usual.

"U-um, I gotta get off now...." he said reluctantly. The redhead nodded in understanding and moved aside so Allen could get out. "Well, if I ever come on this bus again," his smile looked a bit sadder, "You sit next to me and tell me about how we met ok? I'll still like you."

The fifteen year old blushed heavily and nodded. He shouldered his backpack and sidled past the redhead. Before he could walk down the bus corridor however, Lavi grabbed his hand. He stopped and turned, a questioning look on his face. The redhead smiled, stood up, and kissed him.  
Allen's mind exploded. He knew he probably should have pulled away, that he shouldn't have let a virtual stranger kiss him suddenly without his permission, but he didn't want to stop this.  
When Lavi finally pulled away, he grinned that happy grin of his.

"Remember, I'll still like you. See ya around?"

Allen smiled brightly and nodded, still red-faced. "Yeah, see ya around."

----

**Even though this is un-betad I really like it, so I'm gonna put it up unbetad. Sorry for any mistakes or crappiness.**

**Oh, and if you think Lavi seems to know alot, it's cos he was probably told a lot of it by the nurses at the hospital, as well as previous notes and recordings**

**PLEASE REVIEW! **


	32. Teenage Bookman

**Yup, another song fic to fill in time. i came up with it after hearing teenage dirtbag by wheatus. I don't own dgm or the song.**

**And yeah, theres yullen in here, but honestly, who else could be more perfect to play the dick boyfriend?**

----

His name is Allen  
I always dream about him  
He's so damn cute  
But it's a bad sin to love him

Oh how he suits  
red bows and black boots  
But he doesn't know who I am  
And he doesn't give a damn about me

Cause I'm just a teenage bookman baby  
Yeah I'm just a teenage bookman baby  
Listen please I just love you baby please please

His boyfriend's a dick  
he carries a giant katana  
he tries to kill me  
When I try act more funner

He lives on Al's floor  
I can't take anymore  
But he doesn't know who I am  
And he doesn't give a damn about me...

Cause I'm just a teenage bookman baby  
Yeah I'm just a teenage bookman baby  
Listen please I just love you baby please please

Oh yeah, bookman  
No, I can't let him know i feel yeah  
Oh yeah, bookman  
No, I can't let him know i feel yeah

Man I feel so cold  
Midnight work in the library  
Then lo and behold  
with a blanket he's coming over to me

This isn't real  
I'm not allowed to feel  
How does he know who I am?  
And why does he give a damn about me?

He says:  
"I love you so, no need to be alone Lavi  
Let me sit with you don't say no ok?  
I prefer bookmen to samurai, Lavi  
Like you."

Oh yeah, bookman  
Now I have a heart so too bad  
Oh yeah, bookman  
Now I have a heart so too bad

----

**Corny, but at least its something ^^ dont worry guys, im working on fics. also, a new smut will be done soon!**

**REVIEW!**


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